Despite the title, only one person in my group of players is a murder hobo. Still, she influences the others and they sometimes come close to the line and are more willing to step over it. The method I’m going to describe is not to completely stop them from doing it, it’s because of something one of my players said offhandedly.
A different player stated that many of my NPCs are overpowered badasses. She didn’t say it particularly annoyed but more as a cautionary thing. I realized that I might have been doing that and it might have been seen as putting a barrier between them and having fun. That they wouldn’t try particularly strategies because they were worried that it might cause a full party wipe. That’s not fun. If every enemy can easily kill them then you’re in troll mode or Dark Souls mode. That’s not fun for a DND session.
I thought on it for awhile and the answer came to me in those videos where someone starts fucking with someone who just so happens to be a trained boxer. The big person thinks that they can step to anyone and throws a punch at a rando. The rando gets into a perfect boxing stance and bashes his face in. I decided that that should be the same thing in DND.
So, whenever they encounter an NPC for the first time, I roll two D20s and that becomes their level. It requires a little work to make sure that I know how to handle them at each level but it does add an extra level of randomness into the game. It also helps with the creation of fun new characters. They encounter an old woman on the road. They decide to attack her. I roll the two D20’s and it turns out that her level is twenty-eight. Suddenly, you have this retired badass who just so happens to be living in this little town. She blocks the blow with her cane.
“Of all the terrible ideas, you’ve had, this might be the worse,” she says.
She hits for thirty damage and starts throwing out ninth level spells. She doesn’t kill the team. She heals them and gives them a lecture about being better people. Everyone has a good laugh.
I put this kind of into action in the last session because I had an encounter where a giant weasel was sniffing around a tent. One of my players has a squirrel companion that can do this thing called fiery teleportation. It goes up to the weasel to speak to it and the weasel swallows it. The others prepare to fight the bad weasel. The squirrel teleports out doing 12 damage. The weasel only has 9 HP and thus dies. Everyone has a good laugh.
Soon they might encounter something that they don’t know how strong it is. It’s going to make them second guess themselves and drive them forward. It makes the world more fair and more dangerous. When I introduced this concept to my group, I said this to them:
Readers, I write to you in a positive snit. An absolute snit. Let me quickly make sure that word isn’t problematic. Okay, I’m back. It’s good.
I just wanted to watch Anne Hathaway and Ewan McGregor fight dinosaurs. That’s all I wanted. I was there. I was sat. I was ready.
The movie starts and it’s kind of boring in that it’s hyper realistic in the tension between a pair of people that have been married for far too long. Alright, I’m okay with a slow start.
The boy in the family owns a cute dog. Okay, quick check at doesthedogdie.com and I can see that the the dog is fine. Cool, let’s keep going.
The weird flashing lights happen and the beginning of dinosaurs start appearing. The daughter of the family is sitting on the roof reading and she sees a cat run across the street. The cat yowls. Okay, that’s not great but as long as I don’t have to see it, it’s fine. Back to https://www.doesthedogdie.com/ and…
Son of a bitch.
I tell my sister and we get up. We don’t demand our money back, we just leave. Thank you Regal Pass for making the great loss about 53 cents.
I don’t know why movies need to do this. It’s so unnecessary. I’ve been writing for the last twenty-seven years and besides my heroes fighting monsters or like bears in the wild, I’ve never had to have a dog or cat get killed. I just find it so stupid. You can just have them kill a person. Who cares about a person?
That makes me sound like a psychopath and I don’t care. Because I know that while I don’t like seeing people die in video games and thus have mostly been playing Tetris and simulator games lately, for the most parts those are pretty bloodless and simple deaths. A bullet hole appears, a person falls over. I’m not into the Eli Roth Hostel, graphic shit. I hate that too.
I know storytellers should be allowed to tell a story the way they want to but I just don’t like seeing it. I’m writing this as my two cats hang around me and I would set the world aflame if someone did something to them.
I just think that it should be part of the rating with the strong blood violence and drug use warnings.
Despite being in a horrendous, annoyed snit about all of this, I want to thank those that put in the hard work at https://www.doesthedogdie.com/ so that I didn’t have to see something that would upset me.
You can call me a wuss for leaving a movie over this and I don’t care. Stop using that as an intensifier. It sucks.
I’m six foot tall and it doesn’t feel that it should be that way. Like I think I was supposed to be short but then like puberty got it wrong and I shot up like a weed. I don’t think I have tall guy energy. I think I’m just gangly and awkward.
It is useful of course for the ability to reach up and pick things off tall shelves. It’s very rarely that I need to use a stepladder or anything like that.
Also, I don’t like to fight because I don’t fight fair or clean. It’s fortunate enough that I have the height on me that most fights end before they start. I remember there was this one time that I was on the train and my knee accidentally bumped into the seat in front of me. The man behind me must have been having a bad day because he told me that if my leg bumped his back again, he was going to beat my head in.
My dad told me to always stand up against bullies. I stood to my full height and towered over him. He said “Yeah!” and sat back down. Didn’t bother me again but I did try to make sure that I didn’t bump the seat in front of me. There’s no reason to be rude.
