I’m just going to throw this out there. I’m just going to fucking say it.
You should get fly right off the bat.
I know, I’m so brave for saying this. But the fact of the matter is that traveling back to older towns is annoying as hell without fly. This comes from the fact that the games love throwing a cave at you full of zubat or whatever the new trash cave pokemon is. Do you want to fight a thousand of them? No? Well fuck you.
I know in the newer games they let you see the pokemon before you attempt to catch them and that’s a good idea.
I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m older and don’t have as much time for video games. I brought up that’s why I play with cheats because I don’t have the time to level up all my pokemon. But I do think it’s just poor game design when part of the playtime is that you have to struggle to get back to where you want to be.
That’s all I have to say on the subject but just make it like the second HM you get. I know that cut has to be first.
There was a great nor’ easter this weekend so I was stuck inside throughout it. I decided to play through the Link’s Awakening remake and it was fun as hell.
I had played the original when I was younger and obsessed with Legend of Zelda. They were my favorite games for the longest time. When I picked this up, I realized that most of it was still fresh in my memory. I started gathering rupees because I knew one of the big things in this game was that you needed money. It was kind of like being a character in a movie with amnesia. I was doing things that I knew I had to do but I couldn’t remember why. First up was the crane game. I know I needed to get the Yoshi doll. I gathered my rupees and started trying.
In the original, the issue was trying to figure out where the hell the Yoshi would be gripped amongst the few pixels you had on the Game Boy. This one, the Yoshi doll just keeps jumping out of the crane like it knows it’s going to its death. I got that doll and remembered it was supposed to be part of the trade sequence. So, I got that going.
What does that mean for the overall quality of the game? Not much. But considering the trade sequence runs through most of the game, it feels important to let you know about it.
The story is a simple one, Link washes up on a mysterious island. He’s told that he won’t be able to leave unless he goes to the giant egg containing the Wind Fish and wakes it up with the eight siren instruments. The Wind Fish must be into indie rock because the eight instruments are as follows, a cello, a bell, a triangle, a drum, an organ, harp, marimba and conch horn. The sonorous nightmare that must come from all of those being played together is going to be discordant to say the least. Anyway, it’s the usual Zelda format where you have to venture to the eight dungeons to get the items and gather your usual equipment, boomerang, bow and arrows, flippers and the rest.
What’s changed? First, the controls. Because of the limited buttons on the Game Boy, you had to set each item to either your A or B button. Sword and shield? Both buttons. Any other button you were lacking one of those two mainstays. The Switch 2 has many more buttons and thus they make the wonderful decision to utilize them. Sword, shield, pegasus boots and two separate items. This made it feel mostly like A Link to the Past, perhaps the greatest if not one of the greatest Zelda games ever made. So, with that change, it made playing the game so much easier. I want to play the other two Game Boy Zelda games but I hesitate because I would have to go back to that old control scheme. This update was immaculate.
Graphics? Beautiful, of course. The cartoony visuals work with the lighthearted and dreamlike nature of the story. Nothing too out of the ordinary but it all works.
Of course, we updated the chiptune soundtrack of the first one. The Animal Village soundtrack is still kind of annoying so I didn’t spend that much time in there.
The main issue I had with the games is that two last dungeons. Maybe I’m old and my brain isn’t working the way it used to but I found myself getting confused and lost in those dungeons. They’re darker than any other dungeon and more confusing. The seventh dungeon has some of those infuriating multiple level/switch puzzles that were made famous by the water temple from Ocarina of Time. Those could have used a redesign and less complication.
The whole thing took me about twenty hours to complete. I had fun the entire time, besides the last two dungeons, it never felt like a drag or sludge to get through. I would definitely check it out if you were looking into getting into Zelda or were a fan of the original.
I don’t remember how I acquired this game whether it came through the Humble Choice that I get every month or if I happened to buy it. I think it’s more the former.
Anyway, it’s a quick play only about three or so hours if you’re good at puzzles. The story is a simple one, an old man is going on a long walking journey and you need to help him get there by moving the hills so that he has a clear path. The puzzles aren’t particularly difficult. I got stuck once or twice but for the most part you’ll be able to get through them easily enough. The sheep are annoying through to figure out where they’re going to go.
