My buddy Donnie and I have been recording episodes of our podcast I Hope I Can Make It Through for some time. For those that don’t know, it focuses on the show Degrassi the Next Generation, which focuses on the kids from the earlier Degrassi iterations. If you look at it a certain way, the whole series is about Emma Nelson. Her mom, Spike, was a teen mom in the first series and we see her grow up in the Next Generation.
And that’s what brings me to one of my favorite moments. It comes from the episode, Coming of Age. You see, Emma Nelson is an opinionated environmentalist and activist. Her friend, Manny Santos, who deserves far better than she ever got, just kind of wants to have fun and chase boys.
In this episode, Emma starts experiencing mood swings and doesn’t understand what’s happening to her. At one moment, she finds herself sitting on a bench. She gets up to go to class and Manny yanks her back down. Emma has started her period for the first time and it’s stained her white skirt. They walk awkwardly to the restroom, Manny trailing behind her, holding a magazine against the back of her skirt.
They don’t have any spare clothes so Manny goes looking for her. Emma hears someone enter and it’s the queen bee, Paige. When Emma tells her it’s her first time, Paige’s tune changes immediately. She says that she has a spare pad and offers it to her. They discuss growing up and Emma laments no longer being a kid. Emma worries about becoming Paige and with a characteristic bit of wit Paige responds:
Paige: Please, you wish.
Manny returns with a giant pair of gym shorts. They go to class to give a book report in front of the room. Manny desperately holding up the giant pair of shorts. Two boys, Toby and JT who would get better when they get older joke that Emma might have wet her pants. Emma snaps back that she got her period for the first time and it’s perfectly natural. They proceed to give their book report.
I love these two scenes. Girl friendships! Girls supporting girls! Awkward high schoolers. It has everything. For me, that’s when this show really shines. Manny and Emma don’t interact as much as they get phased out for the next group of characters. However, I’ll always remember this as the peak.
For the most part, it’s only been used for Neo-Tokyo from Akira. It’s such a cool prefix to depict a city that has been through something and is now firmly in the future. Unfortunately for Akira’s Tokyo, it had to go through a terrible event.
Same as Neon Genesis Evangelion where Tokyo is now Tokyo-3. Still cool but not as cool as Neo-Tokyo. Now, what are we going to do etymology-wise with the various cities in America, which are already new versions of English cities and towns. Let’s run through a few and see how we feel.
Neo-Boston- I feel like this is a good start. It does make me think of people screaming about the Sox but they’re wearing like Geordi LaForge glasses. Would Boston make a good spaceport? I think so.
Neo New York City- That’s just ungainly. I think it would be best if it was Neo-York City. Actually, typing that out that I’m not so sure about that. Then it feels like it’s giving all the joy to York and ignoring the whole part of New York City. NNYC. Okay, reneging on what I said before, I think that Neo New York City is the way to go.
Neo Intercourse- Yes, yes, yes. This is the way to go. So, for those who love map based humor, knows that there is a town in Pennsylvania called Intercourse. Renaming it Neo Intercourse gives it the idea of future love sex. Let me touch you with my cybernetic arm. Then we’ll plug into the net with our VR headsets and engage in a roundtable about funk music.
Neo-Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch- Okay, this one is a no brainer. We need to find a way to make this town’s name even more confounding and long. Really put the following gentleman through his paces.
Neo London- This is also a home run like Boston. It feels like all the bleak futurism of London comics is coming starkly through with this name. There would definitely be zeppelins.
I’m going to revisit what the future versions of cities would be like but how do we arrive? In the altered words of David Byrne, how do I get there? Well, I think we need to move away from a pessimistic outlook that leads to Neo-places.
I think when a city becomes utopian and producing renewable energy that’s the badge of honor they get. Greenways, windmills and solar panels.
Join me soon in Neo-Silent Hill! Where Pyramid Head has a hoverboard and iPhone.
I’ve always had terrible handwriting. Even now as an adult, nothing has really changed. I write down the magic items in my DND campaign and half the time have to read it for my players.
When I was younger, they gave me extra writing homework to try and improve my handwriting. It never worked. No matter how many sentences I wrote. Cursive? Forget it. The only cursive I could handle was the loud band that sang about terrible relationships.
