Whalefall Review

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Spoiler free review: This movie is ridiculous and you should go see it. It’s actually incredibly well made and Austin Abrams performance is phenomenal.

Spoiler Review

I’m going to describe this in the way that my mom wants me to describe movies to her: in three sentences.

The story is a simple one, Jay’s father went missing during a dive that he was taking because he’s dying of cancer and wanted to go for one last go. Jay wants to find his body to bring it home and so he dives on his own only to be swallowed by a whale. He then has to escape while having pertinent memories of his time with his father that will assist him in his escape plans.

You might be thinking as someone who has often spoken of his deceased father that this movie would affect me emotionally. It didn’t because my dad wasn’t an asshole. Jay’s father certainly is. A drunken jerk that constantly tells his son to man up, which is just so fucking toxic. The movie does one of the worst things in reinforcing that this is the right way to raise a son by showing how all of these harsh lessons help Jay. There is a median where you can point out the importance of things without smacking your kid and being emotionally abusive.

Anyway, let’s get into it. The movie doesn’t hesitate to throw Jay into the middle of that whale. He gets swallowed because a giant squid is just trying his best to not get eaten. When he wakes up he is in a claustrophobic’s nightmare. I believe he’s in the third stomach because he has to pass through another two to get back to the mouth.

What follows is an absolutely torturous amount of pain that he has to go through. These are the wounds that I can remember: squid beak through the hand, blown up hand, broken ribs(possible), broken ankle, squid bite wound in the neck, burned hands because of stomach acid, busted ear drums from the whale diving too far too fast and possible jellyfish stings. Those are the ones that I remember.

He manages to climb back to the mouth of the whale when it surfaces for air. The climb is done with a jellyfish that he’s using for light. He spends his time talking to the jellyfish, apologizing for not being able to save it. This is also when he drops the only f bomb in the movie: “I’m in the fucking whale!” and the movie should have been R because it would have been far more realistic if he was constantly screaming obscenities.

After that, the whale dives and the movie takes a turn towards the sentimental goofy. I’m going to take this from the Whalefall wiki article: As his oxygen runs low, Jay begins to accept the possibility of death and imagines conversations with his father, whom he envisions as having become one with the whale. When I read that, I had a hope in my head, that we would see a whale with the face of Josh Brolin but no, it’s just an auditory hallucination.

The two of them have the heart to heart conversations that they missed when Jay’s father was alive. I’ll give whale-dad credit that when he asks about a potential partner, he asks about both a boyfriend and girlfriend and that would be fine either way. I’m glad my whale-dad is LGTBQIA+ accepting.

Eventually, the whale is attacked by orcas and is mortally wounded. Other sperm whales show up to show those Shamu motherfuckers whose really got the big dicks down in the ocean. Whale-dad starts making for the surface and is like “you’re going to have to do it, son. You’re going to have to blow me up.” And Jay’s just like “you got it dad, I love you. Time to blow this whale to hell.”

And that’s what happens, Jay blows up his oxygen tank and the side of the whale and swims to the surface. He’s found by a tourist boat. And you would think after this, he would be ready for no more ocean.

Nope, his fucking family takes him out on his dad’s boat. I would be furious. It’s been like a week! He reads the letter his father left behind for him and starts to laugh and cry, letting loose the emotions that he’s blocking for all this time.

I know I was making jokes but this movie rips from head to toe. Austin Abrams plays every moment of this to the bone. It makes me want to watch Resident Evil though I don’t know if I can handle the gore. I would also like to see Austin in a movie where he might be having a good time at least for a little while. Though it feels like if he was in a romcom, him and his partner would be heading off for their love vacation and there would just be dudes with bats waiting for him.

An Ode to the Pink and Blue Ball

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Humble ball

Knitted by someone unknown hand

Pink and blue the colors of boys and girls

Traditional and might be outdated

You have been there for every cat we’ve owned

Many of those cats have passed away

Loved and old

Some before their time

Because the world is cruel

Almost all of them have played with you

They chase you around

Getting caught on their claws

You are a constant

And one day you will be torn apart

Or lost

And I will mourn you

But for now

My cat is chasing you around

And I love his little dumbness

Thank you little ball

Why Does Halloween Make Me Lazy?

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I have a friend who every year throws an excellent Halloween party and every year I just come up with a Halloween costume where I kind of follow her theme but I also don’t. For her superhero party last year, I was a Gotham professor who waited for something terrible to happen so that he could turn into a villain. It was made up mostly of things I had around the house.

You could be saying that “Oh, Frank, you’re just creative! It’s not that big of a deal!”

