This is the Summer of Our Dumb Fun Sequel Ideas

Leave a reply

A slew of trailers have been released to showcase the exceptional dumb sequel ideas that are coming through. And I’m here for it. Now when I say that they’re dumb ideas, that isn’t to call them out. I love something that is dumb fun. So, let’s go through them.

M3GAN 2.0

This is probably the one I’m most excited for. I thought that the first one was so much fun and I really enjoyed the PG-13 version. It didn’t need to be R. The concept we’re dealing with on this one is that after M3gan getting killed by Gemma in the first movie, M3gan is on a kind of parole. They find out that someone made a new robot off of Gemma’s design and it’s coming to kill Cady and Gemma. M3gan demands a new, taller body so that she can bring the noise to this robot and protect Cady.

It looks like they switched it up in the same way they did between Terminator and T2: Judgement Day. Going from straight up horror to action/horror. You have shots of M3gan in a goddamn wingsuit. It’s looks so fun.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2

This looks to be more of the same from the first one. Josh Hutcherson fighting Freddy Fazbear and the rest of the robots. Apparently they can still sneak around throughout the world despite being giant robots. Once again trying to save a small girl from robots. Starting to sense a theme. This is the one I’m least excited for but I’ll probably see it for the podcast.

Jurassic World Rebirth

This is the Jurassic Park movie I’ve been waiting for since the Lost World. A bunch of people have to go to the original islands to get DNA from three different eggs. That’s a straight up video game plotline. If this was a video game though Scarlett would be climbing up towers to open up parts of the map. I love dinosaurs. I love the fact that they went there with hybrid dinosaurs and then they’re like you thought that that indomitus rex was bad, get ready for an even scarier looking dinosaur. The D Rex! I can’t wait for them to get through the other 23 letters.

You might have thought that I would have ended that sentence with the words as they run it into the ground.

NOPE!

They can make Jurassic Park movies until the heat death of the universe. I love these movies so much. I love dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs wrecking shit. There’s not a bad dinosaur at all.

Ankylosaur

Hell yeah!

T-Rex!

Amazing!

Oh, they were actually covered in feathers?

They use them little wings to flap around their prey so that they can puncture them with their foot claws and then bite them. Badass as fuck.

Dinosaurs kick ass no matter how old you are.

So, yeah, looks like a good cinema summer.

Game Changer and Taskmaster: The Joy of Play

Leave a reply

There are a great number of game shows that exist in the world that I would not want to be on. Jeopardy and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? are two where I don’t need to embarrass myself on a national level. I have a podcast for that. Wheel of Fortune, that’s a solid maybe.

Game Changer is a definitive no. Sam Reich, son of former labor secretary and current administration shit talker, Robert Reich, puts his comedians through their paces and through challenges that border on psychological torture. Don’t believe me? Watch any of the Sam Says episodes.

The face of a man who put his dad’s penis on his game show

The whole point of Game Changer is that the contestants don’t know the rules. They have to figure out what the game is as they go along. The first episode shows the three contestants dealing with a lie detector being asked questions about themselves. It turns out it’s their three partners off camera operating it. Another episode has them answering simple questions but they have to find a working to buzz in. They acquire these by doing things such as throwing balls at a buzzer on a wall, calling a pizza place to deliver one or find the book one is hidden inside.

There’s a similar show to this that has set rules from the U.K called, Taskmaster. The setup is simple Greg Davies and his assistant, little Alex Horne(6’2) challenge five comedians over ten weeks to a series of challenges. These range from doing such things as not doing the thing, getting five grapes out of a mountain of flour while wearing flippers and spilling as little flour as possible, trying to figure out what bin Alex Horne is hidden in and a number of other ones. You can find all the episodes on YouTube. Any season is well worth a watch.

I’m not the first person to point out the similarities between these shows. It’s the reason that when people talk about an American version of Taskmaster, they want Sam Reich and Dropout in charge of it. But the main one for me, is the endless playfulness of both shows.

Game Changer can sometimes have some great prizes, such as trips or money but usually the prize is another joke for the audience and contestants. The buzzer episode’s prize was a bug zapper. Those that win Taskmaster get this haunting faux golden bust of Greg Davies.

