Sean Bean was at his best as Boromir

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Okay, so I know that everyone is at their best during the Lord of the Rings movies. The visual effects artists, writers, directors, actors, extras, costume and prop designers, everyone. Especially that person that made the one orc that looked like Harvey Weinstein that disgusting pervert.

It’s like I’m seeing double!

But my favorite performance in the first movie is Sean Bean as Boromir. He slays through the whole movie. He sells you on his desperation and though there isn’t a huge amount of dialogue for all the characters, he shows you his entire backstory in what few lines he has.

He’s a man, tired of so many things. He has to fight against Mordor constantly and he gets no help and pushed aside even here among his friends. Suddenly, he sees a treasure that he has heard tales about that could make his life so much easier. Anyone would take it. The fact that he made it as far as he did was a thing of wonder.

Even beyond that, there’s just so much to like. He spars with Merry and Pippin and is concerned when he might have hurt them, he puts a comforting hand on Gimli’s shoulder when Gimli finds his relative dead and has to inform Gandalf that continuing over the mountain will kill the hobbits. When Gandalf is gone, he comforts Frodo and asks that they have a moment to grieve. He treats them a bit like children because maybe that’s how he sees them. It makes you wish he had some of his own…

It’s not just in these moments of kindness that Sean Bean shines. There’s a moment when they’re defending the Mines of Moria where he goes to look out the doors when they hear the orcs approaching. He reports back to the others that they have a cave troll. But he does it in a tone that’s almost like “They have a cave troll, fits perfectly in my week, I tell ya.”

When he gives into the ring’s corruption, it’s not even evil or megalomaniacal. He’s desperate. He immediately regrets it and does his best to save Merry and Pippin. Several arrows thud into him and he dies with his king, Aragorn.

It’s easy to see how this got him Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. They’re similar roles and characters though I think that Boromir is a bit better person.

This is how you write a sympathetic character. This is how you write a betrayal that hurts. You weep for Boromir. You wish he could see home again. To lie among his people. But he won’t. One final heartbreak for a hero.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller Spoiler Review

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So, I want to talk about how good this book is and to do that, I’m going to spoil some things. To that end, if you want to read this book, stop reading here and go read it. It’s a great read, I couldn’t get enough of it. Check it out.

Alessandra is a straight up piece of shit and I love her for it. She is self-absorbed, conniving and power hungry. She’s also highly intelligent and charming. She’s been overlooked by her sister and now she wants to step into her own. She has a plan to do this by marrying, fucking and killing the current leader of the world, the Shadow King. Step one of the plan is scamming a bunch of idiots into giving her money and jewels. She uses that to fund her trip and we’re off to the races.

The thing is with this book, is that neither lead are good people. In fact, they’re both monsters that occasionally do nice things for each other. I think that this is great and such a refreshing take on one of these kinds of novels.

Alessandra helps him hunt down and kill the local Robin Hood. Every time the king is displeased some of his servants die. This is against the backdrop of him conquering the world. There’s never a point these two ever get better.

I once had a conversation about Roy from Full Metal Alchemist that my friend didn’t like that he was so charming despite committing so many war crimes. My other friend countered that that was the point. He came back from the war and put his uniform on and makes you forget. That’s what real monsters do.

Alessandra and Kallias do the same thing, they make you forget they’re terrible by being nice… to one another. Everyone else to them is disposable.

Yet, I couldn’t stop reading. The writing was so excellent, each twist drew me further into the book. It was phenomenal.

The only minor complaint I can have is that it felt like Alessandra got out of certain trouble a bit too easily. It kind of reminded me of Josh Hartnett’s character in the movie Trap(2024). When that happened it didn’t make me think that she was that smart or resourceful. But there are other moments where her intelligence does shine through. So, maybe it evens out.

This whole book reminded me of the tone of Creep by Lygia Day Penaflor. Where the narrator helps draw you in with what’s going on and you start understanding, accepting and somewhat even encouraging the terrible things the narrator’s doing until you shake your head and remember no this is bad. It’s good for us to have books like this where terrible behavior isn’t excused. The author just presents it and you get to make your own choice.

In short, highly recommend. Five stars, 10/10, check it out.

Naming Kids

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I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about children’s names. Neither of us have kids, I say that as a disclaimer to what I’m about to talk about.

