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Kurt

The 31st anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death was a few days ago. I was obsessed with Nirvana growing up and throughout high school. It’s the reason that I started playing guitar. I never really learned his songs because I knew I couldn’t play them as well as he could but I wrote my own because of him.

From what I read in the various biographies about him, he was a deeply troubled but kind soul. He was in constant pain from a bend in his spine that caused him stomach problems throughout his life. Also, a private person that was not ready for the ravages of fame. But we tell people that that’s the price they pay for wanting to do the job.

He also hated people for their stupid and pointless hatred.

“If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us — leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.” – Kurt Cobain

“I’m not gay but I wish I was so that I could piss off the homophobes.” -Kurt Cobain

It’s quotes like these that made him a rock star in my eyes. Rock stars are supposed to write great songs and challenge the status quo. People like Bowie, Cash, Springsteen and Dylan calling out injustice when they see it. Kurt did it in his own way. He brought female led bands on tour with him so that they could get more exposure in a scene where they weren’t respected. He wore dresses so often that you would think that he clearly held views similar to Iggy Pop:

“I’m not ashamed to dress as a woman because I don’t think there’s anything shameful about being a woman.”

I see the Nirvana smiley face a lot around and I hope it means that people are listening to his music. I don’t think that’s what’s going on and it’s just become a brand to sell t-shirts. I think the music stands as tall as it did back then. Every album full of amazing riffs and lyrics. I think my favorite song is the one that was never actually released “You Know You’re Right”, which is a crystallization of his song writing.

This Kid Definitely Grew Up To Be a Psychopath

I’ve had problems with the Homeward Bound movies since I saw them as kids. The first one is an absolutely beautiful movie that still can make me weep as a nearly forty year old man. The scene where Shadow falls in the hole and then gives up. Then they fake you out that he didn’t get out of the hole and died down there. This movie was hardwired to wound me. Oh and even before this, they send a cat down a waterfall! So, hey even if you’re more of a cat person, they’re going to harm you too.

Chance, Shadow and Sassy and the sound of me sobbing

Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco introduces three of cinema’s greatest monsters. If you’ve never seen this movie that’s over thirty years old at this point, the pets from the first movie are lost again but now instead of the wilderness, they’re in San Francisco. They’re befriended by a group of dogs led by Riley.

Who’s a good boy?

Riley has a deep distrust of humans because he was given as a Christmas gift to a little boy. But for some reason the little boy was born with evil in his heart and ignores the beautiful puppy before him.

Look at his little bow!

The parents have already made the dumb mistake of giving the boy an animal as a gift without discussing it with him first. But they further show why they raised a monster because they’re monsters themselves! Instead of taking the dog back to where they got him and admitting they’re fucking idiots, they make him a customized box to dump him in the gutter on the coldest and rainiest night of the year according to the narration.

Go fuck yourselves.

I could have posted a pic of Riley in the box with his bow still on but hey, you don’t need to cry today. I had to carry that burden. These people would cut funding for Mr. Freeze’s wife if they got the chance. They make supervillains. If Riley went White God on the city of San Francisco, I wouldn’t like it for the innocent citizens of that beautiful city but I would get it.

How I Would End the Simpsons

WHY?!

Does this still make money? I don’t even know anymore.

Anyway, I think the Simpsons should have ended a long time ago. They’ve had great episodes that they could have ended on. The one where Lisa sees her future of nearly getting married to Simpsons Hugh Grant. But I have my own ending for the yellow family.

I would have Homer doing another one of his dumb money making schemes and everyone comments on how Homer has had some successful ventures in the past. He tells them that he doesn’t know. He then finds a note in his pocket that is a reminder that he has an account in Shelbyville. He drives out there and finds out that there is a lot of money in the account. He wonders what happened and the Simpsons see that there is a dent in the wall. The bank teller tells him that every time he would make a deposit, he would immediately hit himself in the hard and forget about everything.

The Simpsons realize that they are now rich and everything can be taken care of. Homer can retire, there’s enough money for Lisa to go to college and Bart can do whatever he wants.

I think that that would be a good ending because it would harken back to the old Simpsons where Homer was a good father and calls back to every adventure they had.

That’s how I would finish it.

