Yoga and Dancing

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I went to yoga for the second time in my life this weekend. The first time wasn’t miserable but I think I was in worse shape then than I was now. It was still difficult, at certain points the yogi said that I should stretch as far as my body would allow. Usually, I think she means when it comes to how your arms and legs feel. Instead with some of the back stretches it came down to how much my tum-tum would allow.

I chose the wrong time to get started on this as the classes are going to be cancelled because of renovations in the building that it’s a part of. I plan to go back though when it’s available. The yogi also said that I had young hips considering how easily I could get into the lotus position. I mostly sit cross-legged throughout my life even in office chairs. I think that helps it.

That was in the morning and I was admittedly exhausted. I tried to take a nap but was unable to really get into it because I had a delightful backyard wedding to go to. I dressed in my Sunday best and headed out. The wedding had a dance floor, which I wasn’t fully expecting.

After a beautiful ceremony, a wonderful meal, it was time for the dancing. I hadn’t been dancing in a long time and I had to admit that I was a bit nervous about it. Not that I would be bad at it, I’m not a great dancer, I’m an enthusiastic dancer. I think I’m the best kind of dancer to have at your wedding. Not good enough to make people not want to be on the dance floor and bad enough to think that people can dance without feeling self conscious.

The nervousness came from my anxiety based heart worries. I have never had a heart episode or attack or anything like that but since that became a possibility in my mind, I’ve worried about pushing myself too hard. But I thought to myself, I’ve been getting pretty good readings on my heart and cholesterol. Why not go for it? There were a lot of intelligent people there. At least one of them could be a doctor.

And I danced and it was glorious. The couple picked some great songs. Hell, the bride went down the aisle to an orchestral version of “Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance. I had an early day the next day, so I left somewhat early.

I expected to be wracked with pain the next day. I was a little bit sore and tired but other than that, I was able to move pretty well. I’m writing this on a Monday which I’ve also used as a rest day. I think that I’ll be good to get back into the water tomorrow and go for a swim. I know that it’ll make me feel better. I think I’m grumpier when I don’t exercise. Thanks dopamine.

I want to write more of these posts about what’s going on in my life. I guess I’ll find out if people like them.

I’m Sorry, Childhood Classic is Now Scary is just unoriginal

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Look at Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse, they’re coming to kill you! They have knives and axes! They’re going to kill people. What a twist! So interesting.

No, it’s not. It’s fucking lazy. You saw that something was now public domain and are hoping to score points for name recommendation and notoriety. Boring.

You might say though, Frank!

To which I would reply, yeah, what’s up?

You liked the Five Nights a Freddy’s games and movies? Isn’t that the same thing?

No, it’s not.

I don’t agree with Scott Cawthon’s politics but he put in the work and created an entire backstory and history for his characters. They’re original at the very least. To the point that people started hiring Nicolas Cage in movies as tribute or to cash in on that success.

I might be missing something by not watching these movies and just judging them by their concepts. They could be phenomenal. The problem is that I’ve seen movies come out with amazing ideas like Obsession and The Other Mommy. That they can sell me just by showing how weird and original they’re going to be. When I have that on my plate, why would I waste my time on something that just looks like a big old gimmick?

I don’t want to victim blame a Pokemon but…

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So, there’s this pokemon called Farfetch’d. There he is:

You might notice that he’s carrying a leek. That was one of the reasons that they were hunted nearly to extinction. And then to add insult to injury, they were usually cooked with the leek they carried. It’s like if I was constant carrying around mozzarella sticks and then they ate them over my corpse. You would think that eventually they would evolve and I don’t mean in the usual Pokemon sense, but like a normal evolution sense. Those that aren’t carrying the leek would most likely be safe.

Now, maybe you don’t get that with its evolution Sirfetch’d where that leek has been sharpened into a sword. I wonder if that hurts more getting stabbed with a leek and because of the onion’s oils. Just imagine coming at it to eat it and you get shanked by an onion.

Fare Thee Well, Dolly

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I had a much dumber post prepared for today. It’s been rescheduled because I’m legitimately upset about the death of Dolly Parton. I know that all things must come to an end and that includes people’s lives but the world is a little bit dimmer because of it. I could go on about how thinking like this is parasocial as well but I would prefer to just sit with my sadness and see what it makes me feel.

There were many things that I admired about her, the first was that she accepted in many ways that she was a bit ridiculous. She called herself an eyesore instead of a fashion icon. As someone who always grew up weird and struggled to find acceptance, seeing her just doing her own thing always made me feel a bit better.

But beyond that, there was the kindness she showed. This is one of my favorite tweets about her:

It makes me wonder how many musicians were born from her charity. We already saw that one of the greats of our generation, Lil Nas X was covering her music and she was showing support for him as well.

Here’s the performance as well. It’s incredible.

This does bring me around to how I became acquainted with Dolly in the first place. The White Stripes covered Jolene and because I was obsessed with the White Stripes I had to find out where that song came from. I had at the time, foolishly, written off Dolly Parton as a bit of a joke because I was young and edgy, read: stupid.