I had a thought today about why my handwriting was so terrible. I think it’s because I get really excited whenever I get the chance to do it. It’s the same reason that my typing is so full of typos. I’m kind of like those dogs that sprain their tails from wagging them too hard.
I thought about practicing it more but outside of the working world and my DND players, no one else reads my handwriting but me. Anything I do creatively I do in a word processor. I keep a diary so it’s a good way to make sure that no one reads that either. I think that was an episode of Doug.
When I have to write a love letter again, I’ll make sure to take my time.
So, you’re an adventurer that’s setting out from your most likely recently burned down village. Maybe you got exiled. Who knows. You’re going to encounter monsters on the road. What they’re going to be varies from game to game but for the most part you’re going to easily be able to strike them down.
Despite this, they serve an important role. They’re there to show you how to fight and how the mechanics work. They’re the unsung heroes of the RPG world. So, I want to take some time to highlight some of my favorites.
The Rabite from Secret of Mana
WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT THESE THINGS? They’re not going to be the only cute thing that I have to kill on this list but they’re extra cute the way they hop around. They will do a little tackle on you but who can blame them? They just want to be your friend. Still, I done smacked them down. They usually left behind candy. Just great little friends.
2. Rattatas and Pidgeys- Pokemon Red/Blue/Green and FireRed/LeafGreen
It’s luck of the draw, depending on which one of these that you get when you first leave Pallet Town. But both of them are wonderful to run into, because unlike a lot of the other monsters on this list, these are waiting to be your friends. Usually, my first Pidgey becomes my main form of transportation as I fly across the map. Meanwhile, Rattata became a Raticate and his hyper fang carried me through a good portion of the game.
They were also the first two Pokemon I ever caught in my entire Pokemon career. And you never forget your first.
3. Slimes From Breath of Fire
A normal ass slime that has no features. He’s just kind of there to get hit and disappear. Later in the game you encounter gold slimes who give you plentiful amounts of experience and money. No bells and whistles to it. So, why would I even put this on the list? To showcase the next entry.
4. Slime From Dragon Quest
I have killed a lot of these little guys and I hate it every time. Look at that face! He’s just here to be a little guy. It just has so much personality. It makes sense that this little guy became the face of the franchise. So cute. Love you, slime! Thank you for all your hard work.
Now the question is, whose cuter? This slime or the rabite? I can’t choose. You can’t make me!
(It was then that the author ran from his room and into the middle distance to start a new life)
5. Spiteful Crow from Earthbound
Look at this dude. So, cool. Those shades and that bow tie make this little guy stand out. They attack by pecking at your eyes, which to be fair is a spiteful move. However they also throw you a cookie when you return them to normal. That can make a big difference when you have lower HP levels. Maybe they’re not that spiteful, just a little bit spiteful.
6. Lying Hablerie from Persona 4 and Persona 4 Golden
There’s not enough space on this blog to point out how weird the Shin Megami Tensei/Persona games are. But Frank, you might say, there’s infinite amounts of space on the internet.
Exactly.
These things fly up and lick your handsome chad face. Still Izanagi dispatches them easily.
As a lover of history, I’ve always thought about the fact that I will never be featured in any history books or accounts. No one will write down my actions as important or memorable. What’s to be said about Franklin Cota on this day in history?
“Historians believed that he ate a lot of Cool Ranch Doritos and took a long nap. He did not brush the crumbs off himself before he fell asleep. He woke up and ate the crumbs and fell back asleep. He didn’t like himself after the nap.”
People from the past who were unable to get basic spices would say that I lived like a king! Napping and eating full bags of Christmas color flecked corn chips. People from the nearer past would say that I’m a gluttonous loser who ate a whole bag of chips in one sitting and fell asleep. They’re both right!
Still, for all the embarrassing I’ve done, am doing and will do, I will be blessedly forgotten. I will not be remembered as Nanni, the ancient Karen who is the first person in known history to issue a written customer complaint from 1750BCE.