Breaking the Rules

England, March 18th, 1883

The carriage came charging up the main drive, rattling along the cobblestones. It’s occupant was reading in a notebook. She was dressed in a simple dress and had barely been able to put herself together. She looked out the window at Windmoor Manor as they approached. The grounds were enormous and well kept. The night was chilly and looking like it would snow.

As they approached the doors, the footman jumped from the driver’s seat and opened the door.

“Thank you, Elliott,” she said as she got out.

There were two men and women waiting in the foyer as she came through the door. The man was a young rake, handsome and indulgent from the look in his eyes. Well dressed with dark brown hair.

The women were distraught, one of them was a teen and she was waifish and thin. Her hair was dark brown as well. She wore a dark blue dress. Her mother was older with hair going gray, there was much of the mother’s beauty in the daughter.

They looked upon the handsome woman that had come into the house. There were serving people that stood nearby.

“Lady Edgars, it’s good to see you,” the young man said.

“Hello, master Charles. I wish we could have met on better terms,” Lady Edgars said. “Yvette and Josephine, how are you?”

“My father is more important than providing comfort to these women despite how hysterical they may be.”

“Fair enough. Ladies, I will speak to you in a moment. Show me the body.”

Charles led her to the sitting room where his father had passed. He had doubled over out of his chair and died on the carpet. There was blood pooling out of his mouth. Staining the carpet red. He was a large man, it would take many men to drag him out.

She picked up the whiskey and sniffed it.

“Arsenic,” she said.

“My God, who would do such a thing?” Charles said.

“Did your father have any enemies?”

“No, not a one. He was well loved throughout the town.”

“Hm. Did anyone owe him money? Someone that might have access to the grounds?”

“Many people owe us money.”

“Hm.”

“Do you have any theories?”

“Several. I would like to speak with your mother and sister in private.”

“I don’t know if I can allow that.”

“Sir, if you want me to figure this out, I’m going to need unprejudiced statements.”

“They’re weak as all women are. I don’t know if they can take it. Especially in their fragile states.”

“Your mother gave birth to two children. I know from personal experience that is no easy feat.”

“Fair enough.”

“Make sure to drink nothing else unless I smell it first.”

She chose to speak with Josephine, the daughter, in her bedroom. It was well kept as all ladies of means’ bedrooms were. Josephine’s face was damp with tears.

“Thank you for speaking with me, I won’t be long,” she said.

“I’ll let you know everything I know,” Josephine said.

“If it gets to be too much, let me know. Now, where were you at the time of your father’s death?”

“I was up here, preparing for bed.”

“Did you hear or see anything after the maid screamed?”

“No, I just knew that my brother and the help were running to the sitting room. I went running and saw my father on the floor.”

“May I see your fingers?”

Josephine showed her her hands. She watched as Lady Edgars eyes went wide.

“My God,” she said. “I know who killed your father.”

She walked from the room and called out.

“I need everyone to meet me in the sitting room,” she said. “Josephine, follow me.”

Soon, they were gathered. Yvette and Josephine stayed away from the body.

“Now, I didn’t know who it could have been when I got here,” Lady Edgars said.

She opened up a snifter and smelled it. She poured out two drams each into a pair of glasses. She handed one to Charles. He downed it immediately.

“And that took far less convincing than I thought it would,” Lady Edgars said.

“What?” Charles said.

“Waiting for you to drink that whiskey. I thought you would push back on it. I thought that you would have some sense of self preservation. An iota of thought in that stupid head of yours. But alas, not all our enemies can be so deviling, so challenging. Sometimes a fool is simply a fool.”

The pain started in his gut. It traveled throughout his body.

“You and your father are not well loved in the town. You can’t see it because people scrape and bow whenever you come by. They ignore the working women you abuse. They know to not hold you accountable. Your mother and sister wrote to me. Told me of the monsters you and your father are. I had only to look at your sister’s fingers to know that they were true. They never healed properly when you slammed them in the doorway? I told them to wait. New legislation was coming through and it has. This house and everything will go to your mother. Everything you worked for will be for nothing.”

He looked at his mother who looked sad. Despite the hatred she had for him, he was still her son. His sister on the other hand, she was smiling wickedly.

“You won’t get away with this,” he wheezed.

