Tag Archives: writing

The Poison You Inherit

It doesn’t come through fangs

It comes through words

The ones you say when you’re home

Leaking into your kids’ ears

It fills their veins and fills them up

They say the same thing to someone else

You smile and laugh

That’s my kid

You raise your glass

The poison moves

Bit by bit

Piece by piece through your bloodline

Until one day someone makes a friend

Someone reads a book

And feels the antivenom flow through them

Father’s Day

Being a fatherless child these days

What should this day become?

Should it be ignored and left on the shelf

Pushed to the back of my mind

Where it can only tug at my brain

And make me sad out of nowhere

Or should it become a day of remembrance

Talking and thinking about all the things

Dad and I used to do

The things he said, the way he smelled

How that changed once he quit smoking

Either and any way

It doesn’t matter

There’s no way to make me less sad

Or miss him any less

Doors

(Author’s Note: This is the first spooky story I ever wrote. It’s also going to be in my new horror story collection coming out in August, A Heartbeat in the Darkness. I did a reading of this back when I had a horror podcast by the same name. You can find the reading here: https://youtu.be/kz58xCnc1VQ?si=LksEZNKEOFrFF5YB )

I haven’t been outside in a few days.  It’s not for lack of trying.  It’s just that, my house isn’t the same as it was when I woke up on Monday morning.  Something has happened.  I don’t know what. 

The rooms don’t connect the way they used to.  Every time I open the door, it leads me somewhere new.  My bedroom suddenly leading into my kitchen.  The kitchen leading towards the basement stairs.  Close the door, open and find something new.  When I did manage to get to either the back or front door, I would open them and try and leave.  My eyes would be blinded by a bright white flash of light and I find myself back in another room of the house.  Perfectly situated in the middle of a room.  Something akin to teleportation.  I’ve pinched myself until my eyes watered from the pain.  This isn’t a dream.       

I’ve tried the windows but they’re locked and no matter how I adjust them, they refuse to open.  I tried breaking them as well, throwing the heaviest objects I could find.  They refused to shatter.  I became so desperate and frustrated that eventually I opened up my gun safe and removed the pistol I had inside.  I readied a round in the chamber, kneeled behind the bed and took aim.  I fired.  I dove to the side when the bullet ricocheted, the report of the pistol still ringing in my ears.  The smoke from the muzzle setting off the  detector.  The bullet has lodged itself in the wall.  

I don’t know what to do.  I’ve been trying to figure out my new reality.  I still have water and electricity somehow.  My laptop shows a black screen, the tv shows static, the phone won’t dial out.  Without these electronic means of contact, I decided to go about the physical.  I looked through the books I had on my shelves.  All of them now a jumbled mess of letters with no meaning that I can find.  

I decided to try an experiment.  When the door opened to my front hall, I opened the door and figured out how close I could get to it before the flash of light sent me to another room.  I stood a little bit past the doorjamb yelling and waving my arms to get anyone’s attention.  Someone to help,to pull me from this place.  But no one heard me.  They kept walking.  Never turning so much as a curious eye towards me.  It was then that I heard the silence.  Despite the open door and the fact that I could see all kinds of noisemakers, birds, lawnmowers and cars.  I heard nothing.  No sound reached me.  I’ve become isolated even from vibration.

I’m sitting on the bed now with the gun stuck in the back of my pants.  Something supernatural is going on but I have no idea what it could be or why.  I’ve entered into a realm that seems to exist with some kind of dream logic.  It has rules that it follows.  Like the doors.  I’ve tried to leave them open but they shut whenever I look away.  I’ve opened them, turned and then spun back around.  Always they are closed but I see no movement, I hear no sound.  No other in the house but me.  Near as I can tell and hope.  

I’ve been trying to think of the reasons that this could happen.  Horror stories generally tell of things like this happening to those that deserve them.  Someone who has violated some universal law of rightness.  I can’t think of anything that I’ve done.  My life has been fairly unspectacular.  No skeletons in my closet.  Maybe it’s just a run of bad luck that led me here.  A higher power hoping to destroy me with no more thought than I have then when my foot falls on an anthill.  

