Which Adam Sandler is the Worst?

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For some reason, I got on an Adam Sandler kick this weekend and it got me thinking about his characters in the golden age of his movies. Now, I want to say his nineties comedies are classics in and of themselves. But how are their characters? Where does Billy Madison stand on the moral hierarchy? Well, no one asked and I’m going to figure that out.

Billy Madison

Born rich, privileged and listless. Immediately that are huge points against him. Batman was born rich and privileged and he’s saved the world multiple times. Even if he didn’t want to put on a costume and fight injustice, he could have done something. Least of all get an education. Plus, he was generally an asshole before he got some learning in him.

So, I’m going to say that he’s a scumbag.

Happy Gilmore

Okay, Happy is an interesting case. Of the Adam Sandlers on this list, he’s probably the most morally grey. He was a working man trying to chase a dream. He found out that he had an affinity for a different sport that he didn’t like and gave that up to help his grandmother. That sacrifice means a lot.

Still, he had an anger problem. Anger can be good, it can drive you forward to make changes in your life and the world for the better. It can also be a destructive force that harms people. Happy when he’s Angry Gilmore often lashes out at people such as Bob Barker and the clown at the mini golf course.

“He lead to Chubs’ death!” I hear you cry. That was an accident. Pure and simple. Nobody said that Happy was a perfect guy. I certainly didn’t.

While his anger can be destructive, I fully advocate for him throwing Ben Stiller out of that window. Anyone who abuses the elderly deserves far worst than that.

Mr. Deeds

He really just came up with characters and then built a whole movie around them in the 90s, didn’t he?

Mr. Deeds is a pure soul. Humble working man that was elevated to the height of luxury and didn’t let it change him. Oh, he has servants now? You bet your ass he’s going to be nice and joke around with them.

Are some of his morals a little outdated? Sure, I think he made a bigger deal about cursing in front of ladies than might need to be and it led to a sequence where we’re making fun of child abuse but his heart was in the right place.

But then he also helped protect Winona Ryder from a potential mugger. He gave up that money just as easily. He’s a kind and generous person. Good for him.

Big Daddy

Sonny Koufax straight up sucks. I mean, it could be said that he took in a child that no one cared about.

A brief tangent about how fucked the life of the child is in this movie. His dying mother sends him to go find his father that he doesn’t. Someone puts this child on a train or plane to NYC. Maybe there was someone that was supposed to lead him the rest of the way to his father. I don’t know because the teenager that drops him off at the apartment is just like “I don’t know someone paid me to drop him here.” Then without asking for any identification or anything, Sonny claims the child as his own. Way to go fictional child services.

(I know that actual child service workers work very hard to do their best for their charges. I’m calling out the worker in this movie. God bless those who do that work.)

Anyway, Sonny. Sonny is irresponsible, terrible at his job and raises the child at first with the care someone would a feral dog. The child is violent, disgusting and probably has lice at a certain point in the film.

But you might think that that’s the worst thing he’s done. Oh, no, no. The worst thing is that he made the child believe that he was his father. Not biological but still a father figure. When Jon Stewart, suddenly reappears, the boy has to realize that he has to go to a man that didn’t want him or believed that he was his father in the first place.

I can forgive the shitty things that Billy Madison did and most of the things that Sonny did in his personal life. However, when you bring a child into the equation, the only thing that should be done are things to ensure the care and happiness of said child.

Too bad no one gave a shit about him.

Are puzzle games the same as rogue-lites?

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Over the weekend, I bought and played Balatro. For those that don’t know, Balatro is a rogue-lite where you play different poker hands to gain chips and get a total in a set number of moves. Different jokers can be combined to increase your chips and help you win.

A rogue-lite for those who further don’t know, is a game where you don’t get to keep your progress after you die or fail in your task. Usually, your run can be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour depending on the luck of the draw.

Balatro

It is addictive to say the least. I put in 11 hours before I knew what had happened. It got me thinking though that maybe the original puzzle games are rogue-lites in and of themselves. Games like Dr. Mario, Tetris Attack, Bust A Move and regular old Tetris. You have a run and you have to rely on skill and luck to see how far you’re going to go.

There is a delicate balance between those two that you have to maintain. Playing Balatro made me retroactively not like another rogue-lite, Slay the Spire, which has you climbing a tower while playing various cards to fight monsters.