In my head, I think that I’m much smaller than I am. Maybe that’s something I need to talk about in therapy. Or maybe it’s okay that I know it’s better for me to not to take up as much space as other people. I don’t think that being tall is an achievement, it was just the cards I was dealt. It’s just an aspect of who I am, just one small part. Or a tall part. Lol.
I’ve been listening to the White Stripes lately and while they’re albums are well known bangers with very few skips(looking at you, Aluminum). I think that their B-Sides deserve some special attention. So, for today’s post, I’m going to be reviewing them. I will be excluding live versions of already recorded songs.
It’s My Fault For Being Famous– From the Conquest EP, this is the start of Jack White feeling itchy about being famous and rich. This one showcases him being constantly assaulted by people and he’s not allowed to defend himself based on his fame. No matter how much at fault the other people are. It’s a fun little acoustic number in the same line as Hotel Yorba, jaunty and upbeat. And whose that coming in on background vocals? Why not other than Beck.
Cash Grab Complications on the Matter– Thanks to the keyboard sounds on this one, it has a 60s psychedelic feel to it. This reminds me of early Stripes where it’s not perfect sound wise. Still if you’re looking for something fun and experimental, check this one out.
Honey, We Can’t Afford to Look This Cheap– Something else that Jack White put into a lot of his songs is the way that men take from women but don’t offer that much. This song is about a man trying to fulfill his dreams while his partner has to suffer for it. The line “We might have to sell your long hair/I don’t mind you wearing a wig/But I won’t steal”. They’re living above their means and he knows it. It’s all a gamble and she has to chauffeur him around so that people think that he’s rich. It’s the pleadings of a selfish man and he sells it in his vocals. A hidden gem.
Shelter Of Your Arms- This one took me by surprise, I had never actually listened to it before. Immediately, it didn’t sound like Jack’s lyrics. I investigated and found out that it was a Greenhornes song. Jack has a way of covering bands that he likes to put their music out there. This is a faithful cover to the original, which has a deep blues sound. Perfect for the Stripes.
Who’s A Big Baby?– If you’ve been thinking that I’ve been too nice in my reviews, you’re getting a treat. I didn’t care for this song in my youth and while it’s grown on me, I would say that this is one of my least favorite White Stripes songs. You’re still the worst, Aluminum. I always love a song where Meg gets to take center stage and sing but this one distorts her normally gentle voice and buries under effects. While it has some fun marimba playing, it could be better.
Though I Hear Your Calling, I Will Not Answer– This song feels like a culmination of everything that Jack learned during the making of Get Behind Me Satan. It’s a weird little song like Who’s a Big Baby but it feels more finished than that song. With its repetitive lyrics I would say it’s also the most classic Blues song that he’s written. Kind of like It’s All In Your Mind by Beck where he just repeats the same lyric over and over again.
St. Ides of March– Another cover song this one originally by the Soledad Brothers. Just Jack playing some good guitar and good drums. Jack’s giving a great vocal performance as well. Sometimes a song is just good without needing too much explanation.
Who’s to Say(Blanche cover)- See previous entry.
Good To Me(Brendan Benson cover)– This is getting hard because these are just straightforward covers of these songs. For this one, I would say that it’s almost as good as the original but Brendan does a little more with his version. They’re both very good. You might notice that I’ve started adding the original artist in a parentheses. Why didn’t I go back and do the others? Because I need to live with my mistakes. It’s why I don’t edit my books. I just shout at a speech to text translator and post.
Black Jack Davey(Traditional)– This sounds like a Dylan song. Let me quick check to see if he also covered it. I’m back, he did. Jack comes down on those strings with the precision of a sewing machine. It’s a great song and one of my favorite B-sides.
Candy Cane Children– A very early White Stripes song and their Christmas song. If you like their self titled you’ll like this. So, I do. Plus, it doesn’t sound like most Christmas songs which seem to be okay just kind of sounding like every other Christmas song.
Reading of the Story of the Magi/Silent Night- Jack reads the story of the Magi while Meg sings Silent Night and they argue about the lyrics. Just a fun little look into their lives, I think. On a personal note, Dragula by Rob Zombie started playing randomly after this song finished. It was quite the whiplash.
Lovesick(Bob Dylan cover)- One of my favorite, most dramatic Dylan songs covered by one of the most dramatic bands that I’ve ever listened to. A winner on all counts.
Rated X(Loretta Lynn cover)– I’m pretty sure that this was recorded at the Hotel Yorba as it’s the B-side for the Hotel Yorba single. Good acoustic cover and you get some nice Meg background vocals.
Walking With a Ghost(Tegan and Sara cover)– This one was it’s own EP but is not available on Spotify for some reason. Unlike the original this one is an electric version and Jack is really giving it with the falsetto on this one.
Lord, Send Me an Angel(Blind Willie McTell cover)– A simple blues cover that has some tailor made for Detroit lyrics. I’ve heard people say that it’s weird for a white man to cover a black man’s blues song. I don’t know particularly which one is right. I think that considering Jack was always vocal about his love for blues artists and helped bring attention to them. I want to think it’s for the best but I can understand the other side of it.