But then I sat down and listened to her music and realized that she like those other old school country greats, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn and Alison Krauss, their songs were so universal because they tapped into something deep inside of us. The melancholy and trouble with living. The pain of love found and rejected. That’s why I keep coming across artists from all walks of life covering Dolly because everything she says just resonates.

Losing someone is never a fun thing to go through. It’s an ending and it cuts you off from the possibilities of the future. But for those left behind, it gives us reason to examine those that have left and to learn from them. I for one will try to emulate her kindness, selflessness and charity. Her light might be gone, but we can try and light up the world in our own way.

Working Out Again

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Sometimes I can’t think of some dumb, nerdy shit to write about so I just want to give an update on something else. I’ve been trying to work out more again and this has taken the form of going on more walks as well as using my under desk pedaler more often. My legs have been feeling better, like they feel more energetic if that makes any sense. It’s like they’re constantly asking me to let them kick through something.

I’ve neglected my arms so they get much more achey these days when I have to lift or exercise them. I’m going to be working on that so that I can get them back into punching shape. Not that I want to be able to punch people but there’s nothing quite like having a bad day and then taking it out on the bag. Better than taking it out on a person, anyway.

As for my belly, I’ve started doing daily bicycle crunches and my word they hurt. I know that’s where I got most of the air in my spare tire and I also know that crunches alone aren’t going to fix it. You have to do everything so that my body will start pulling from other fat sources to power me. I added bird dogs, push ups, jumping jacks and this weird cross leg thing to my daily workouts as well. If I do nothing else, I do that.

I’ve kept up with the beet juice from a different post and that led me to a very interesting doctor’s office visit. With my newfound vegetarianism, came an unexpected side effect, intense internal gas in my stomach. I had a doctor’s appointment and told my doctor about this. She mentioned that eating healthier does lead you to have more gas. It was like having your dentist praise how well you floss. I rode that high for a few days.

She told me to stop the beet juice for a week to see if that fixed things. It did but she wanted me to continue it because of how healthy it was. It was then that I learned what the issue actually was. The night before my doctor’s appointment, I had realized I had forgotten my daily beet juice so I drank it and went to bed. That was the issue, the gas in the beet juice had nowhere to go. So it just made my tum-tum all upset. Since then I’ve been using the beet juice basically as a pre-workout drink so that I can keep it moving through my system. It’s really helped.

I haven’t seen any results because why would I? This has only been like three days. It’s like that baboon said to Bojack Horseman. “It gets easier every day. But that’s the trick, you have to do it everyday.”

Come Together Right Now and join me in mocking these set pictures

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Recently there were set pictures released of the four actors who were coming together in the Beatles cinematic universe. Because that’s a thing that we need. Four movies about one band when almost every biopic nowadays can’t get away from the shadow that is Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story. A movie that rips on every biopic trope, because there are just so many, with a joyful wink. Much like Pop Star, it was horrendously underrated and deserves to be among the annuls of Anchorman and Superbad for well know and overly quoted comedies.

I could go on about it but I wanted to bring attention to the recent set photos from the new Beatles biopic films. And these four low level drug dealers that are supposed to be the Beatles.

Look at those middle fingers and that up yours. So edgy. Exactly what I think about when I think of the Beatles

A friend of mine pointed out that they look like they’re all on Undercover Boss with how terrible their wigs are. Like John is going to show up in the canteen at Abby Road to find out what Ringo thinks about him.

“Did you hear that John made a really good forty-five minute film of his flaccid penis?”

And Ringo is just staring at him.

Anyway, that’s what they look like. So, to quote Jason Bateman from American Psycho: Let’s look at Walk Hard’s Beatles.

And there we have the difference. Despite looking like a bunch of dealers who have definitely laced my weed with meth as a joke, the four Dewey Cox Beatles still look nice and like they would be willing to help an old lady across the street without robbing her.

The BCU John Lennon looks particularly bad. The beard doesn’t have the same well maintained nature that Lennon’s did a that time. Actually I looked back at it and the Ringo is off. He looks like a regular Ringo that melted because of a magnifying glass. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that the men portraying them are ugly. It’s just the wigs and hair is just… bad.

I don’t know, this isn’t going to get me in the seat for it. I think I’ll hold out for the Smiths cinematic universe where we get a five minute montage of Morrissey cancelling shows over nothing and then getting disappointingly into far right politics.

No More Long Days

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We held to something that we shouldn’t have but we kept it going for as long as we could. You told me, once, that you were so tired of the way your heart made you speak without thinking. I told you that that was the way we fell in love. But letting ourselves be free and being open. You said that maybe it wasn’t worth it.

You reminded me how long the days started feeling. Not just because it was summer but because you were getting tired of me, tired of your job, tired of everything! You decided to put it all behind you. To gas up that old car of yours and make for the west.

You sent me a letter the other day. You told me that you had gotten rid of your smart phone. Bought a burner and were living your life the way you wanted. There was a photograph and you were smiling in front of a little shop. No more long days was the message on the back.