But was he a Karen? Reading through the complaint, it seems that he had legitimate gripes with copper merchant Ea-Nasir. Who seems to have not delivered his copper ingots despite receiving payments and also was rude to his servant! Every good boss I’ve ever had has gone to bat for me. Nanni understands the plight of the workers underneath him.
And what he wants is pretty reasonable. He wants other his fine quality copper or his money back. He’s not demanding anyone get arrested or anything like that. He just wants Ea-Nasir to fulfill his end of the bargain.
Maybe there’s something to be said about that. He ended up in the history books because he was the first at something. It wasn’t something that we like but how would we have known about Nanni otherwise?
If you want to learn more about Nanni and Ea-Nasir’s feud, you can find it at the source of this post:
When I walk amongst the shelves of the library it’s like I’m the pretty girl walking into the bar. All eyes are on me. Each book telling me to pick them. Asking to come home with me.
I pick out a few each time, usually returning the others. I have a two week stand with one. I can’t get it out of my head. I want to understand every inch of it. Explore it from end to end.
You never know when you’re going to fall in love. You never know what a book is going to do to you. There are ones that I barely remember. Lovers that didn’t register. But then there are others. Ones that stick with me. Stay on my skin. I can still recall them to this day.
I hold them in my memories. A warm, pleasant thing for cold, lonely days. I don’t know if I’ll ever love a book the way I love that one. I don’t know if it’ll ever come back around to it.
But like others, I’m going to keep trying. I’ll kiss a thousand frogs to find another prince. Because unlike humans, books don’t let you down in the same way. They at least take you on a little trip first. Instead of just leaving you alone in your bed and don’t call you back.
Okay, so things have happened in your life that you now own a transit van. It has no windows in the backends because people aren’t supposed to be there. There might be people back there because you’re going to a gig you’re roadie-ing or you need to get them across state lines or just because you’re moving house. Anyway, the back is going to be unimpressive unless you expect some action back there.
A friend once told me upon seeing one of the American Ninja Warriors that lived in a van, that she was past that part of her life to hook up with someone in the back of their van. Another friend said she wasn’t. So, you’re going to have a 50-50 chance if people are ready to rock back there. If you’re attracted to men, you don’t have to worry because if real life and horror movies have taught me in anything, men will walk into a bathtub of used syringes if it means that they can get some action.
Anyway, I’m getting away from the subject at hand. You own a transit van. You need something on the side of it. It’s going to showcase that you listen to some form of heavy metal. Well, here’s my advice for your custom van based on what I would do.
Shirtless Barbarian/Female Barbarian in a Fur Bikini
A classic of the genre. You’re going to have a dude who seems vaguely viking in attire except for his completely impractical attire. Why wouldn’t he wear some form of armor? Because he’s too fucking hardcore and too good at fighting. That’s why he doesn’t need any armor. What is he a wuss? A NERD?!
Anyway, he’s going to be holding a sword aloft. Lightning may or may not be striking the sword depending on how magical he is. Dealer’s choice on that one.
He may have a pretty lady, bikini clad, tugging on his leg. But you might have noticed I gave you an option of either/or. Bikini or shirtless barbarians. That’s where we’re going get ’em. Hit ’em with something they didn’t expect. Bikini barbarian holding a sword aloft and shirtless buff viking holding onto her leg. Put the dude in a bikini. Fuck it. Go nuts. Life is too short.
2. Giant Cobra
This cobra is going to be showing off. Full fangs. Full hood. He’s going to be some sick ass colors like purple and black. There may be lightning behind him. It’s what you’re willing to put up. But yeah, no fuss, no muss. Just a massive cobra looking cool as hell.
3. Wizard
The longest white beard, the robes of the darkest blue and shooting lightning from his hands. You might have noticed through this list, that I’ve mentioned lightning so many times. Why not fire? Why not wind? Because we’re not going to make the guy with the spray nozzle work hard. We’re going to have him make some crackling lines and that’s it.
4. Unicorns
That ‘s’ isn’t a typo. We’re going to have two unicorns. They’re going to be facing each other. They’re going to be crossing horns as if they’re in battle or love. You decide. Their coloring is going to be the purest white. There’s going to be a lens flare at the end of each horn. Whose going to be on each unicorn? Well….