“Yes, we will, I will tell a story so believable. A son jealous of his father. Confronted by the evidence, he drank the poison rather than face justice,” Lady Edgars said.

The world faded away from the son. The ladies toasted their good fortune.

This is the Summer of Our Dumb Fun Sequel Ideas

A slew of trailers have been released to showcase the exceptional dumb sequel ideas that are coming through. And I’m here for it. Now when I say that they’re dumb ideas, that isn’t to call them out. I love something that is dumb fun. So, let’s go through them.

M3GAN 2.0

This is probably the one I’m most excited for. I thought that the first one was so much fun and I really enjoyed the PG-13 version. It didn’t need to be R. The concept we’re dealing with on this one is that after M3gan getting killed by Gemma in the first movie, M3gan is on a kind of parole. They find out that someone made a new robot off of Gemma’s design and it’s coming to kill Cady and Gemma. M3gan demands a new, taller body so that she can bring the noise to this robot and protect Cady.

It looks like they switched it up in the same way they did between Terminator and T2: Judgement Day. Going from straight up horror to action/horror. You have shots of M3gan in a goddamn wingsuit. It’s looks so fun.

Five Nights at Freddy’s 2

This looks to be more of the same from the first one. Josh Hutcherson fighting Freddy Fazbear and the rest of the robots. Apparently they can still sneak around throughout the world despite being giant robots. Once again trying to save a small girl from robots. Starting to sense a theme. This is the one I’m least excited for but I’ll probably see it for the podcast.

Jurassic World Rebirth

This is the Jurassic Park movie I’ve been waiting for since the Lost World. A bunch of people have to go to the original islands to get DNA from three different eggs. That’s a straight up video game plotline. If this was a video game though Scarlett would be climbing up towers to open up parts of the map. I love dinosaurs. I love the fact that they went there with hybrid dinosaurs and then they’re like you thought that that indomitus rex was bad, get ready for an even scarier looking dinosaur. The D Rex! I can’t wait for them to get through the other 23 letters.

You might have thought that I would have ended that sentence with the words as they run it into the ground.

NOPE!

They can make Jurassic Park movies until the heat death of the universe. I love these movies so much. I love dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs wrecking shit. There’s not a bad dinosaur at all.

Ankylosaur

Hell yeah!

T-Rex!

Amazing!

Oh, they were actually covered in feathers?

They use them little wings to flap around their prey so that they can puncture them with their foot claws and then bite them. Badass as fuck.

Dinosaurs kick ass no matter how old you are.

So, yeah, looks like a good cinema summer.

Game Changer and Taskmaster: The Joy of Play

There are a great number of game shows that exist in the world that I would not want to be on. Jeopardy and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? are two where I don’t need to embarrass myself on a national level. I have a podcast for that. Wheel of Fortune, that’s a solid maybe.

Game Changer is a definitive no. Sam Reich, son of former labor secretary and current administration shit talker, Robert Reich, puts his comedians through their paces and through challenges that border on psychological torture. Don’t believe me? Watch any of the Sam Says episodes.

The face of a man who put his dad’s penis on his game show

The whole point of Game Changer is that the contestants don’t know the rules. They have to figure out what the game is as they go along. The first episode shows the three contestants dealing with a lie detector being asked questions about themselves. It turns out it’s their three partners off camera operating it. Another episode has them answering simple questions but they have to find a working to buzz in. They acquire these by doing things such as throwing balls at a buzzer on a wall, calling a pizza place to deliver one or find the book one is hidden inside.

There’s a similar show to this that has set rules from the U.K called, Taskmaster. The setup is simple Greg Davies and his assistant, little Alex Horne(6’2) challenge five comedians over ten weeks to a series of challenges. These range from doing such things as not doing the thing, getting five grapes out of a mountain of flour while wearing flippers and spilling as little flour as possible, trying to figure out what bin Alex Horne is hidden in and a number of other ones. You can find all the episodes on YouTube. Any season is well worth a watch.

I’m not the first person to point out the similarities between these shows. It’s the reason that when people talk about an American version of Taskmaster, they want Sam Reich and Dropout in charge of it. But the main one for me, is the endless playfulness of both shows.

Game Changer can sometimes have some great prizes, such as trips or money but usually the prize is another joke for the audience and contestants. The buzzer episode’s prize was a bug zapper. Those that win Taskmaster get this haunting faux golden bust of Greg Davies.