Slay the Spire

I put way more hours into Slay the Spire over the years than I did Balatro. And yet, I never beat it. Maybe I was playing it wrong but I just didn’t even get close except for a handful of times. When I did though my character was so out of his depth and was easily defeated. I think that’s the point and it could definitely be a skill issue but I still think Balatro has it beat on ease of use. When I lost in Balatro, I would think that I had definitely made some errors here and there. When I lost in Slay the Spire I would feel like the game had decided it had enough of my shit and slammed me to the ground for my hubris.

It could just be me but I do feel like Slay the Spire could be a bit more forgiving. But then maybe that’s the whole point much the increasingly difficult Soulsborne games. I’m terrible at those as well.

Okay, so maybe it is me. But the fact of the matter, is that I keep coming back to games like Dr. Mario, Bust a Move and Tetris because they give me the feeling that I’m somewhat in control. Maybe I won’t get the pill, bubble or tetrad that I’m looking for but I’ll at least feel like I’ve accomplished something.

The worst thing that anything can do is make you feel like you’ve wasted your time. Whether it be a movie, book, TV show or video game. Do I feel like I’ve wasted my time playing Slay the Spire? No, I don’t. I never wasn’t having fun with the game. I just, I don’t think I’m going to pick it up anytime soon.

Admittedly, Balatro lost its attraction when I won the run. Hunh, maybe that’s why Slay the Spire is so hard. So that I’ll keep coming at it like Don Quixote at his windmill.

Every Woman is a History Book

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Every woman is a history book 

Detailing a lifetime of hardship 

Footnotes of little slights and dismissals

Whole chapters on attacks and pain 

Illustrations of wiping away tears 

Putting on a brave face 

And getting on with it 

Because there is no other choice

Sometimes their history is a shared one 

An oral history of similar acts 

Strategies to get through it all

To rise above and keep going

A tribe that looks to its borders 

With distrust and anger 

Knowing their own history 

And looking to change it 

Why Cats are Funnier Than Dogs

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In the backstory for the murderous foe of the Simpsons, Sideshow Bob, who was Krusty the Clown’s sidekick for many years, we see that his brother Cecil tried out for it instead. Cecil appeared in full clown makeup while Bob wore a dapper suit. When it came to the pie test, Cecil got hit with it and it wasn’t funny. Krusty reprimands him and says “The pie gag’s only funny if the sap’s got dignity.”

And that’s why cats are so much funnier than dogs.

Now, let me remind you that I have nothing against dogs. I think they’re proud and noble creatures that have served humanity for hundreds of years and no amount of praise, treats or belly rubs can be leveled at that them to ever thank them enough for the work they do in being our trusted companions.

But that doesn’t equate funniness. They are funny in their own way but cats I think take it way further. So here’s a short list of the reasons I think cats are funny.

  1. They just roll with the punches. Cats will get themselves stuck somewhere and just chill for the most part. Their ability to fit anywhere they can get their head through leads to them in all kinds of situations.

2. They look really funny in hats. This is self explanatory.

3. Cats’ reactions to things. Cats are overly dramatic and I love that for them. They will launch themselves off of something or go buck wild over the mildest thing.

4. They are expressive beyond belief. Sure they don’t probably know about the emotions that we’re applying to these expressions but they’re all funny. Whether they be angry:

Shocked:

Or just reinstating the clear relationship boundary lines:

I have a great love for all animals but cats will always be my favorite having grown up with them and learned their eccentricities and personalities. Soon, I will have my own cat, that is owned solely by me just like I have this apartment. I will regale you with tales of that cat and his insanity.

Well, anyway, thank you for joining me on this somewhat redundant post reminding the internet that cats are funny.

Star Trek: Lower Decks – Series Review

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One of the things that I talk to my friends about is how the hell does the universe of Star Trek still exist? I don’t mean the franchise, I mean how has it not gotten destroyed by some kind of quasar or time travel problem.

Because usually in one of these series, we follow just one ship and they’re going to nearly end the universe on multiple occasions. But the Federation has perhaps thousands of ships all doing the same thing. All encountering the same problems. One of them must fail at some point to allow the universe to rip itself asunder.