5. A Knight Playing an Electric Guitar
The knight is going to be in full armor. Unlike the barbarians, we’re not going to see a single shred of skin. He is going to be absolutely shredding on a flying V guitar. The coolest looking most uncomfortable guitar to play. Can’t play it sitting down. There’s going to a half cloak over his shoulder. It’s going to be sick as fuck.
6. Words
Let’s throw on a catchphrase.
“Man with a van and NO PLAN”
“Comes to pick you up whenever you call one of those for a good time call numbers on a bathroom stall”
“This van is gender inclusive but we gonna make out”
“Ass, gas or grass? More like class, class or class. You’re going to either teach me something, play DND with me or have a fancy tea party”
“This van ramps over everything”
7. Red Tailed Hawk
Okay, I know you might saying, Frank, you’re a patriot. You love your country. Why wouldn’t you throw on a bald eagle? Well, because as much as I love my country, I love Animorphs more. So, we’re going to represent the eyes in the sky, Tobias. God, that name is so cool.
How many eyes of enemies have bald eagles ripped out to save the world? I can’t think of that many. Tobias has blinded so many people to make sure that they didn’t have to kill any humans but they still incapacitated them in some way.
Tobias is one of the greatest heroes of literature.
8. A Bald Eagle
Still not for America! The bald eagle was Rachel’s flight morph. So, even if they can’t be together in the books because Rachel died in battle, they can be together on the side of my van.
It still hurts, K.A. It still hurts. But you were right. There was no way she could come back from the war.
9. Any Alien From Animorphs
I was thinking about Animorphs like usual and then remembered how metal the designs were. First, we have the andalites.
Everything about this rules. The six pack abs. The cool scorpion tail. The elf ears. The stalk eyes. The centaur body. Fuck you actual centaurs. This is so much cooler.
The ravenous Taxxon! These things will eat anything. Including each other when they’re killed. I think that’s Rachel behind them? She doesn’t need to be on it. We just need this big bug.
Finally, the hork bajir, the walking razor blade foot soldiers of the Yeerks. And the most metal design of all of them. Look at them. They’re giant bipedal cool dinosaurs.
They also harbor the great tragedies of the war. They’re normally a gentle race that wouldn’t hurt a fly. So, why have all those blades? Because they live on a planet with massive trees and they use all those blades to harvest bark to eat. That’s right, they’re vegetarians.
And once again, the reason Tobias gets on the side of the van is because he made sure that there were free hork bajir for the first time in decades. God bless you, Tobias. The liberator.
10. Giant Clam
This might be a weird come down from the others. I just showed you so many cool aliens. So, why the humble giant clam? Because it contains multitudes. You can put in so many other things. Imagine a clam that opens up to release a bunch of fairies or just some treasure?
That’s the whole point of this is to show you that even the humblest things whether they be van or clam, can contain wonders.
My father passed away in 2020. It wasn’t from Covid but something else that I don’t really want to talk about right now. It was a strange, sad time in my life. But that’s not what this post is really about right now.
I have a new role in my friend group. For the most part, all of my friends still have both of their parents. We’re all in our late thirties and their parents are getting older. My sorrow, my loss makes them think about things though. Considering the future. Having to live through a fear that they don’t want to name.
So, they ask me questions. They ask me how did I know when certain things happened to my dad. How did I handle this or that. How am I feeling? How did you prepare?
They’re kindhearted people so they want to make sure that they can take care of the people that took care of them. Those are legitimate concerns. I told them about the things we did to prepare. To make sure that we would be ready.
But that’s not what they’re really asking. They’re really asking, “am I going to be okay when they’re gone?”. And I have to say yes. It’s going to be different. It’s going to be hard but you’re going to get through it.
You’re going to think about him daily. I do. You’re going to think about how I would love to talk to him about this. I would love to get his input on this or that. You’re going to get a job and wonder if he would be proud of you. You’re going to miss him at big events.
There’s unfortunately, no magic path that I can give you. There’s nothing that I can say to make the pain any less. The only path is through. But what has always worked for me was trying to live up to the standard that my father showed me.