See you in my nightmares, gold head.

Because of that the contestants are just trying their best to have fun and enjoy themselves. Laughter ratios competence on a scale of 5:1. This is why you hire professionals rather than any person off the street. This brings something else to the table, camaraderie. On Game Changer especially, the groups have been working together for years. Now their personalities take center stage. A lot has been made of annoying and trying to trigger the higher competitive and competent Brennan Lee Mulligan.

I know that you can’t take everything at face value. I know they’re doing it for profit. But the joyfulness is just such a thing that you can’t help but feel it.

I think it speaks to how important it is to keep playing. To keep yourself going and having fun. Not just in a you never know when your day will be your last but it’s good for your heart.

I think it’s good for the soul to do something, that you find funny. Not for anyone else and nothing that would hurt or inconvenience anyone else but just because you think it’s funny. Make up a funny voice that’s only for you plants. Give your cats nicknames that are longer than the introduction of the king of Westeros.

Find people that you love and engage them in play. It could be anything and you would find yourself freed in a way that you don’t know how.

I do this every Thursday night with my friends around the table during DND. For all those that thought it was satanic in the 70s and such, well it’s made of three things: improv, funny voices and maths. I think in the last few years those nights are the ones where I have laughed the longest and hardest. Being in the middle of a big bad’s speech when someone makes a fart noise.

When my father passed away on a Sunday I was left with four long days to grieve. When we got to the virtual table that Thursday, I told the group I didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want anyone asking how I felt, I just wanted to play.

And for the first time in those 96 hours, I felt free. I felt light again. The pain was lost in stupid jokes and stories.

We dismiss play because we only think of it as something for children and children waste time because they’re allowed to waste time. The fact of the matter is that play is good no matter the age. It’s not a waste of time because if it gives you all the joy that it’s meant to, isn’t that worth it in the end?

Oh and one final note, I want to love the inclusion of both shows. They don’t discriminate by age, sex, race or sexuality. It furthers the joy of the show.

Is There a New Oddjob?

For those that don’t know, Oddjob was a character in Goldeneye the video game that no one wanted their opponents to play because you would constantly shoot over him.

They’ve recently announced though that Sabrina Carpenter is coming to Fortnite and wow we sure have come a long way from the polygonal nightmares above.

So considering, she’s five feet flat, I think it’s time for her to get a smaller hitbox and be harder to hit. Her whole thing is being smol.

I won’t be playing because I didn’t get on the ground floor of Fortnite and the whole thing feels so confusing to me.

Oh my God, I’ve turned into Grandpa Simpson.

Sean Bean was at his best as Boromir

Okay, so I know that everyone is at their best during the Lord of the Rings movies. The visual effects artists, writers, directors, actors, extras, costume and prop designers, everyone. Especially that person that made the one orc that looked like Harvey Weinstein that disgusting pervert.

It’s like I’m seeing double!

But my favorite performance in the first movie is Sean Bean as Boromir. He slays through the whole movie. He sells you on his desperation and though there isn’t a huge amount of dialogue for all the characters, he shows you his entire backstory in what few lines he has.

He’s a man, tired of so many things. He has to fight against Mordor constantly and he gets no help and pushed aside even here among his friends. Suddenly, he sees a treasure that he has heard tales about that could make his life so much easier. Anyone would take it. The fact that he made it as far as he did was a thing of wonder.

Even beyond that, there’s just so much to like. He spars with Merry and Pippin and is concerned when he might have hurt them, he puts a comforting hand on Gimli’s shoulder when Gimli finds his relative dead and has to inform Gandalf that continuing over the mountain will kill the hobbits. When Gandalf is gone, he comforts Frodo and asks that they have a moment to grieve. He treats them a bit like children because maybe that’s how he sees them. It makes you wish he had some of his own…

It’s not just in these moments of kindness that Sean Bean shines. There’s a moment when they’re defending the Mines of Moria where he goes to look out the doors when they hear the orcs approaching. He reports back to the others that they have a cave troll. But he does it in a tone that’s almost like “They have a cave troll, fits perfectly in my week, I tell ya.”