That’s my little rant about Star Trek in general. I honestly have always admired the series from afar. It’s so chunky that I don’t know how to jump into it. I feel that way more and more these days. Genshin Impact and League of Legends confuse me.

Anyway, I have been pushing to watch more actual TV and not just the same youtube videos over and over again. So, I did what any reasonable person would do and made a list of twenty science fiction shows and rolled a D20. It fortunately landed on 11, which was Star Trek: Lower Decks.

I did not plan to watch all of it in two weeks but here we are. I have no regrets.

Our crew, T’Lyn, Tendi, Mariner, Rutherford and Boimler

The show concerns itself with the ensigns on the lower decks that do all the dirty work aboard a Federation starship. While the bridge crew goes to flute recitals, they’re hard at work cleaning everything up and stacking crates. They of course end up in all kinds of adventures and danger.

The series focused more on comedy than science fiction. Our main four for the first three seasons is endlessly optimistic scientist former pirate Tendi, the rebellious daughter of the captain Beckett Mariner Freeman, engineering cybernetically enhanced engineer Rutherford and finally desperate to prove himself ensign Bradward Boimler. These four carry the show for so long that when they finally bring in straightwoman Vulcan T’Lyn, it only serves to enhance the show with her deadpan delivery and reactions to everything else that’s going on.

It’s strange to find a show with no bad episodes. I can’t think of a single one that I actively disliked(okay, to be fair I skipped the second holodeck episode making fun of the new movies. I just don’t like the holodeck in general). Every character is interesting and never annoying. This can sometimes happen with multiple main characters, where you see that the episode is going to focus on X and you roll your eyes and pray for it to end.

Despite being a comedy, they manage to bring in some pretty great drama. Mariner has been around the block being impetuous and rebellious but it’s used to hide a pain that even she doesn’t want to acknowledge. Tendi and Rutherford’s backstories are really interesting. Watching Boimler’s growth into becoming the person he is at the end of the series is phenomenal. Every one of their voice actors always brings an energetic and fun performance.

It also does what a lot of newer Star Trek shows don’t do, which is show admiration for what came before without it turning it into constant self congratulating praise. When I think about the Chris Pine Star Trek movies I think about how often we had to stop in those just to admire the Enterprise. So many glory shots.

It also encompasses the joy of discovery and exploration. But that there are downsides to it like how most of the crew is brutally injured throughout the missions.

I know it’s not professional in a review to point out only the good things. But sometimes stuff is just good because it’s well made. Maybe my opinion would be different if I had seen every episode that was ever made but I have two friends who have done that and they both love this show.

Hunh, I wonder if that’s the Star Trek equivalent of “I’m not racist I have (person of color/LGBTQIA+) friends”.

Anyway, here’s Boimler going off on people who think the Federation is lame.

The Purge Movies Could Be More Interesting

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The Purge movies’ whole concept is that for one night in America all crime is legal. You can do whatever you want and in the morning everyone goes back to being normal. Because they’re horror movies, this mostly falls into the idea of murder.

I know already that’s a flawed concept in general. But let’s pretend that this thing could happen. Why does that version of America even function?

The minute the Purge night starts, you know that businesses would be pulling the most heinous insider trading scams they could. They would be dumping pollution into every single park, lake or ocean that they could find. Presidents could declare war without congressional approval! They could bomb whoever they wanted! It would be insane.

Even further than that, you could have kids drinking all kinds of alcohol and doing all kinds of drugs. Doing illegal street races throughout their towns.

I think they ought to make a story where all those things happen. I know they won’t because Hollywood is in the pocket of big businesses and is now using eco terrorists as the bad guys in a lot of action movies to make the climate change movement look bad.

In general, there are just so many more interesting stories you could tell. To that end, I don’t think that they should be straightforward horror movies anymore and instead become anthologies. Give different creators with different viewpoints a chance to tell a story in that world that they think is realistic. It could be really interesting.

Our Perfect Gentlemen

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(This is a preview of one of the stories that’s going to be in my collection of horror stories entitled A Heartbeat in the Darkness.)

It was an unfortunate thing that most people were happy about the missing child posters.  Though they would never say such a thing to the distraught parents.  They would place their hands on their arms and say it was such a tragedy and they were in their thoughts.  Meanwhile saying good riddance behind their backs at various social functions.  The one bit of sorrow was that their older daughter still wandered the streets putting up the signs.  A hopeless endeavor.  It made them sad because she was a good girl, so different than her brother.  People liked her.  Maybe if they had liked him a little bit more.  He wouldn’t have turned out this way.  