See you in my nightmares, gold head.

Because of that the contestants are just trying their best to have fun and enjoy themselves. Laughter ratios competence on a scale of 5:1. This is why you hire professionals rather than any person off the street. This brings something else to the table, camaraderie. On Game Changer especially, the groups have been working together for years. Now their personalities take center stage. A lot has been made of annoying and trying to trigger the higher competitive and competent Brennan Lee Mulligan.

I know that you can’t take everything at face value. I know they’re doing it for profit. But the joyfulness is just such a thing that you can’t help but feel it.

I think it speaks to how important it is to keep playing. To keep yourself going and having fun. Not just in a you never know when your day will be your last but it’s good for your heart.

I think it’s good for the soul to do something, that you find funny. Not for anyone else and nothing that would hurt or inconvenience anyone else but just because you think it’s funny. Make up a funny voice that’s only for you plants. Give your cats nicknames that are longer than the introduction of the king of Westeros.

Find people that you love and engage them in play. It could be anything and you would find yourself freed in a way that you don’t know how.

I do this every Thursday night with my friends around the table during DND. For all those that thought it was satanic in the 70s and such, well it’s made of three things: improv, funny voices and maths. I think in the last few years those nights are the ones where I have laughed the longest and hardest. Being in the middle of a big bad’s speech when someone makes a fart noise.

When my father passed away on a Sunday I was left with four long days to grieve. When we got to the virtual table that Thursday, I told the group I didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want anyone asking how I felt, I just wanted to play.

And for the first time in those 96 hours, I felt free. I felt light again. The pain was lost in stupid jokes and stories.

We dismiss play because we only think of it as something for children and children waste time because they’re allowed to waste time. The fact of the matter is that play is good no matter the age. It’s not a waste of time because if it gives you all the joy that it’s meant to, isn’t that worth it in the end?

Oh and one final note, I want to love the inclusion of both shows. They don’t discriminate by age, sex, race or sexuality. It furthers the joy of the show.

Is There a New Oddjob?

Leave a reply

For those that don’t know, Oddjob was a character in Goldeneye the video game that no one wanted their opponents to play because you would constantly shoot over him.

They’ve recently announced though that Sabrina Carpenter is coming to Fortnite and wow we sure have come a long way from the polygonal nightmares above.

So considering, she’s five feet flat, I think it’s time for her to get a smaller hitbox and be harder to hit. Her whole thing is being smol.

I won’t be playing because I didn’t get on the ground floor of Fortnite and the whole thing feels so confusing to me.

Oh my God, I’ve turned into Grandpa Simpson.

Sean Bean was at his best as Boromir

Leave a reply

Okay, so I know that everyone is at their best during the Lord of the Rings movies. The visual effects artists, writers, directors, actors, extras, costume and prop designers, everyone. Especially that person that made the one orc that looked like Harvey Weinstein that disgusting pervert.

It’s like I’m seeing double!

But my favorite performance in the first movie is Sean Bean as Boromir. He slays through the whole movie. He sells you on his desperation and though there isn’t a huge amount of dialogue for all the characters, he shows you his entire backstory in what few lines he has.

He’s a man, tired of so many things. He has to fight against Mordor constantly and he gets no help and pushed aside even here among his friends. Suddenly, he sees a treasure that he has heard tales about that could make his life so much easier. Anyone would take it. The fact that he made it as far as he did was a thing of wonder.

Even beyond that, there’s just so much to like. He spars with Merry and Pippin and is concerned when he might have hurt them, he puts a comforting hand on Gimli’s shoulder when Gimli finds his relative dead and has to inform Gandalf that continuing over the mountain will kill the hobbits. When Gandalf is gone, he comforts Frodo and asks that they have a moment to grieve. He treats them a bit like children because maybe that’s how he sees them. It makes you wish he had some of his own…

It’s not just in these moments of kindness that Sean Bean shines. There’s a moment when they’re defending the Mines of Moria where he goes to look out the doors when they hear the orcs approaching. He reports back to the others that they have a cave troll. But he does it in a tone that’s almost like “They have a cave troll, fits perfectly in my week, I tell ya.”