I brought up an idea proposed by Zac Oyama on Gamechanger(clip below):

If you don’t want to watch the clip, Zac points out that one day he’s going to be an old man named Zac. Someone else laughs and says yeah like “grandpa Braden”.

We started talking about how people name their kids after the thing they’re into at the time. Some people naming their children Daenarys or Khaleesi, which the latter is a title not a name. The thing about those characters is that the books aren’t done yet. There are multiple people who named their kid Arya, which makes sense because it’s a pretty name. But naming someone after that character is a chance. You don’t know that she’s not going to be murdered horribly in the books. I guess the show kind of clutches it out with her just being a psychopathic assassin.

How do you even make a nickname out of Khaleesi? Khalee pronounced Kah-Lee?

I always wonder what the conversations are going to be like when these children get older.

“So, you were really into Yu-Gi-Oh, eh dad?”

“I don’t need to take this disrespect Kaiba Blue Eyes White Dragon Smith.”

“I’m never going to get a job.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“He’s not even a good duelist!”

“He has style that counts for a lot.”

Because I’ve heard that from hiring managers that if they see someone’s resume with one of these fun names they get launched right into the trash.

I think we need to initiate a new rule called the Captain Kirk Naming Rule. Kirk’s full name is James Tiberius Kirk. The middle is where you put the fun name. It’s unfortunate that the world isn’t ready for fun names just like they’re afraid of face tattoos.

But think of this Eleanor Megatron Smith. Chuck Chicken Wings and Beer Gooddall. All perfectly good names and you can just hide your weirdness there.

Which Adam Sandler is the Worst?

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For some reason, I got on an Adam Sandler kick this weekend and it got me thinking about his characters in the golden age of his movies. Now, I want to say his nineties comedies are classics in and of themselves. But how are their characters? Where does Billy Madison stand on the moral hierarchy? Well, no one asked and I’m going to figure that out.

Billy Madison

Born rich, privileged and listless. Immediately that are huge points against him. Batman was born rich and privileged and he’s saved the world multiple times. Even if he didn’t want to put on a costume and fight injustice, he could have done something. Least of all get an education. Plus, he was generally an asshole before he got some learning in him.

So, I’m going to say that he’s a scumbag.

Happy Gilmore

Okay, Happy is an interesting case. Of the Adam Sandlers on this list, he’s probably the most morally grey. He was a working man trying to chase a dream. He found out that he had an affinity for a different sport that he didn’t like and gave that up to help his grandmother. That sacrifice means a lot.

Still, he had an anger problem. Anger can be good, it can drive you forward to make changes in your life and the world for the better. It can also be a destructive force that harms people. Happy when he’s Angry Gilmore often lashes out at people such as Bob Barker and the clown at the mini golf course.

“He lead to Chubs’ death!” I hear you cry. That was an accident. Pure and simple. Nobody said that Happy was a perfect guy. I certainly didn’t.

While his anger can be destructive, I fully advocate for him throwing Ben Stiller out of that window. Anyone who abuses the elderly deserves far worst than that.

Mr. Deeds

He really just came up with characters and then built a whole movie around them in the 90s, didn’t he?

Mr. Deeds is a pure soul. Humble working man that was elevated to the height of luxury and didn’t let it change him. Oh, he has servants now? You bet your ass he’s going to be nice and joke around with them.

Are some of his morals a little outdated? Sure, I think he made a bigger deal about cursing in front of ladies than might need to be and it led to a sequence where we’re making fun of child abuse but his heart was in the right place.

But then he also helped protect Winona Ryder from a potential mugger. He gave up that money just as easily. He’s a kind and generous person. Good for him.

Big Daddy

Sonny Koufax straight up sucks. I mean, it could be said that he took in a child that no one cared about.

A brief tangent about how fucked the life of the child is in this movie. His dying mother sends him to go find his father that he doesn’t. Someone puts this child on a train or plane to NYC. Maybe there was someone that was supposed to lead him the rest of the way to his father. I don’t know because the teenager that drops him off at the apartment is just like “I don’t know someone paid me to drop him here.” Then without asking for any identification or anything, Sonny claims the child as his own. Way to go fictional child services.

(I know that actual child service workers work very hard to do their best for their charges. I’m calling out the worker in this movie. God bless those who do that work.)