The story is elegiac. As you reach certain checkpoints, the old man will stop and take a rest and we’ll see some of of his memories. It’s not the most dramatic backstory but it still pulls on the heart strings. As I get older I can start to relate and appreciate these stories where it’s just a person reflecting on the mistakes they’ve made in their lives. We all have our regrets and it’s nice to have a game that confronts them.
The art of the game is beautiful. It reminds me of art that I’ve seen before but I don’t know the artist. Maybe that’s what they were going for to further the feeling of nostalgia. All of it is based in the pastoral, portraying what I assume is rural France.
The whole game only takes about three hours to play through. I would recommend it if you’re looking for something that’s just a chill time.
I’ve talked about my love of Skyrim somewhat briefly in regards to my love of lists and how it helps with that. There have been rumors of Elder Scrolls VI since Skyrim came out and yet, it’s nowhere to be seen. Why is that?
Well, I think because Bethesda made a game that was so good that you don’t need to make anymore. It gave you the ultimate character to play that it would be difficult to figure out where to go from there. The Dragonborn. The last of their kind to exist, born to learn the language of dragons and then use that power to slay them. They can become the head of the wizarding college, a bard, head of both an assassin and thief guild and all kinds of other things. The minute you were done with the opening, the world opened up to you and you could just do whatever you wanted. I heard about a guy that just spent hundreds of hours playing as an NPC. The game despite being a buggy mess is utter perfection.
So, how do you build on perfection? Valve haven’t figured that out and they’ve possibly be working on a follow up to one of the greatest FPS shooters of all time, Half-Life 2. There’s nowhere to go but down if you were to try and continue on that. They did pretty good with Half-Life: Alyx, which I still think that it shouldn’t have been part of the gimmicky VR, but they keep waiting for new innovations to build around.
It’s the powerset though with Skyrim that I think is what’s kneecapping it. As I stated up above, the Dragonborn is so fucking cool that you would be hard pressed to create something that would equal it. I’m sure if you didn’t play as the Dragonborn, people would make mods to enable it. Thus we arrive at the Saints Row IV problem.
Saints Row started as a copy of Grand Theft Auto 3 considering that game did gangbusters. The first Saints Row did okay but started making a name for itself by leaning into the goofiness in the second one. That kept going with things like dildo bats, a dubstep gun and any other number of funny weapons. The dialogue was legitimately funny at times. They were good games.
Then Saints Row IV came out and you straight up just had super powers. And that’s where the games just kind of… stopped being good. Because you really couldn’t go back to not having superpowers but you also just couldn’t keep doing superpowers. It would become stale after a long while.
And that brings me to what to do about the Elder Scrolls. Embrace the open world aspect of it. Just send the player out without any real direction and let them figure it out. Just start talking to people and finding out what’s happening. Someone mentions that bandits are in the local cave. Go take them out. Alchemy and conjuration can be specialized to the point that you could spend hours just learning those. Give them their own quests. Have different ways to get into the main quest based on who you talk to so people are trading stories about how they got into it. Baldur’s Gate 3 has proven that people aren’t afraid of big games anymore. Make it bigger and the true medieval rags to riches hero journey. You have the winning formula to do more. So do it.
Over the course of this week, I realized I’m at my best when I have my tasks on a list. I started a daily checklist of things that I need to do that include such scintillating entries as “Scoop cat boxes”, “drink beet juice” and “continue my work into establishing a dimensional space tunnel that will bring me back to my true love on ixion-6. Wait for me *(&^(^(& I will come back to you. I know that we don’t speak the same language and that you communicate through a series of tonal harmonies but some things go beyond that. Truly yours is a butt that just won’t quit. I’m pretty sure that part of you is a butt”. You know, normal stuff like that.