There’s one option that I don’t want to consider.  The idea that I may have gone insane.  Something in my past that I repressed or I’ve seen something recently that made me snap.  I  don’t know much about insanity and I don’t know if a lack of sound counts as it.  That also wouldn’t explain the people who ignored me while I screamed for help.  I was there for minutes.  I saw so many people and yet no one came towards me.  No one offered anything.  Could this be a trap of my mind?  Have I simply become locked in an endless existence.  My body being left in the care of the state or some relative.  Catatonia taking over for my consciousness.  I think about the gun in the back of my pants.  I wonder if I should put it under my chin.  Pull the trigger and be done with it.  I’ve never thought about killing myself before.  No grand notions of the future but no death thoughts either.  I have some food left.  I think I’ll hold out until that is gone.  I’m not ready to roll that dice just yet.  

The long hours drag on towards the setting sun.  I turn on the lights when the sun goes  down while I still have them.  Keeping the TV on while I fall asleep.  The sound of the static offering some comfort.  

When I wake up the next morning I look out the front door.  It’s the only entertainment I have. I sit cross legged in front of the open door.  I play a game with myself in which I count  numbers until I see someone walk by.  I’ve gotten up to the hundreds before someone has.  I live in a suburb, a quiet little vacation spot. I’ve seen only one person that I know, a woman who became a townie like me.  I still have friends that live in town.  Yet, no one has come to check up on me.  To find out if I’m okay.  No phone calls.  No one knocking on my door.  Of course, I have no idea if they even register if I’m gone.  Perhaps the house has erased me from their memories.  Continuing to isolate me.  I play my game until the sun starts to set.  

That night as I lay in bed with the TV still blaring its static, I hear something.  I’ve been lying in bed listening to it with the lights out.  It’s the slightest hitch in the sound.  A slight rising in the constant static.  It doesn’t sound like anything.  No words.  I lie back down.  I barely sleep the rest of the night.  There’s nothing else of note from the TV in that entire time.

The next morning I go to the door and start playing my game again.  I’ve eaten my one meal of the day.  My mind is groggy from the minimal food and sleep.  Thoughts come slowly.  I’m even having trouble remembering the numbers as I count.  I blink and something has changed again.  There’s a man standing across the street from my house.  He’s dressed in a T-shirt, jeans and leather jacket.  He wears a large preacher’s hat as well.  The brim of it casts shadows over his eyes.  He’s looking at me.  He begins to walk forward.  I jump up and slam the door shut.  I lock it, pull the gun out of my pants, chamber a round and point it at the door.  There’s a window in the top half of the door.  The man steps up onto the front porch.  He comes right up to the glass.  His hat falls onto the back of his head.  I can see his face fully now.  

His skin is a pallid, sickly white.  He’s thin in all his parts.  But it’s the face that causes my hand to shake, my aim being thrown off by it.  The purple lips stretch back in a terrifying grin.  His teeth are a ghastly yellow color.  Rotten and full of cavities in black diseased gums.  His eyeballs are black.  Red dots glow in the center of them.  His hair is blonde and greasy hanging on either side of his head in curtains.  

He places his forehead against the glass.  His hands on either side of his head.  His eyes are staring right into me.  Through his garish smile, he’s laughing.  A wheezing, empty thing.  I’d fire if I thought that I would actually kill him.  He leans back and then slams his face against the glass.  It makes me jump backwards.  The laugh rises in pitch and frequency as his forehead bleeds against the cracks he’s made in the glass.  I pray that the door will hold.  I aim again.  He leans back and slams his head against the glass a second time.   The glass holds even as more cracks appear.  He leans backwards and I figure that he’s going to strike a third time. He steps away from the door and walks back across the street, returning to the spot where he once stood. He doesn’t move again for the rest of the day.  I watch him for a while though the glass of the door, which is repairing itself.  The cracks reforming with ease.  The only evidence that he was ever here is a greasy stain with spots of blood.  