Red Death at 6:14– Another early Stripes jam that didn’t quite make the cut. Showcases their experimentation with parts of the song where Meg just sings “la, la, la” and then cuts into a Jack White solo. Pretty fun song overall.
Hand Springs- Showcasing Jack White’s storytelling. He is playing a pretty subdued riff and then solos in between the verses. Tells the tale of Jack getting jealous at a bowling alley. Good song. Probably one of my favorite White Stripes songs in the entire catalog.
That was all the songs and I think you can just check out any of them. They’re all good. And in the ned, fuck you, Aluminum. You’re a bad song.
I love the Wu-Tang Clan. They’re musical geniuses who are one of the cornerstones of hip-hop. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad song from them. There is one thing though that I was thinking about this weekend.
In the show, Luke Cage, our hero stops a robbery at a convenience store. One of the people being held up is Method Man. A robber even stops to let him know how much he loves his music, because why wouldn’t you take the time to tell them that?
Now, we all know what happened with Thanos and his glove. He snapped his fingers and half of every world died. So, now with a flip of a simple coin, I’m going to figure out how many members of the Wu-Tang Clan weren’t snapped out of existence. My methodology is that if they get a tails, Thanos got them, as they both start with T. Science.
The RZA- Snapped
The GZA- Safe
Ghostface Killah- Safe
Method Man- Snapped
Raekwon- Safe
Inspectah Deck- Safe
Cappadonna- Snapped
U-God- Safe
Those aren’t bad odds, honestly. Only a third of their members are gone. I think the remaining six could put out a pretty good album about it. Let’s do this with some more bigger groups. Admittedly, the Spice Girls were the first ones that popped into my head so let’s start there.
Baby Spice- Snapped
Ginger Spice- Safe
Scary Spice- Safe
Sporty Spice- Snapped
Posh Spice- Safe
Okay, forty percent gone but there are fewer members so that’s to be expected. I was listening to the White Stripes earlier, so let’s see if they make it out.
Jack White- Snapped
Meg White- Snapped
Nope. That’s what you get for not having a bassist or anyone else to maintain your legacy. These are peanuts though. Let’s go big. The Polyphonic Spree who have at their height had about 27 members on stage. According to their Wikipedia page though they averaged about 21. After exhaustive coin flipping they lost about 10 members. Thanos smiled seeing that French hornist go.
I don’t know why mentioning French horns reminded me of Matt and Kim but let’s do them real quick.
Matt- Safe
Kim- Safe
At least one indie duo is safe. That’s good. How about a quick trio? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Karen O- Snapped
Nick- Snapped
Brian- Snapped
Shit. One of my favorite bands gone like so much dust in the wind. Okay, last one, let’s see if she can survive.
Taylor Swift- Safe.
Thanos possible Swiftie? I have to stop this but I would like to take the time to point out how I felt like the MCU wasted a lot of potential storytelling with the Snap. Like for these musicians when they’re gone, who gets their royalties? Seemingly, their next of kin. But what happens when they come back?
The jump forward made sense for Endgame. But have a show that’s called something like Remnants or The Other Half and show their stories. It would be so interesting. Maybe I’ll write it into fanfiction.
I’ve had this idea for a long time and while I think that American remakes are terrible, I think that this would be fun. For those that don’t know, Attack on Titan is a show where what remains of humanity are locked inside of a group of walls to save them from the Titans, massive naked humanoids that seek to eat them.
Here’s hoping you get swallowed and don’t have to deal with being crunched.
I watched the first season and most of the second but then found out that the main characters become fascists and gave up on it after that. There was a live action movie, which I saw with my friends and it sucked. The thing about these movies is that technology is stuck somewhere in the realm of I want to say revolutionary era America. Guns are single shot and not that useful. Also, titans have to be killed by having the back of their necks sliced open. They do this by using swords and something called ODM gear to swing them around the city while they fight.
That part is sick as hell. So, now that we have all that backstory, what’s the big idea I’ve had? Simple. They should make a remake of this, hype all the big names in it, all the best talent in Hollywood. Show them in the gear.
Then murder all of them immediately.
Jenna Ortega, eaten. Tom Holland, knocked out of the sky and eaten. Brad Pitt, stomped on.
Just a full ten minutes of popular Hollywood actors getting merced to show that no one in the franchise is safe. After that, start the actual movie with a group of unknown actors. Maybe make Inde Navarrette the Mikasa Ackerman substitute. I don’t know.
You have to subvert expectations because the original show does that so well. Especially for…
Click here to reveal spoiler!In the fifth episode of the show, Eren Yeager the protagonist gets eaten by a Titan, the first time he tries to fight.
Anyway, that’s what I would do. But we don’t need anymore live action anime remakes especially because Jordan Peele had the beautiful and talented Keke Palmer perform an Akira slide in Nope and that kind of won for best anime adaption of all time.