When he gives into the ring’s corruption, it’s not even evil or megalomaniacal. He’s desperate. He immediately regrets it and does his best to save Merry and Pippin. Several arrows thud into him and he dies with his king, Aragorn.

It’s easy to see how this got him Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. They’re similar roles and characters though I think that Boromir is a bit better person.

This is how you write a sympathetic character. This is how you write a betrayal that hurts. You weep for Boromir. You wish he could see home again. To lie among his people. But he won’t. One final heartbreak for a hero.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller Spoiler Review

Leave a reply

So, I want to talk about how good this book is and to do that, I’m going to spoil some things. To that end, if you want to read this book, stop reading here and go read it. It’s a great read, I couldn’t get enough of it. Check it out.

Alessandra is a straight up piece of shit and I love her for it. She is self-absorbed, conniving and power hungry. She’s also highly intelligent and charming. She’s been overlooked by her sister and now she wants to step into her own. She has a plan to do this by marrying, fucking and killing the current leader of the world, the Shadow King. Step one of the plan is scamming a bunch of idiots into giving her money and jewels. She uses that to fund her trip and we’re off to the races.

The thing is with this book, is that neither lead are good people. In fact, they’re both monsters that occasionally do nice things for each other. I think that this is great and such a refreshing take on one of these kinds of novels.

Alessandra helps him hunt down and kill the local Robin Hood. Every time the king is displeased some of his servants die. This is against the backdrop of him conquering the world. There’s never a point these two ever get better.

I once had a conversation about Roy from Full Metal Alchemist that my friend didn’t like that he was so charming despite committing so many war crimes. My other friend countered that that was the point. He came back from the war and put his uniform on and makes you forget. That’s what real monsters do.

Alessandra and Kallias do the same thing, they make you forget they’re terrible by being nice… to one another. Everyone else to them is disposable.

Yet, I couldn’t stop reading. The writing was so excellent, each twist drew me further into the book. It was phenomenal.

The only minor complaint I can have is that it felt like Alessandra got out of certain trouble a bit too easily. It kind of reminded me of Josh Hartnett’s character in the movie Trap(2024). When that happened it didn’t make me think that she was that smart or resourceful. But there are other moments where her intelligence does shine through. So, maybe it evens out.

This whole book reminded me of the tone of Creep by Lygia Day Penaflor. Where the narrator helps draw you in with what’s going on and you start understanding, accepting and somewhat even encouraging the terrible things the narrator’s doing until you shake your head and remember no this is bad. It’s good for us to have books like this where terrible behavior isn’t excused. The author just presents it and you get to make your own choice.

In short, highly recommend. Five stars, 10/10, check it out.

Naming Kids

Leave a reply

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about children’s names. Neither of us have kids, I say that as a disclaimer to what I’m about to talk about.

I brought up an idea proposed by Zac Oyama on Gamechanger(clip below):

If you don’t want to watch the clip, Zac points out that one day he’s going to be an old man named Zac. Someone else laughs and says yeah like “grandpa Braden”.

We started talking about how people name their kids after the thing they’re into at the time. Some people naming their children Daenarys or Khaleesi, which the latter is a title not a name. The thing about those characters is that the books aren’t done yet. There are multiple people who named their kid Arya, which makes sense because it’s a pretty name. But naming someone after that character is a chance. You don’t know that she’s not going to be murdered horribly in the books. I guess the show kind of clutches it out with her just being a psychopathic assassin.

How do you even make a nickname out of Khaleesi? Khalee pronounced Kah-Lee?

I always wonder what the conversations are going to be like when these children get older.

“So, you were really into Yu-Gi-Oh, eh dad?”

“I don’t need to take this disrespect Kaiba Blue Eyes White Dragon Smith.”

“I’m never going to get a job.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“He’s not even a good duelist!”

“He has style that counts for a lot.”

Because I’ve heard that from hiring managers that if they see someone’s resume with one of these fun names they get launched right into the trash.

I think we need to initiate a new rule called the Captain Kirk Naming Rule. Kirk’s full name is James Tiberius Kirk. The middle is where you put the fun name. It’s unfortunate that the world isn’t ready for fun names just like they’re afraid of face tattoos.