There’s something satisfying about going down a list and seeing things being done. I do it for my shopping, my cleaning and just about everything else. Maybe I have some undiagnosed issue that no therapist has been able to nail down in me yet. Or maybe I just have a mind that’s more structured for organization. Either way, this revelation helped me realize what’s at the heart of my love for the long running Bethesda RPG, Skyrim. Given its full flowers, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
Skyrim breaks up every quest into a to-do list. It’s go here, do this thing and go home. It’s nice and simple. Sometimes I like to figure out where I’m going next. Most of the time, I just want to be told. In between quests, wander around and fuck up some dragons. It’s a perfect game.
It also has me using mods so that my character can hang out with Sonic and Jesus. Living my best life.
This is kind of stupid. I know it is. These are little pieces of 0’s and 1’s. But people get attached to fictional characters all the time. To me, it just says more about humanity and the way that our hearts fall for certain things.
There’s a website where you can name your favorite Pokemon. And every one of them, including the stupid trash bag pokemon has been claimed as someone’s favorite.
Waste of everyone’s time
I don’t know why, it just makes me kind of happy. It’s a really stupid feeling to have. But it just makes me marvel at the way people’s minds work and their appreciation for even the least of things.
Throughout the ages there have always been sexy fox characters. The first in my memory is Robin Hood from Disney’s Robin Hood. If Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships, this anthropomorphic fox launched a thousand fursuits.
I’m not a furry, but I get it
From there, there has always been a sexy fox character just hanging around. I get why it’s foxes. I mean, one of our synonyms for sexy is foxy. I just don’t fully understand it because this isn’t my thing. Now we’ve kept it going throughout this time. Next one that I can think of is Renamon.
The amount of thirsty fanart for this digimon is through the goddamn roof. I’m trying to think of why this one hit so hard when there are so many other super thirsty designs that you don’t even need to try to make creepy through fanart.
Look at this thirst trap
An honorable mention of course is Lola Bunny from the original Space Jam. This rabbit version of Natalie Dormer came out of nowhere and probably introduced a whole new generation to the world of furries.
Wait a minute… bunny and fox. Oh my God, Disney knows what they were doing.
Could that have been a variable in the creation of this movie? Is it all coincidence? Who could say. But this more mature male fox character does lead me to one of the points of creating this post. The new Star Fox designs. Now, there have been a number of designs for Star Fox from the polygonal in Star Fox 64 to the fresh young man in Smash Bros. Ultimate.
Look at this fresh young man whose ready to hit the clubs. He looks like he drives a Ferrari but it’s not because he’s having a midlife crisis. Just that he’s living life on the edge. Over the weekend, they announced the remake for the Switch 2 and showed the new designs. And the reaction has been mixed.
Okay, I don’t hate it. But a lot of people do and I think I can understand the reason why. Go back to that last picture and look at it. Young looking and fancy free. Ready to do battle in the Smash Bros tournament or whatever the hell they’re doing. This one, seems to be more mature, older. In a word, a daddy. And I think that’s why people don’t like it. As with all things we idolize the young while we disdain the old. I’d give this new Fox a mortgage. I’d demand a co-signer for young Fox’s mortgage application.
The thing is about this Fox McCloud is that he’s a daddy. And as gaming has matured with its audience so has its characters. We’ve gotten so many games about sad dads. It’s time for a sad fox dad.
“My food came quick though the person handing me the food stared at me with lifeless, dead eyes.”
⭐️
“It’s very clear that because us drive thru people can’t leave, he leaves us until the end of the day. I ordered food at 7am and didn’t get it until twelve hours later. I was also the last person in line at the drive thru so I got a burger with 25 patties on it.”
⭐️
“Seems to force fairies to do all the work and also kept leaping over out table on the way to help other customers. The steak was not that great.”
⭐️
“Asked him if they had more than the five items on the shelf and he said that he hadn’t unlocked anything else. I don’t know how I’m supposed to make a meal with chocolate cereal, flower, white bread, sugar and vegetable oil.”
No Stars
“Oh God, he’s killed so many people. He doesn’t slow down for road closings. He just barrels through. He’s a menace to everyone else on the road. Sometimes he’ll just be driving normally but he’ll just veer off the road and crash into the guardrail.”
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“I’ve never met anyone happier to do their job than this power washer. Though I’m a little worried about the condition of his knees as he keeps falling off of tall things and is seemingly fine.”