When he gives into the ring’s corruption, it’s not even evil or megalomaniacal. He’s desperate. He immediately regrets it and does his best to save Merry and Pippin. Several arrows thud into him and he dies with his king, Aragorn.

It’s easy to see how this got him Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. They’re similar roles and characters though I think that Boromir is a bit better person.

This is how you write a sympathetic character. This is how you write a betrayal that hurts. You weep for Boromir. You wish he could see home again. To lie among his people. But he won’t. One final heartbreak for a hero.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller Spoiler Review

So, I want to talk about how good this book is and to do that, I’m going to spoil some things. To that end, if you want to read this book, stop reading here and go read it. It’s a great read, I couldn’t get enough of it. Check it out.

Alessandra is a straight up piece of shit and I love her for it. She is self-absorbed, conniving and power hungry. She’s also highly intelligent and charming. She’s been overlooked by her sister and now she wants to step into her own. She has a plan to do this by marrying, fucking and killing the current leader of the world, the Shadow King. Step one of the plan is scamming a bunch of idiots into giving her money and jewels. She uses that to fund her trip and we’re off to the races.

The thing is with this book, is that neither lead are good people. In fact, they’re both monsters that occasionally do nice things for each other. I think that this is great and such a refreshing take on one of these kinds of novels.

Alessandra helps him hunt down and kill the local Robin Hood. Every time the king is displeased some of his servants die. This is against the backdrop of him conquering the world. There’s never a point these two ever get better.

I once had a conversation about Roy from Full Metal Alchemist that my friend didn’t like that he was so charming despite committing so many war crimes. My other friend countered that that was the point. He came back from the war and put his uniform on and makes you forget. That’s what real monsters do.

Alessandra and Kallias do the same thing, they make you forget they’re terrible by being nice… to one another. Everyone else to them is disposable.

Yet, I couldn’t stop reading. The writing was so excellent, each twist drew me further into the book. It was phenomenal.

The only minor complaint I can have is that it felt like Alessandra got out of certain trouble a bit too easily. It kind of reminded me of Josh Hartnett’s character in the movie Trap(2024). When that happened it didn’t make me think that she was that smart or resourceful. But there are other moments where her intelligence does shine through. So, maybe it evens out.

This whole book reminded me of the tone of Creep by Lygia Day Penaflor. Where the narrator helps draw you in with what’s going on and you start understanding, accepting and somewhat even encouraging the terrible things the narrator’s doing until you shake your head and remember no this is bad. It’s good for us to have books like this where terrible behavior isn’t excused. The author just presents it and you get to make your own choice.

In short, highly recommend. Five stars, 10/10, check it out.

Naming Kids

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about children’s names. Neither of us have kids, I say that as a disclaimer to what I’m about to talk about.

I brought up an idea proposed by Zac Oyama on Gamechanger(clip below):

If you don’t want to watch the clip, Zac points out that one day he’s going to be an old man named Zac. Someone else laughs and says yeah like “grandpa Braden”.

We started talking about how people name their kids after the thing they’re into at the time. Some people naming their children Daenarys or Khaleesi, which the latter is a title not a name. The thing about those characters is that the books aren’t done yet. There are multiple people who named their kid Arya, which makes sense because it’s a pretty name. But naming someone after that character is a chance. You don’t know that she’s not going to be murdered horribly in the books. I guess the show kind of clutches it out with her just being a psychopathic assassin.

How do you even make a nickname out of Khaleesi? Khalee pronounced Kah-Lee?

I always wonder what the conversations are going to be like when these children get older.

“So, you were really into Yu-Gi-Oh, eh dad?”

“I don’t need to take this disrespect Kaiba Blue Eyes White Dragon Smith.”

“I’m never going to get a job.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“He’s not even a good duelist!”

“He has style that counts for a lot.”

Because I’ve heard that from hiring managers that if they see someone’s resume with one of these fun names they get launched right into the trash.

I think we need to initiate a new rule called the Captain Kirk Naming Rule. Kirk’s full name is James Tiberius Kirk. The middle is where you put the fun name. It’s unfortunate that the world isn’t ready for fun names just like they’re afraid of face tattoos.

But think of this Eleanor Megatron Smith. Chuck Chicken Wings and Beer Gooddall. All perfectly good names and you can just hide your weirdness there.