And it’s not that big of a deal for my friend, she usually is okay with my eccentricities. But I still don’t know what is when it comes to Halloween, I’m just lazy as hell. I don’t want to bother with it.

I can’t figure out why though. It’s not that hard. I actually put effort into it this year and I have a pretty good Red from Pokemon costume going. I just need to get a red vest and some pokeballs. Easy.

What the fuck was going on all those other years? I didn’t even buy like a Spirit Halloween costume. Maybe it’s residual dressing myself laziness. I don’t put that much effort into what I wear during the day. I’ve been thinking that I should. It just doesn’t matter to me.

What’s weird though, is that I love giving out candy for trick or treating. I know it involves me getting up every few minutes but seeing all the kids’ costumes gives me such joy.

You know what? To make myself feel better, I’m not lazy, I’m just appreciative of other people’s efforts.

Get that candy, stock image kids.

The Mid Season Change: Trigun

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I’m not sure how much I’ve talked about Trigun over the last two years of this blog. It might be my favorite anime or at least my favorite dubbed anime. Everyone is bringing their A game in that dub.

For those that don’t know, the show is about this goober down here:

Vash the Stampede. Looks pretty badass right? Well, this is how he’s normally portrayed:

Big old goofball. He’s an expert marksman but also a pacifist. He absolutely refuses to kill his enemies and has been punished by getting badly hurt in the process. But that’s also the thing about him, there’s a 60 billion double dollar bounty on his head for the destruction he causes. When you see him in action though, you realize that mostly comes from people trying to catch him and causing damage around him.

For the first eleven episodes, you see a lot of goofy adventures that tie into more classic “western” style storytelling. Bank robberies, disputes over land and bounty hunters, that kind of thing. Then you get to episode twelve and the true plot reveals itself.

We meet someone by the name of Legato Bluesummers, who is the leader of the Gung-Ho Guns. A team that has the exact opposite philosophy to Vash. Kill everything that stands in their way.

And this is where the show truly excels because not only does the switch-up feel natural but it recontextualizes everything that came before it. For the most part, over the last eleven episodes, we’ve seen Vash run, hide and scream his way through interactions. He shows moments of brilliance and incredible skill. But he’s just a big old goofball.

The Gung-Ho Guns cause him to lock the fuck in. It’s shown in the first episode where Monev the Gale whose been mocking Vash while murdering members of the town they’re in, indiscriminately, suddenly sees Vash for who he is: El Diablo.

After this, we see Vash fighting against stronger and stronger enemies. We know that he’s powerful but they’re just more so and part of that comes from their merciless nature. How do you fight someone merciless when all you want is to be a pacifist?

Finally, we reach the climax of the entire show. Vash ends up in a town where he has to fight against this man named Midvalley the Hornfreak with backup from Legato Bluesummers.

Okay which one of these two is the hornfreak?

That saxophone he’s holding is able to create enormous blasts of air that cause immense pain. Meanwhile, Legato can control people with his mind. They combo Vash to have to jump in front of the air blasts instead of letting innocents get killed. Eventually, Vash is able to destroy Midvalley’s horn and he kills himself as recompense to their main boss, Knives, it’s the fate of all failed Gung-Ho Guns. Vash heads off to fight Legato.

He finds Legato and shoots him a bunch but still refuses to kill him. Legato wants to push him though and threatens two of Vash’s friends by controlling a group of people to hurt them. Legato forces him to make a choice, kill him or let his friends die. After a great deal of sorrow, Vash kills Legato.

It’s a heartbreaking and powerful scene. It leads to Vash suffering a deep depression as well. This whole run of episodes, would later lead me to have appreciation for an equally horrifying scene.

In Doctor Who, there’s a story called The Family of Blood where the Doctor is hiding out in a boarding school as a human in the years before WWI. His companion, Martha is trying to keep an eye on him. They’re being pursued by a group called the Family who want to eat his heart. Shenanigans happen and the Doctor is eventually forced to reveal himself.

Much like Vash, the Family finds out what happens when you force the Doctor to lock in. Here’s the transcript.

The Doctor has a reputation for being both lovely and terrible. There are many evil aliens throughout the universe that are afraid of his name. Vash though, is the surprise. You have to see what it takes to force his hand. And in that moment, you realize that if it wasn’t for his rules, all those fights before, would be over in about five seconds.

Both of these scenarios I feel like will be summed up in an exchange the Eleventh Doctor has in his run:

Madame Kovarian: The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.

Eleventh Doctor: Good men don’t need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.