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“It was a really good shop until he overextended himself and couldn’t afford to finish a car. Since then it’s been left fallow and he never came back to it. I’d like to get my car but he hasn’t been backed. Welp, he’s starting a new garage, I’m disappearing like I just got snapped by Thanos. Goodbye my darling wife. Goodbye my chi-“
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“It’s good food as long as you don’t show up in the last ten seconds. Then they realize they can’t fulfill your order and just spin in place.”
⭐️⭐️⭐️
“He was preparing my food but then he was alerted the bathroom needed to be cleaned and he did so but didn’t wash his hands.”
⭐️⭐️⭐️
“Good coffee for a bad price. But make sure that you’re order isn’t complicated because if it is, the owner will come around the counter and hit you with a baseball bat. Also people keep leaving their cigarettes on the floor. One person did and the swing of his baseball bat hit most of us. He seemed to not care and then went to bed at 3pm while there were still people in the queue.”
I played Paperboy 2 for the SNES when I was a kid. I was playing it again through totally legal means and thought about how excellently, this game tempts you with things to whip newspapers at.
Look at that, a baby and a suckling pig. If you hit that pig it goes running off and might kill you. That’s a death worth having by my estimations. You save the pig and he gets revenge on you. It’s actually good if you hit the baby because it stops flying down the street out of control. There are like half a dozen you have to avoid. Is there someone at the top of the street just whipping her sextuplets down the street.
Then you have this old folks having a precious moment. Just asking for you to hit them with a newspaper so that they kick their legs up. What’s one subscriber out of ten for that street when you get to do that? You can get them to sign up through word of mouth if you aren’t a shit to the other subscribers.
Then there’s this dude. Just one little hit to that jack… and boom. He dies. No one would know. This game might be turning me into a psychopath.
To be fair to the paperboy/girl you have to deal with this bullshit.
Look at a man just whipping tires into the open street. I would be on the other side of his house catching those tires to resell them.
Then there’s this bullshit of gargoyles that are constantly shooting fireballs. What is this neighborhood? But then again, maybe that house makes sense when we have…
Active hauntings!
And a fortress that’s opening fire I guess on the people across the street. What did the local zoning board have to say about the moat? And the cannons?
I couldn’t find a screenshot of it but there’s also a convenience store that’s getting robbed every day and the only one there to stop it is the paperboy/girl.
The fact of the matter is that this town should have a great deal of news regarding these weird neighborhoods. But I guess news is so slow in this town that the local hiring and firing of paperboys/girls makes front page news.
Anyway, to get to the point. This game fucking rules.
I want you to know that this isn’t a paid advertisement. I’m not getting any money for this. I just stumbled across this randomly. It’s the trailer for Showa American Story and I’m so intrigued that I felt I had to make a post about this.
So, there’s a lot going on and yet, I have no idea what is happening. Definitely, America has been bought by America. Got it. There are zombies. Sure. A man commits seppuku in front of Mount Rushmore. Getting weirder. There are a bunch of fat men that Voltron into a fat men megazord. Uh… There’s a man who says that he’s a cowboy and samurai. Kind of par for the course. There are zombies using their organs as weapons. That makes sense, they’ve been doing that since the Left 4 Dead franchise.
The visuals look beautiful, which shouldn’t be anything new. We have the graphical ability to make great looking games easily now. What really looks good is that everything is imaginative. They show these large landscape shots where it looks like everything has been lived in and civilized in a certain manner. That they put thought into this. I can really appreciate that.
Whatever the nitty gritty of the story is, it’s going to be insane. This feels like a Hideo Kajima game or a SUDA51. They have their own logic and they’re applying it to this nonsense and it’s going to break your hear and make you question your sanity.
The thing is that this reminds me of every time I’ve seen a trailer for some weird movie that I know is going to shake me to my core. Something like Blue Velvet or the Lighthouse. It just looks like this game is ready to grab me Peter Pan style and take me on a life changing journey. So, yeah, I guess for the trailer hook, line and sinker.
When it comes out, I’m going to play it and I’ll report back. I just wanted you all to know about this if it flew below your radar.
