Very Important People

Leave a reply

Dropout’s show that’s been running for three seasons as this point, Very Important People, is such a genius idea. The basic concept is that the host, Vic Michaelis(they/them), interviews a comedian who has been given a makeover into some kind of character or creature. The person getting the makeover has no say in or idea what they’re going to become. They then have to come up with a character based on their makeover. Here are a few examples:

Anna Garcia as Princess Emily

Ify Nwadiwe as Denzel

It’s a fascinating show. The skill of their improvisation is so impressive. Vic is no slouch either, they’re playing the straight man with barely controlled madness. They fully give in to whatever the character on the other side of the couch is giving them. There’s a nimbleness to them. They help weave together their interaction into a story that can end with Vic getting punched in the face or quitting the show and taking a demon home. as a roommate/child.

However, they finally went too far. The makeup department brought this hell into my good Christian eyes:

Ollie and Archimedes played by Jacob Wysocki and Brennan Lee Mulligan. Even when they appeared Vic was visibly shook. I will never watch this episode and if you want to get me to confess secrets I’ve never had, you just need to put me in a chair and force me to watch it. Anyway, here’s the first episode that’s free on Youtube if you want to check it out before you subscribe to Dropout.

I Can Be Dumb Sometimes

Leave a reply

I used to work in a long term pharmacy and that meant that sometimes we had to work the major holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Year’s. My first year with them, Thanksgiving was coming up and we had to choose which holidays to take. My sister had just ended a long term relationship and didn’t want to explain to several dozen people where her partner was so she wasn’t going to Thanksgiving with my parents.

I decided that we could have Thanksgiving together. So, I put in for that day and felt good about it.

You might note in those actions, I didn’t talk to my sister about us having dinner together. So, when I, full of misplaced pride in what I had done, told my parents about this, they pointed out that my sister was going to California to have Thanksgiving with her friends.

And that’s how I spent that Thanksgiving alone. Communication is important!

Permanently Lame

Leave a reply

Yesterday I spoke about drunk drivers. Now, I want to share an albatross that I have to carry around my neck for the rest of my life.

I never knew where to get weed. Not until it got legalized. Now I’ll never be able to say yeah, I know where to score some bud, some cush, some sticky-icky, some Mary Jane. Some that loud.

Let me be clear that I’ve never smoked pot nor do I want to. I just wanted to know where to get it. But that time has passed. Now I know where to get it because there’s five dispensaries in or around the town I live in.

I guess I’ll never be one of the cool kids. I don’t want to be someone who knows where to get harder drugs because that just seems like bad news.

Something I’ve Noticed

Leave a reply

I like watching body cam videos. I don’t know why or what about it that fascinates me. Maybe there’s a secret true crime fan inside of me that I’ve never embraced. But I especially like the ones where drunk drivers get their selfish asses hauled off to jail for the night. Because there’s nothing worse than idiots who decide to that they can put everyone’s lives on the line because they decided to have too much to drink.

But having watched a number of these videos, an underlying theme that I’ve seen is that all the drunks when asked how much they’ve had to drink they always respond two beers or two drinks.

I don’t drink so I can’t speak on the matter but is it decided amongst drinking folk that that’s the agreed upon amount to tell the cops? Is there a cultural reason to do so? I wouldn’t be so intrigued if it wasn’t so consistent. They always just say two. Maybe someone in their high school told them that that was the get out of jail free card for stops like this and they all went with it.

Anyway, whoever decides to drink and drive, they deserve to have the book thrown at them.

Two Suits

Leave a reply

I bought two suits in 2020
The promise of getting a new job
Things didn’t work out that way
And they stood in my closet
Waiting for a chance to do their thing
Now, I’ve worn them out
I lost sixty pounds from when I bought them
They fit me better now
I keep track of how often they go
To sad events or happy ones
Unfortunately, the score isn’t even
It’s been a hard five years

One Year Later

Leave a reply

I started this blog and meant to update it every day of the week and have off on Saturday and Sunday. I managed over the last year to do a little over half of the days. I think that’s pretty good.

I’m not going to give an excuse for why I haven’t posted more. Instead, I’m just going to explain where I was this last year and why I won’t have the same problems that I did this year.

When I started this blog, I had just started a new job. I was nervous the entire time. Because of my anxiety I was constantly on edge that I was going to be fired. I had just moved into my first solo apartment. It took me a minute to figure everything out on that. I’m still realizing that I’m lacking in certain things here and there but I just pick them up and move on.

In short, I spent the last year dancing as fast I can. But now, my feet are below me. I’m established. I have a schedule that I can keep to. It feels good to be in this position. The chaos that this last year was has left me now feeling strong and capable. I want to spend this coming year getting back into shape and really focusing on my writing. I think that I’m going to be able to do it and I have the drive to do so.

Stick it out here and we’ll go on this journey together. Happy New Year, my friends.

The Flying V and Avengers: Doomsday

Leave a reply

When I was younger, I used to love the Mighty Ducks movies. They were quirky and fun and made me wish I could rollerblade. I attempted several times but the fears of breaking bones, which I’ve never done, put me off from putting any serious effort into it. See also, why I don’t ride bikes.