On Different Languages Being Spoken in America

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There’s a passage from my favorite book, Cold Mountain that to me is the deepest insult anyone can ever say about someone. It’s when Stobrod and Pangle are set upon by the home guard who ask them to play some music:

“Stobrod did not much want to. He was tired. And figured that his audience had no thought of music, lacked entirely what was needed to love it.”

That is devastating. Do you know how broken you have to be inside to not enjoy music? I know that for some people, music is not that big of a deal. That they don’t keep up with particular bands or artists. But this feels like something different. An empathy and joy that they just can’t access because of what they’re missing.

I feel the same way when I see people complain about people not speaking English in America. Every language and I include English in that, has its own music, rhythm to it. I’m fortunate that I live in an area where I get to hear many different Asian languages. I can go to a store and if I turn off my headphones, I can hear people talking in whatever they speak.

I’m sure there’s some kind of insecurity in not knowing if people are shit talking you. But people can shit talk me all they want because this is America.

I know that it’s not just the hatred of music that makes people not want to hear other languages. It’s pointless bigotry. You want people to comply and become as miserable as you are. It’s just so boring. Language is how we express our hearts and you want to change that when you tell someone to speak in a language other than their own.

If you hear someone speaking in a different language that you don’t understand, maybe it’s best to do something that these people who tell them to speak English, don’t do. Listen and mind your fucking business.

Ravenwood Chapter 4: Early Morning at the Coffee Shop

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It was still dark out when Elisa Underwood opened her coffee shop, The Rest Stop. She had work to do. The day would start soon enough and she needed to be ready so that everyone else could be ready. She opened the door and locked it behind her.

She didn’t turn on too many lights, not needing to run up her electric bills. She walked into the back where the bakery was and turned those lights on. She turned on the ovens, having gotten the dough ready yesterday and put it into their fridge. She set them to the proper temperatures and waited for them to warm. Her first batches were bagels of different types and some cinnamon rolls.

While they baked, she started grinding her coffee beans. While that worked, she went through her store making sure that everything was in order and clean. The girls had done well the night before, they almost always did. If she found things less than ideal, she usually figured that there was some problem. Some idiot was causing problems.

The place that she set up was reflective of what she thought it would be like to have a peaceful mind. There were plants hanging from hooks in the ceiling. There were several tables lining the walls for two or four people. They were made of a nice, hardwood. The counter took up most of the back and to the right was the bathroom.

She got things ready, long rows of bagels and other pastries. Everything worked the way it was supposed to. With everything where it needed to be, she checked her phone. It was time to open. She turned the sign, clicked the lock and got behind the counter. She started a slow count to twenty and got to work. She prepared an onion bagel with cream cheese and a coffee with one sugar and two creams.

Brett Tomm, real estate agent extraordinaire came through the door.

“Onion bagel with cream cheese, coffee with one sugar and two creams,” they said together as Elisa held it up to him.

“You are a goddess,” he said as he pressed his credit card against the pinpad.

He hit the 20% for the tip and was out the door. Ready to make deals and help people find their homes. After he was gone, she started getting several lattes ready. A gaggle of cheerleaders came in on their way to their early morning practice. She handed them off to each of them. They thanked her and passed cash over to her.

Georgia Hartman came in next, dressed in her park ranger gear and ready to hit the trails. Large coffee black and a cinnamon roll.

“Watch out for the bears,” Elisa said.

“Watch out for low hanging ceiling beams,” Georgia said.

Elisa laughed as her old friend took her morning meal and left.

She started cooking a pair of eggs, some cheese and ham on the griddle. There was a small pile of hash browns cooking next to it. She applied a fair amount of salt, pepper and ketchup to the bagel. She wrapped everything up in a bag and threw in some ketchup packets as the bell over the door rang.

Chuck Trainor, quarterback of the local football team walked in. He was the star of the school but he was also quite and polite. Unless you did something wrong. Some out of towners had been causing problems in her shop one night. Being rude to the girls and making a mess. Chuck had been passing by with his girlfriend. He had stopped and Elisa had seen a look of fury on his face that she had never seen before. He yanked the door near off its hinges. He shouted at them with a voice like thunder. They had stopped to look at him. He ordered them in that same voice to clean up their mess and then give Elisa money as recompense. When they had left, his girlfriend had to comfort him as he did not like being angry. Elisa had made him a cinnamon roll as a thank you.

“Thank you miss,” he said as he took his bag and gave her the payment and a tip.

“You’re very welcome, Chuck,” she replied.