Anyway, Sonny. Sonny is irresponsible, terrible at his job and raises the child at first with the care someone would a feral dog. The child is violent, disgusting and probably has lice at a certain point in the film.

But you might think that that’s the worst thing he’s done. Oh, no, no. The worst thing is that he made the child believe that he was his father. Not biological but still a father figure. When Jon Stewart, suddenly reappears, the boy has to realize that he has to go to a man that didn’t want him or believed that he was his father in the first place.

I can forgive the shitty things that Billy Madison did and most of the things that Sonny did in his personal life. However, when you bring a child into the equation, the only thing that should be done are things to ensure the care and happiness of said child.

Too bad no one gave a shit about him.

Are puzzle games the same as rogue-lites?

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Over the weekend, I bought and played Balatro. For those that don’t know, Balatro is a rogue-lite where you play different poker hands to gain chips and get a total in a set number of moves. Different jokers can be combined to increase your chips and help you win.

A rogue-lite for those who further don’t know, is a game where you don’t get to keep your progress after you die or fail in your task. Usually, your run can be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour depending on the luck of the draw.

Balatro

It is addictive to say the least. I put in 11 hours before I knew what had happened. It got me thinking though that maybe the original puzzle games are rogue-lites in and of themselves. Games like Dr. Mario, Tetris Attack, Bust A Move and regular old Tetris. You have a run and you have to rely on skill and luck to see how far you’re going to go.

There is a delicate balance between those two that you have to maintain. Playing Balatro made me retroactively not like another rogue-lite, Slay the Spire, which has you climbing a tower while playing various cards to fight monsters.

Slay the Spire

I put way more hours into Slay the Spire over the years than I did Balatro. And yet, I never beat it. Maybe I was playing it wrong but I just didn’t even get close except for a handful of times. When I did though my character was so out of his depth and was easily defeated. I think that’s the point and it could definitely be a skill issue but I still think Balatro has it beat on ease of use. When I lost in Balatro, I would think that I had definitely made some errors here and there. When I lost in Slay the Spire I would feel like the game had decided it had enough of my shit and slammed me to the ground for my hubris.

It could just be me but I do feel like Slay the Spire could be a bit more forgiving. But then maybe that’s the whole point much the increasingly difficult Soulsborne games. I’m terrible at those as well.

Okay, so maybe it is me. But the fact of the matter, is that I keep coming back to games like Dr. Mario, Bust a Move and Tetris because they give me the feeling that I’m somewhat in control. Maybe I won’t get the pill, bubble or tetrad that I’m looking for but I’ll at least feel like I’ve accomplished something.

The worst thing that anything can do is make you feel like you’ve wasted your time. Whether it be a movie, book, TV show or video game. Do I feel like I’ve wasted my time playing Slay the Spire? No, I don’t. I never wasn’t having fun with the game. I just, I don’t think I’m going to pick it up anytime soon.

Admittedly, Balatro lost its attraction when I won the run. Hunh, maybe that’s why Slay the Spire is so hard. So that I’ll keep coming at it like Don Quixote at his windmill.

Every Woman is a History Book

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Every woman is a history book 

Detailing a lifetime of hardship 

Footnotes of little slights and dismissals

Whole chapters on attacks and pain 

Illustrations of wiping away tears 

Putting on a brave face 

And getting on with it 

Because there is no other choice

Sometimes their history is a shared one 

An oral history of similar acts 

Strategies to get through it all

To rise above and keep going

A tribe that looks to its borders 

With distrust and anger 

Knowing their own history 

And looking to change it 

Why Cats are Funnier Than Dogs

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In the backstory for the murderous foe of the Simpsons, Sideshow Bob, who was Krusty the Clown’s sidekick for many years, we see that his brother Cecil tried out for it instead. Cecil appeared in full clown makeup while Bob wore a dapper suit. When it came to the pie test, Cecil got hit with it and it wasn’t funny. Krusty reprimands him and says “The pie gag’s only funny if the sap’s got dignity.”

And that’s why cats are so much funnier than dogs.

Now, let me remind you that I have nothing against dogs. I think they’re proud and noble creatures that have served humanity for hundreds of years and no amount of praise, treats or belly rubs can be leveled at that them to ever thank them enough for the work they do in being our trusted companions.