I think the most telling moment in my mind for my father was this. He was an accountant and charged 100 dollars an hour. Let me put it simply, he deserved every dollar he got from his clients. He was exemplar. He had this older woman, living on a fixed income. She had been screwed over by a lazy accountant for the last three years. Each return took him about three hours to fix. He was so angry at the shitty work the guy before him had done.
Finally came the day when he called her over. He had gotten her back somewhere in the thousands in her refund. I thought that nine hours of work would at least give him a good paycheck to make up for the headache that he had been put through while working on them. I was eating dinner while they were talking at the dining room table. He was explaining how much money she was getting back and she was so excited. I waited for the hammer to fall.
He charged her fifty bucks.
When she was gone, I walked into the dining room to talk to him. I asked him why he only charged her fifty bucks. He took off his glasses, which was always a signal that he wanted to talk to me seriously and said:
“Rollo, she’s a woman alone, living off the state. Some things are more important than money.”
That alone has made me try and be fair and kind in all my dealings. He was a good man.
The one thing that I know that I don’t have to worry about and I prepared for this, was to make sure that the last thing I said to my father was “I love you”. I always knew that my parents were older and that made me want to make sure I spent more time with them. Because I knew that this day was going to come and a far harder day is coming down the line. When I will fully be an orphan. I hate thinking about that day. But it makes me be, hopefully, a better son. To make sure my mom knows I care about her.
Fortunately, my mom had my dad make videos for my sister and I of him wishing us a happy birthday. I have a video of my father telling me happy birthday and that he loves me. I’m so lucky for that. I know that it’s something that other people don’t have. To be able to hear their father’s voice.
And if you’re a parent reading this, then that’s my advice for you. To make sure that there are physical things that your children can have and hold or hear of your love. Make them videos, audio recordings or whatever so that they can hear your voice in times of trouble. That they’ll never forget what it sounds like when you say you love them.
I had to explain Pokemon to my coworker the other day. She told me that her son liked the cards but had no idea what they were beyond that. Having to explain it to someone else, made me have to consider what did I like about it in the first place.
I think the games themselves offer a fantasy that any child would love. First, you get to leave home on an exciting adventure! You’re going to travel from town to town, seeing the sights. Encountering new people and doing new things. That was what the anime was, a road movie as much as an advertisement for the games.
Secondly, kids love pets. But what’s the problem with pets? You can only have one or two. Well, Pokemon offers you the dream of having several hundred pets all at the same time. And there are so many kinds of pets. Forget your normal dog and cat. You can have a sentient pile of garbage as your pet!
Who rescued who?
Then comes the joy of just collecting things. Kids collect trading cards and bottle caps and all kinds of things. Now they have cute animals on them. And of course, the aforementioned sentient bag of trash.
There’s over a thousand of them at this point. Your kid is going to be able to find at least one that they love above all others. For me, it was the Pokemon, Lapras.
A lovely blue and looking to surf through the water
I loved dinosaurs as a kid but found real plesiosaurs to be terrifying. I think they were the ones that gave me my initial hydromegathalassaphobia, the fear of large things in the water. Most things prehistoric things made me scared of the ocean.
AHHHH!
Lapras was a nice alternative. You could ride on its back. It was gentle and kind. But the problem was that they were so few in the game. They were hunted to near extinction. But then through conservation methods, they became plentiful again.
I thought that no one could shake my love for Lapras. But then one of the new games introduced a new challenger. The one and only, little pig: Lechonk.
Look at this absolute unit.
Gotta love a little pig that’s so round. While my love for Lapras will never be shaken or replaced, this little guy comes a close second.
But this is kind of the point, isn’t it? I’m sure that someone even loves the garbage bag. With that many, every person has to have a favorite and every pokemon is someone’s favorite.
It’s always been a weird thing for me to have such affection for these silly little games. But the fact of the matter is that they have influenced me throughout my life. Part of my love of adventure and wanting to see new places comes from these games. There’s always been a lifelong want to walk across America and it definitely came from watching Ash, Misty and Brock walking something like several thousand miles.
Lord of the Rings offers the same thrill of adventure. Leaving home and doing something great and I think that Pokemon elicits the same feelings. Except instead of having the fate of the world and a big eye staring at you, you get a nice little friend.
Franklin Cota, an author and podcaster 