But think of this Eleanor Megatron Smith. Chuck Chicken Wings and Beer Gooddall. All perfectly good names and you can just hide your weirdness there.

Which Adam Sandler is the Worst?

Leave a reply

For some reason, I got on an Adam Sandler kick this weekend and it got me thinking about his characters in the golden age of his movies. Now, I want to say his nineties comedies are classics in and of themselves. But how are their characters? Where does Billy Madison stand on the moral hierarchy? Well, no one asked and I’m going to figure that out.

Billy Madison

Born rich, privileged and listless. Immediately that are huge points against him. Batman was born rich and privileged and he’s saved the world multiple times. Even if he didn’t want to put on a costume and fight injustice, he could have done something. Least of all get an education. Plus, he was generally an asshole before he got some learning in him.

So, I’m going to say that he’s a scumbag.

Happy Gilmore

Okay, Happy is an interesting case. Of the Adam Sandlers on this list, he’s probably the most morally grey. He was a working man trying to chase a dream. He found out that he had an affinity for a different sport that he didn’t like and gave that up to help his grandmother. That sacrifice means a lot.

Still, he had an anger problem. Anger can be good, it can drive you forward to make changes in your life and the world for the better. It can also be a destructive force that harms people. Happy when he’s Angry Gilmore often lashes out at people such as Bob Barker and the clown at the mini golf course.

“He lead to Chubs’ death!” I hear you cry. That was an accident. Pure and simple. Nobody said that Happy was a perfect guy. I certainly didn’t.

While his anger can be destructive, I fully advocate for him throwing Ben Stiller out of that window. Anyone who abuses the elderly deserves far worst than that.

Mr. Deeds

He really just came up with characters and then built a whole movie around them in the 90s, didn’t he?

Mr. Deeds is a pure soul. Humble working man that was elevated to the height of luxury and didn’t let it change him. Oh, he has servants now? You bet your ass he’s going to be nice and joke around with them.

Are some of his morals a little outdated? Sure, I think he made a bigger deal about cursing in front of ladies than might need to be and it led to a sequence where we’re making fun of child abuse but his heart was in the right place.

But then he also helped protect Winona Ryder from a potential mugger. He gave up that money just as easily. He’s a kind and generous person. Good for him.

Big Daddy

Sonny Koufax straight up sucks. I mean, it could be said that he took in a child that no one cared about.

A brief tangent about how fucked the life of the child is in this movie. His dying mother sends him to go find his father that he doesn’t. Someone puts this child on a train or plane to NYC. Maybe there was someone that was supposed to lead him the rest of the way to his father. I don’t know because the teenager that drops him off at the apartment is just like “I don’t know someone paid me to drop him here.” Then without asking for any identification or anything, Sonny claims the child as his own. Way to go fictional child services.

(I know that actual child service workers work very hard to do their best for their charges. I’m calling out the worker in this movie. God bless those who do that work.)

Anyway, Sonny. Sonny is irresponsible, terrible at his job and raises the child at first with the care someone would a feral dog. The child is violent, disgusting and probably has lice at a certain point in the film.

But you might think that that’s the worst thing he’s done. Oh, no, no. The worst thing is that he made the child believe that he was his father. Not biological but still a father figure. When Jon Stewart, suddenly reappears, the boy has to realize that he has to go to a man that didn’t want him or believed that he was his father in the first place.

I can forgive the shitty things that Billy Madison did and most of the things that Sonny did in his personal life. However, when you bring a child into the equation, the only thing that should be done are things to ensure the care and happiness of said child.

Too bad no one gave a shit about him.

Are puzzle games the same as rogue-lites?

1 Reply

Over the weekend, I bought and played Balatro. For those that don’t know, Balatro is a rogue-lite where you play different poker hands to gain chips and get a total in a set number of moves. Different jokers can be combined to increase your chips and help you win.

A rogue-lite for those who further don’t know, is a game where you don’t get to keep your progress after you die or fail in your task. Usually, your run can be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour depending on the luck of the draw.