But that doesn’t equate funniness. They are funny in their own way but cats I think take it way further. So here’s a short list of the reasons I think cats are funny.

  1. They just roll with the punches. Cats will get themselves stuck somewhere and just chill for the most part. Their ability to fit anywhere they can get their head through leads to them in all kinds of situations.

2. They look really funny in hats. This is self explanatory.

3. Cats’ reactions to things. Cats are overly dramatic and I love that for them. They will launch themselves off of something or go buck wild over the mildest thing.

4. They are expressive beyond belief. Sure they don’t probably know about the emotions that we’re applying to these expressions but they’re all funny. Whether they be angry:

Shocked:

Or just reinstating the clear relationship boundary lines:

I have a great love for all animals but cats will always be my favorite having grown up with them and learned their eccentricities and personalities. Soon, I will have my own cat, that is owned solely by me just like I have this apartment. I will regale you with tales of that cat and his insanity.

Well, anyway, thank you for joining me on this somewhat redundant post reminding the internet that cats are funny.

Star Trek: Lower Decks – Series Review

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One of the things that I talk to my friends about is how the hell does the universe of Star Trek still exist? I don’t mean the franchise, I mean how has it not gotten destroyed by some kind of quasar or time travel problem.

Because usually in one of these series, we follow just one ship and they’re going to nearly end the universe on multiple occasions. But the Federation has perhaps thousands of ships all doing the same thing. All encountering the same problems. One of them must fail at some point to allow the universe to rip itself asunder.

That’s my little rant about Star Trek in general. I honestly have always admired the series from afar. It’s so chunky that I don’t know how to jump into it. I feel that way more and more these days. Genshin Impact and League of Legends confuse me.

Anyway, I have been pushing to watch more actual TV and not just the same youtube videos over and over again. So, I did what any reasonable person would do and made a list of twenty science fiction shows and rolled a D20. It fortunately landed on 11, which was Star Trek: Lower Decks.

I did not plan to watch all of it in two weeks but here we are. I have no regrets.

Our crew, T’Lyn, Tendi, Mariner, Rutherford and Boimler

The show concerns itself with the ensigns on the lower decks that do all the dirty work aboard a Federation starship. While the bridge crew goes to flute recitals, they’re hard at work cleaning everything up and stacking crates. They of course end up in all kinds of adventures and danger.

The series focused more on comedy than science fiction. Our main four for the first three seasons is endlessly optimistic scientist former pirate Tendi, the rebellious daughter of the captain Beckett Mariner Freeman, engineering cybernetically enhanced engineer Rutherford and finally desperate to prove himself ensign Bradward Boimler. These four carry the show for so long that when they finally bring in straightwoman Vulcan T’Lyn, it only serves to enhance the show with her deadpan delivery and reactions to everything else that’s going on.

It’s strange to find a show with no bad episodes. I can’t think of a single one that I actively disliked(okay, to be fair I skipped the second holodeck episode making fun of the new movies. I just don’t like the holodeck in general). Every character is interesting and never annoying. This can sometimes happen with multiple main characters, where you see that the episode is going to focus on X and you roll your eyes and pray for it to end.

Despite being a comedy, they manage to bring in some pretty great drama. Mariner has been around the block being impetuous and rebellious but it’s used to hide a pain that even she doesn’t want to acknowledge. Tendi and Rutherford’s backstories are really interesting. Watching Boimler’s growth into becoming the person he is at the end of the series is phenomenal. Every one of their voice actors always brings an energetic and fun performance.

It also does what a lot of newer Star Trek shows don’t do, which is show admiration for what came before without it turning it into constant self congratulating praise. When I think about the Chris Pine Star Trek movies I think about how often we had to stop in those just to admire the Enterprise. So many glory shots.

It also encompasses the joy of discovery and exploration. But that there are downsides to it like how most of the crew is brutally injured throughout the missions.

I know it’s not professional in a review to point out only the good things. But sometimes stuff is just good because it’s well made. Maybe my opinion would be different if I had seen every episode that was ever made but I have two friends who have done that and they both love this show.

Hunh, I wonder if that’s the Star Trek equivalent of “I’m not racist I have (person of color/LGBTQIA+) friends”.

Anyway, here’s Boimler going off on people who think the Federation is lame.