He gave her a slow nod and walked out of the store. After he was gone, a young woman entered. Elisa had never seen her before. She was short but given that Elisa was six feet and four inches tall, most people were short in comparison to her. The young woman was Asian and pretty with a round face and chipmunk cheeks. Her hair was a dusty brown. She was wearing comfy clothes, a zip up jacket and sweat pants. She looked at Elisa who was a tall white woman that reminded her of a corn stalk with her yellow hair at the top of her head being held down by a handkerchief. She was also wearing a dark blue apron, overalls and a t-shirt.

This would be fun.

“Hi, how can I help you?” Elisa said.

“Yeah, can I get a cinnamon roll, coffee and an egg, sausage and cheese bagel,” the young woman said.

“Let me get that going for you.”

“Thanks.”

While Elisa worked on the bagel fixings.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” the young woman asked.

“Sure,” Elisa said.

“Are people really lame about how tall you are?”

“Hunh, no one has ever phrased it like that.”

“Sorry, I just I’m on the road all the time and I’m bad at conversation.”

“I never said it was offensive. It’s just most people just make jokes about my height.”

“I think it’s cool. Wish I was that tall. Can you dunk?”

“I did get through college on a full basketball scholarship but I can’t dunk, no.”

“Dang.”

She started putting the bagel in the bag.

“What do you do?” Elisa asked.

“I’m a courier and truck driver,” the young woman said.

“Now that is cool.”

“Really? It’s just a job to me.”

“Yeah, but it must be nice to be out on the open road.”

“It is.”

“Are you going to be local around here or just passing through?”

“I just moved here so this is going to be like my home base.”

“Well, then I’ll be sure to have your items ready when you get here.”

“I shouldn’t be eating this every day.”

Elisa smiled at her.

“My name is Elisa Underwood,” she said.

“I’m Jenny,” the young woman replied.

The two shook hands.

“Be safe out on the road,” Elisa said.

Jenny gave her a long look.

“Yeah, see you soon,” Jenny said.

Jenny left and Elisa realized that she was behind schedule. She started preparing the next round of food and coffee while trying to get the butterflies in stomach to stop.

My Personal Bias

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I’m going to make this simple because there’s not much to it. If a movie or TV show isn’t being continued in either of those forms but instead is being continued in comic book form. I don’t care about it and I don’t count it as canon.

I don’t know why I have that bias. I love Marvel and DC and other kinds of graphic novels. If it’s an adaption from a comic or graphic novel then I’ll go see it. It might be because it doesn’t feel like it’s done out of love? But just so that the company can hold onto the license of the property. I read one volume of the Firefly comic series and I liked it okay. But I just couldn’t get into the rest of it.

I think it might have to also do with the fact that comic books’ authors change between runs. Without the consistency of a filmmaker that might have made the movie or show, it feels like there’s less of a steady hand on the wheel.

Maybe it has to do with how long the series has been going on for. I love the Star Wars expanded universe novels but that series has been going on for the better part of five decades. Marvel and DC have been going on for even longer. Maybe because the franchise has already been passed hands so many times and proven itself, that shows that I can trust what is happening.

I have a thing I do with really popular shows. I don’t bother watching until I know the ending is good. I did this with Lost and was happy that I missed out on getting invested with that dogshit ending. I didn’t follow my own rules and got my heart broken by Game of Thrones. (Why did you have to do that to Dany, guys? Who the fuck thought Bran being the king was a good idea?).

Any reason to post Emilia Clarke is a good reason

These are just some random thoughts I’ve had about this topic. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

The Actor Mindset

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Kevin Smith on one of his podcasts once said “The difference between a normal person and a movie star is that a normal person sees some apples in a room and they think ‘someone left some apples in this room’ while a movie star walks into the same room and sees the apples and thinks ‘someone left some apples for me'”. I’ve never been around any movie stars except for that period in the twenties when I was working as Buster Keaton’s stunt double.

The thing is though that I’ve encountered a lot of people who have this mindset. That they believe that everything in the world belongs to them. I don’t think being a movie star causes this, I think it’s just something you’re born with. The idea that you’re deserving of everything, no matter how hard you’ve worked for it.

When I justify things to myself, I constantly say “I eat what I earn”. I don’t want to hype myself up too much but I think that this mindset keeps me from falling into that actor mindset. Of course, I have to think about what I’m doing and be mindful so that I’m not just lying to myself. But I know that apples in a room aren’t mine. They’re just there. An object existing in space.

There really isn’t any advice that I normally give except for the near constant advice of being mindful and checking to make sure what you’re doing is right. I’m always reminded of what Woolie from Super Best Friends Play said “Always accept binge wrong. Challenge everything you believe until you’re the best version of yourself.”