Balatro

It is addictive to say the least. I put in 11 hours before I knew what had happened. It got me thinking though that maybe the original puzzle games are rogue-lites in and of themselves. Games like Dr. Mario, Tetris Attack, Bust A Move and regular old Tetris. You have a run and you have to rely on skill and luck to see how far you’re going to go.

There is a delicate balance between those two that you have to maintain. Playing Balatro made me retroactively not like another rogue-lite, Slay the Spire, which has you climbing a tower while playing various cards to fight monsters.

Slay the Spire

I put way more hours into Slay the Spire over the years than I did Balatro. And yet, I never beat it. Maybe I was playing it wrong but I just didn’t even get close except for a handful of times. When I did though my character was so out of his depth and was easily defeated. I think that’s the point and it could definitely be a skill issue but I still think Balatro has it beat on ease of use. When I lost in Balatro, I would think that I had definitely made some errors here and there. When I lost in Slay the Spire I would feel like the game had decided it had enough of my shit and slammed me to the ground for my hubris.

It could just be me but I do feel like Slay the Spire could be a bit more forgiving. But then maybe that’s the whole point much the increasingly difficult Soulsborne games. I’m terrible at those as well.

Okay, so maybe it is me. But the fact of the matter, is that I keep coming back to games like Dr. Mario, Bust a Move and Tetris because they give me the feeling that I’m somewhat in control. Maybe I won’t get the pill, bubble or tetrad that I’m looking for but I’ll at least feel like I’ve accomplished something.

The worst thing that anything can do is make you feel like you’ve wasted your time. Whether it be a movie, book, TV show or video game. Do I feel like I’ve wasted my time playing Slay the Spire? No, I don’t. I never wasn’t having fun with the game. I just, I don’t think I’m going to pick it up anytime soon.

Admittedly, Balatro lost its attraction when I won the run. Hunh, maybe that’s why Slay the Spire is so hard. So that I’ll keep coming at it like Don Quixote at his windmill.

Every Woman is a History Book

Leave a reply

Every woman is a history book 

Detailing a lifetime of hardship 

Footnotes of little slights and dismissals

Whole chapters on attacks and pain 

Illustrations of wiping away tears 

Putting on a brave face 

And getting on with it 

Because there is no other choice

Sometimes their history is a shared one 

An oral history of similar acts 

Strategies to get through it all

To rise above and keep going

A tribe that looks to its borders 

With distrust and anger 

Knowing their own history 

And looking to change it 

Why Cats are Funnier Than Dogs

Leave a reply

In the backstory for the murderous foe of the Simpsons, Sideshow Bob, who was Krusty the Clown’s sidekick for many years, we see that his brother Cecil tried out for it instead. Cecil appeared in full clown makeup while Bob wore a dapper suit. When it came to the pie test, Cecil got hit with it and it wasn’t funny. Krusty reprimands him and says “The pie gag’s only funny if the sap’s got dignity.”

And that’s why cats are so much funnier than dogs.

Now, let me remind you that I have nothing against dogs. I think they’re proud and noble creatures that have served humanity for hundreds of years and no amount of praise, treats or belly rubs can be leveled at that them to ever thank them enough for the work they do in being our trusted companions.

But that doesn’t equate funniness. They are funny in their own way but cats I think take it way further. So here’s a short list of the reasons I think cats are funny.

  1. They just roll with the punches. Cats will get themselves stuck somewhere and just chill for the most part. Their ability to fit anywhere they can get their head through leads to them in all kinds of situations.

2. They look really funny in hats. This is self explanatory.

3. Cats’ reactions to things. Cats are overly dramatic and I love that for them. They will launch themselves off of something or go buck wild over the mildest thing.

4. They are expressive beyond belief. Sure they don’t probably know about the emotions that we’re applying to these expressions but they’re all funny. Whether they be angry:

Shocked:

Or just reinstating the clear relationship boundary lines:

I have a great love for all animals but cats will always be my favorite having grown up with them and learned their eccentricities and personalities. Soon, I will have my own cat, that is owned solely by me just like I have this apartment. I will regale you with tales of that cat and his insanity.

Well, anyway, thank you for joining me on this somewhat redundant post reminding the internet that cats are funny.