Or maybe he just needed a firmer hand than his parents had been willing to use.  At least that’s what the Pince sisters thought.  Two older women who had relaxed into a life of retirement with a nice little nest egg.  He was their current house guest.  Wasn’t he just so fine now, sitting in their living room across from them.  Serving them tea.  His smile so much better than that nasty look he had on his face at all times before.  Constantly frowning, constantly smirking and giving people the finger.  What a naughty little boy he had been.  

They had fixed it.  It had taken quite a bit of work but they had fixed it.  Just like that they had so many times in the past.  They had this down to a perfect science.  He would be their house guest for as long as they could keep him.  Not that anyone ever left by choice.

Night came and so the two sisters retired up to bed.  Leaving him downstairs by himself.  One of them gave a quick flick to the machinery on the wall.  It spun and the resulting slackening was near instantaneous.  

The young man’s arms fell to his sides, his mouth finally fell away from the rictus smile that it had been forced into throughout the day.  It was hard to decide which was the worse pain.  The ones in his arms, mouth or in his cut achilles tendons.  The rings that had been sewn into his skin and then laced with fine piano wires ached.  He was made uncomfortable by the IVs that fed him as there was no longer any use for his super glued together teeth.  

He sat like a doll that had been left in the corner.  His body limp and useless.  There was no escape.  No way to get out of here.  He remembered the day that he had broken in here.  Looking for something of value to steal and sell.  How he hadn’t heard the one sister behind him before she struck him with the encyclopedia.  Knocking him unconscious.  Where had she gotten that strength?  

He had woken up this way.  Covered in the rings.  His jaw clamped together.  They had kept him like a toy ever since.  That had been months ago.  He assumed that they had killed their husbands.  Were living off the life insurance policies.  How else could they have afforded this?  

He slept fitfully this night and every night.  His body wrapped up in its various pains and discomforts.  The next morning, he rose with the sun in his eyes.  But the women weren’t there.  He couldn’t hear them.  The day passed.  The IVs ran dry.  Still no sign of them.  There hadn’t been a day when they hadn’t come down to torture him and play out their sick fantasy so what had happened?  

Night came again.  He wondered if this was some trick.  If they were going to come back and hurt him in some way.  He sat.  A second day and night passed.  No sign of them.  By the third morning, he figured that they had died in their sleep two days ago.  Good riddance, you god damn monsters, he thought.  He knew he had to go now.  He knew there was only way to exit.  

He bent his body forward and began to pull.  

My Workout Plan for Hiking

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Before I started my hiking training program, I had a similar workout plan. I’ve adapted it to make this one. It goes by the weekday so that’s how I’ll do it.

Monday

Strength training(Arms)- I do three different weight machines at my gym with increasing weight focusing on my arms. I want to make sure that I can pull myself up to so that I can scale cliffs if need be.

Crunches(100)- After I stretch, it’s time for a hundred crunches. Taking it slow so I can really feel the burn. I want to make sure that I can reinforce my core and build up strength for the walking.

Squats with weights(30)- More core exercises and to get my booty just right.

Lunges with weights(30)- Building up leg and core strength.

Elliptical(15 minutes increasing)- I start at ten and every minute I put on another level of resistance. I get up to 8 minutes and 18 resistance before I start leveling off on a minute by minute basis.

Tuesday

Swimming- I bought the book, Swimming to Freedom: My Escape From China and the Cultural Revolution by Kent Wong and that ignited my interest in swimming as a form of exercise. In the well written book, he swims five miles through choppy water to get to Hong Kong. I wanted to somewhat get on his level. I mean, I won’t because he’s also a doctor and raised Jimmy and Freddy Wong who are phenomenal in their own right, but I can come close. I need to get right with this because I haven’t always been consistent in my swimming.

Powerwalking(30 minutes)- The community center I do my swimming at has a track and it’s not usually busy at the time I go. I can’t run anymore because I’ve fallen too many times and my ankles can’t handle the stress. However, I can powerwalk to the ends of the earth.

Wednesday

Rest. Why try and jump over hump day when I can just lazily roll down the other side of the hill.