So, for the uninitiated, the flying V is a move they pull in the Mighty Ducks where they skate towards the opposing team’s goal in a V formation. Passing the puck between them so the goalie doesn’t know who’s going to take the shot. They then score a goal because the goalie is just bad at his job. Here’s the video:

It takes the opposing teams three movies to realize they can just bum rush the ducks and beat their asses and the whole thing falls apart.

When it happens in the third movie, it means something. That the old tricks don’t work and they’re outclassed. Pretty simple.

But what I want is for that to happen in Avengers: Doomsday. In one of the biggest scenes in history in Avengers: Endgame, we saw every hero we got to know over a decade of movies join together for a charge against Thanos’ forces. It’s this enormous shot and they eventually win in the end. It truly is the epitome of the word, epic.

So, in Avengers: Doomsday, I think they should do it again. And the Avengers should fucking fail. That would show that this is a new threat that’s beyond anything they’ve seen before. Also, I think it would only be right that Doom is that big of a threat.

I still think it’s stupid that it’s Robert Downey Jr. It should be literally anyone else. Perhaps someone of Romani heritage like the character is supposed to be.

A Farewell

Leave a reply

I hadn’t updated this blog in quite a while. I just haven’t had the heart to do so. It’s because a friend of mine has passed away recently. I won’t get into the details. I won’t say his name because I want the family to have their privacy. I know I’m not popular enough for a bunch of people to try and find them but you never know.

The death was sudden. We didn’t see it coming. He was there one day. I was texting him about when the next time we were going to hang was and then I got a text message from his mother that he was in the hospital. I went to see him that night. I heard the news and said my goodbyes. He was gone by that Saturday.

As I said, I don’t want to talk about the details. But I will talk about who he was as a person. He was a man that had been put into an absolutely terrible situation. One that would cause any other person to feel rage or anger. Him on the other hand, he was always patient, always kind. He had lost his father when he was much younger, when we were teens. When my own passed, I told him I guess we’re in the same shitty club.

I’m reminded of a line from Cold Mountain, where Stobrod sees the grave of Pangle. “If God was to set out killing every man on earth in order of their demerits, that boy would bring up the hind end of the line.” It’s suitable for him. He was kind, always. He was gentle, always. He loved his nieces and nephews. He loved his family. He loved everyone.

He had a love of movies that I think was more of an extension of that love. I think that he was just interested in people and their stories. Because of that, I constantly think about the movies I’m going to see and how we won’t be able to talk about them. The shows we were watching that I have to finish on my own.

It hits me in bits and pieces. I think it’s going to start hitting me more as time goes on. When I come down to visit my mom and I know that I’m not going to go see him. It hasn’t happened yet because of holidays, which always screwed up our hang out schedule as well as it’s only been about two weeks.

I don’t have much else to say about this. Usually when I make posts that aren’t about the stupid nerd shit that I like, I offer some kind of way forward. Some little thing that you and I can do to make our lives a little bit better. I don’t have that.

Grief is like nothing else. There is no path but forward. No way but through. It’s a vast ocean that you float in and have to keep your head over water. The waves will hit you and you will feel yourself get overwhelmed. But if you kick your legs and fight to live and honor the people you loved. You’ll get to shore.

Poker Replacement

Leave a reply

I made a joke over the weekend that when I come to power, I’m going to force people to go through every western and digitally replace every poker or blackjack scene with Magic the Gathering. It was supposed to be a funny joke about the juxtaposition of a nerdy game vs the toughness and manliness of the wild west. But then I thought that there must be other replacements for poker.

Board games were a definitive out. It’s hard enough to keep track of all of the pieces while you’re living in a house. Imagine trying to find the top hat for your Monopoly game while you’re on the dusty trail fighting outlaws and trying to maintain law.

Thus we must consider portability. It has to fit in the saddlebag and be able to be kept together easily enough. So, Dungeons and Dragons is straight out. All those clanking miniatures, books, maps, the thousands of dice and such. No way that a cowboy can herd cattle with that. This also ties into knowing how to play. Everyone knows how to play poker but what if you have someone that plays pathfinder instead of DND? What then?

Finally, we have to think about what could cause the most tension when playing it. How many people have died over particularly vexing hands of poker. We know that Bill Hickok was killed holding a hand of black aces and eights. So, that means that you need to have some tension. That leads me to figuring out what the ultimate replacer to poker would be for the cowboys and cowgirls.

Thats right, it’s Jenga. Portable? Yes, sir. Instead of carrying 52 cards, you’re carrying 54 little pieces of wood. It can easily be made again, what carpenter can’t make 54 tiny little rectangles? Plus, if you’re truly desperate, you can use them as fire starters. Tension?

“Son, you topple that tower, you’ll be eating a bullet.”

Boom. Both me proving my point with an onomatopoeia and what’s going to happen to the kid when he topples that tower. Then we got Jenga, where the rules are so simple. Remove block put on top. Done. Plus, you can’t cheat as well at Jenga as when you’re playing poker.

There, I think I’ve proven that card games should be replaced by Jenga in westerns. No one asked for this but there it is.