I’m not a parent but I know that it’s a tough job. I remember seeing the movie Inside Out with a friend that had a kid and they started crying towards the end of the movie. I asked them what about the movie made them upset and they stated that they had realized that no matter what they did, their kid was destined to be unhappy. Not overall but there were going to be moments when their kid was going to be miserable and they had been responsible for that.

It was a tough conversation but the fact that they had had that thought made me think that they would be a good parent. Their child was fairly young at the time. But it got me thinking about the role that parents play in the mental health of their children.

While I know that’s a heavy and gigantic subject, I wanted to highlight two moments in media where I think that some parents could really learn. They particularly feature mothers and their daughters. The first involves Marge Simpson, the long suffering matriarch of the Simpsons family dealing with Lisa whose having a long running bout of depression that she can’t quite shake.

Marge trying her best to help, gives her the following advice:

It is horrific advice. Not acknowledging your own feelings and dealing with them in a responsible manner and also turning yourself into a smile and nothing more. The boys immediately start taking advantage of her and her trying to follow the advice is willing to go along with it. Finally, her teacher tells her he doesn’t want to another burst of “creativity” and Lisa replies with a respectful “no, sir”. Perhaps seeing her own trauma being enacted on her daughter and what it would mean for her spirit to be destroyed, Marge becomes enraged, throws her car in gear and grabs Lisa.

She then does two of the best things that a parent can do for their child. She at first, acknowledges that she was wrong. She’s willing to say I messed up and I’m not always perfect. That’s a big thing to admit to anyone but especially your child who might have put you on a pedestal of some kind. For you to come down to their level and to see that you make mistakes too is good. It makes them more able to make mistakes.

Secondly, she tells Lisa that not only that her feelings are valid and that she is allowed to have them but that she her family will be there the entire time. They’ll ride it out with her. This cheers Lisa immensely and she starts legitimately smiling.

It’s one of the best scenes of the early Simpsons. Right up there with “DO IT FOR HER”

So, we got some great parenting right there. Let’s talk about another mom and her daughter, Claire and Alex.

Alex much like Lisa is the most intelligent member of her family and that makes her feel like an outsider when she doesn’t feel able to get involved in their antics. She pushes herself to the breaking point academically and professionally, which results in all of this:

We see a child in crisis and her parents are concerned but she knows how to take care of herself and schedules a therapy appointment and how to get there on her own. Her mother goes to her school’s open house and sees the workload that she has on her shoulders including the six hours of homework that she has to do every night.

When Claire and her daughter meet up, Claire says that being her for two hours was exhausting and she didn’t know how she has a breakdown every day. Alex begins weeping and hugs her mother. What we see in this moment is the acknowledgement of a burden and her mother seeing her for who she is and what she has to go through. It’s a big thing. Everyone has their own burdens and much like with Marge and Lisa, saying that you’ll be there with someone and help to carry it, it means a world of difference.

With Lisa and Marge we saw the pain of generational trauma coming to bear on the next generation. Alex and Claire don’t have that as Claire never had the same expectations put on her as a child. But still, they’re both helping their children find the tools and support that they need to get through their troubles. They’re good episodes that I think are worth watching.