Thursday

Almost everything is exactly the same except my weight machine exercises focus on my legs and I’m trading out the elliptical for the recumbent bike.

Friday

Same as Tuesday. Hopefully I’ll be building on the amount of laps that I’m doing.

Saturday/Sunday

One day of rest and the other day I’m either going to be powerwalking or if I have the time, I’m going to go for a hike. How else am I going to get ready for hiking without hiking?

So, yeah, that’s my workout plan. If you’re a hiker reading this and you have suggestions please leave a comment or email me at franklincotaauthor@gmail.com. Thank you.

Stagnation

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For the last three years, I’ve been trying to move out of my old apartment to finally live on my own. I’m not upset by the amount of time it took, I liked living with the various roommates I’ve had throughout the years but now it’s time for me to be on my own. Since I’ve been living on my own, I’m never going back. I will never live with another person again unless I’m in love or that person is need.

However, my last big endeavor was getting my degree in IT. I did that and that led to the job I have now and my moving out on my own.

Over the weekend, I was enjoying Star Trek: Lower Decks and doing puzzles. I finished with that and started to go into my room to play some Persona 3. It was then that I stopped myself and thought. I don’t have an actual goal. In that moment, I felt so lost and afloat.

Fortunately, several decades of therapy have prepared me for moments like this. I thought about that thought. Where did it come from?

I think it came from the idea that I was stagnating. That I wasn’t moving forward anymore. That there was no direction forward.

So, as I played Persona 3 because if I’m not going to figure out Tartarus who is? I thought about the next goal. First, I would like to move forward in my career at some point. Secondly, I would like to go to Maine and to Acadia national park to hike its many trails. For that I would need to train. Thirdly, I would like for someone to read my books and tell me that they like them. Whether that’s self published or through a publishing company.

Even if I hadn’t come up with this, I think that it’s important to have some kind of destination in mind. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to run the race. Just that you have a finish line. Something to go for.

I’ll let you know how this goes. The steps I’m taking, this website being one of them, to get to my various goals.

Best Tone for Batman

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Well, it’s certainly not that.

The thing with comic book characters is that their interpretation switches from author to author. What one person thinks can cause others define them in a certain way down the line. They bring their ideals and concepts to them.

So, what tone do I think is best for the Batman? Well, for me it’s a man that’s deeply hurt and wanting to do his best to help people. He can get angry but he’s not angry all the time. He’s done work on himself to deal with things throughout the years. He can crack jokes and smile.

The mask is off and the truth is that I think that the best tone for Batman is the one from the DCAU. From the picture above, this is his reaction to the Joker hanging from a catwalk over an inferno. The Joker is screaming for help and Bats is just casually looking down at him. Bemused above all things.

When he gets angry though, it’s chilling to see and that’s of course part of the wonder of the late and great Kevin Conroy. There’s one episode where Batman encounters this cruel man that uses children as his slaves to steal for him. When he eventually captures the man, Batman says that he took an oath to never become judge, jury and executioner but he sorely wishes that he was.

How does he handle his villains? He constantly seeks their rehabilitation and to help them. There’s an episode where the Ventriloquist gets released and tries to go straight. Batman spends a great number of nights hanging outside of his apartment to make sure that he doesn’t get dragged back into the underworld. As Bruce Wayne, he gives him a job working as a mail clerk in Wayne Enterprises.

It’s been said that if you can’t write a scene with Batman comforting a child, then you’re just writing the Punisher in a cape. And that brings us to the greatest scene with this Batman.

A dying psychic child has caused damage to a city and when she goes it becomes permanent and will essentially become a nuke affecting a huge swath of the city. Amanda Waller, who I’ll eventually give an entire post to, has a device that will kill her. Batman states that he’ll be the one to use it on her.

Ace has had encounters with him before and lets him into her hiding place. He finds her swinging on a swing set. She tells him that she read his mind and knows two things: that she will soon die and that he isn’t going to use the device on her.

She asks him to sit with her and he sits down on the swing with her and offers her his hand. She dies peacefully and the damage is reversed.

Perfection.

You have to keep the main things intact with Batman, the sorrow at the loss of his parents. The anger at the world for it but he should never be a monster. He should always be someone who is trying his best in an unstoppable war on crime.

At least that’s how I’ve always seen him.