The Purge Movies Could Be More Interesting

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The Purge movies’ whole concept is that for one night in America all crime is legal. You can do whatever you want and in the morning everyone goes back to being normal. Because they’re horror movies, this mostly falls into the idea of murder.

I know already that’s a flawed concept in general. But let’s pretend that this thing could happen. Why does that version of America even function?

The minute the Purge night starts, you know that businesses would be pulling the most heinous insider trading scams they could. They would be dumping pollution into every single park, lake or ocean that they could find. Presidents could declare war without congressional approval! They could bomb whoever they wanted! It would be insane.

Even further than that, you could have kids drinking all kinds of alcohol and doing all kinds of drugs. Doing illegal street races throughout their towns.

I think they ought to make a story where all those things happen. I know they won’t because Hollywood is in the pocket of big businesses and is now using eco terrorists as the bad guys in a lot of action movies to make the climate change movement look bad.

In general, there are just so many more interesting stories you could tell. To that end, I don’t think that they should be straightforward horror movies anymore and instead become anthologies. Give different creators with different viewpoints a chance to tell a story in that world that they think is realistic. It could be really interesting.

Our Perfect Gentlemen

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(This is a preview of one of the stories that’s going to be in my collection of horror stories entitled A Heartbeat in the Darkness.)

It was an unfortunate thing that most people were happy about the missing child posters.  Though they would never say such a thing to the distraught parents.  They would place their hands on their arms and say it was such a tragedy and they were in their thoughts.  Meanwhile saying good riddance behind their backs at various social functions.  The one bit of sorrow was that their older daughter still wandered the streets putting up the signs.  A hopeless endeavor.  It made them sad because she was a good girl, so different than her brother.  People liked her.  Maybe if they had liked him a little bit more.  He wouldn’t have turned out this way.  

Or maybe he just needed a firmer hand than his parents had been willing to use.  At least that’s what the Pince sisters thought.  Two older women who had relaxed into a life of retirement with a nice little nest egg.  He was their current house guest.  Wasn’t he just so fine now, sitting in their living room across from them.  Serving them tea.  His smile so much better than that nasty look he had on his face at all times before.  Constantly frowning, constantly smirking and giving people the finger.  What a naughty little boy he had been.  

They had fixed it.  It had taken quite a bit of work but they had fixed it.  Just like that they had so many times in the past.  They had this down to a perfect science.  He would be their house guest for as long as they could keep him.  Not that anyone ever left by choice.

Night came and so the two sisters retired up to bed.  Leaving him downstairs by himself.  One of them gave a quick flick to the machinery on the wall.  It spun and the resulting slackening was near instantaneous.  

The young man’s arms fell to his sides, his mouth finally fell away from the rictus smile that it had been forced into throughout the day.  It was hard to decide which was the worse pain.  The ones in his arms, mouth or in his cut achilles tendons.  The rings that had been sewn into his skin and then laced with fine piano wires ached.  He was made uncomfortable by the IVs that fed him as there was no longer any use for his super glued together teeth.  

He sat like a doll that had been left in the corner.  His body limp and useless.  There was no escape.  No way to get out of here.  He remembered the day that he had broken in here.  Looking for something of value to steal and sell.  How he hadn’t heard the one sister behind him before she struck him with the encyclopedia.  Knocking him unconscious.  Where had she gotten that strength?  

He had woken up this way.  Covered in the rings.  His jaw clamped together.  They had kept him like a toy ever since.  That had been months ago.  He assumed that they had killed their husbands.  Were living off the life insurance policies.  How else could they have afforded this?  

He slept fitfully this night and every night.  His body wrapped up in its various pains and discomforts.  The next morning, he rose with the sun in his eyes.  But the women weren’t there.  He couldn’t hear them.  The day passed.  The IVs ran dry.  Still no sign of them.  There hadn’t been a day when they hadn’t come down to torture him and play out their sick fantasy so what had happened?  

Night came again.  He wondered if this was some trick.  If they were going to come back and hurt him in some way.  He sat.  A second day and night passed.  No sign of them.  By the third morning, he figured that they had died in their sleep two days ago.  Good riddance, you god damn monsters, he thought.  He knew he had to go now.  He knew there was only way to exit.  

He bent his body forward and began to pull.