I spend the rest of the day upstairs watching him.  He doesn’t look up but continues to stare at the house.  My thoughts twist in even greater confusion than they did before.  There’s nothing about him that makes me think that he’s here to help me.  The man’s presence has another effect in that it changes my opinion as to what’s happening in my house.  That perhaps the fact that I can’t leave is because my house is protecting me from whatever that man is.  Some demon come to torment me.  To block my escape from the house.  I can’t survive within or out.  I’ll starve in here.  I don’t know what that man will do to me when I leave.  I turn on every light in my house.  I barely sleep again.  More noises amongst the static.  No words.   

The man is still outside of my house.  He hasn’t moved from his vigil.  I didn’t notice it before because I was so focused on the man’s approach but the places on my lawn where that man strode, the grass is now black and dead.  People are still walking down the street.  They pass and he goes unnoticed.  What is this tormentor?  Where did he come from?  I know that he wants to harm me.  There could be no other purpose for him.  I know it’s not death that he has in store for me.  But something far worse.  I have the gun in my hand.  For the second time in as many days, I think about killing myself.  I think about it for a long time.  But there’s a voice in the back of my head that tells me that even if I was to die by my own hand that would not allow me to escape from him or even the house.  I’m trapped.  The idea that I’m not myself returns to me.  That maybe I died and am just a spirit haunting this house.  That man outside is a grim reaper come to claim me.  That thought is foolish though.  If I was dead I wouldn’t feel the constant growling hunger.  I move my bed into the corner so that I can keep an eye on the door.  I plan to sleep with the gun under my pillow.  

It’s then that I notice the hole in my wall.  Whatever damage that man did to my door has been repaired by the house.  But that remains.  I’m struck by sudden inspiration.  That perhaps the walls may not be afflicted by the same strange magic as the doors.  That perhaps using the tools in the basement I can break through a wall and find a different way out.  If nothing else having something to do today has made me happy.    

I close the door until I get to the staircase that leads down to my basement.  I fill my toolbox, shoulder my axe and sledgehammer and leave the basement. I cycle through the doors until I get to my front hall.  It’s then that a new idea enters my mind.  What would happen if I was to remove a door from its hinges.  I make it to the second floor hallway and walk down to one of my guest rooms.  I get to work and within a few minutes, I’m picking up the door and moving it to the side.  

When I look back at the doorway I see that my guest room isn’t beyond it. Instead there’s a long hallway leading into the distance.  At the end of it is the outline of a door framed by white light.  I take a moment to wrap my mind around what I’m seeing.  The impossibility of its existence.  Considering the length of the hallway, it would extend out of my house by about a hundred meters or more.    

I leave most of my tools behind, but keep the axe and pistol.  I start walking.  My mind is so broken at this point that I don’t know how far I go.  I try and figure out based on the number of steps I take.  I stop after awhile.  Besides seeming fruitless, it’s also difficult to keep the count.   Eventually, I get to the end of the hallway.  I see that the light is pouring around the shape of a door.  I place my hand on the doorknob and push it open.  

I step out through a door into a kitchen.  Not my kitchen, though it’s far fancier and more modern.  I turn and the door has closed behind me.  I call out.  Hoping that anyone can hear me.  That someone will answer.  There are four closed doors here.  I hear nothing as well.  No sounds from the street.  There’s a glass sliding door leading out to a patio.  I pull it open and walk through it.  There’s the flash of light.  

When my vision clears, I’m staring at a wall that’s a dark blue color.  This isn’t a room in my house.  I smell something terrible.  I turn around.  

There’s a woman on the bed before me.  She’s clearly dead and has been for some time.  Something has gotten at her.  Her body is opened, something ate into her stomach.  The body has been made ragged from bites.  The eyes are gone. There’s so much blood on the floor and walls.  My bare feet are soaked by it.  I’ll have to remember to clean them when I get back home.  If I get back home.  A foot is gone as well.  

This isn’t how she died though.  There’s a peaceful smile on her face.  A bottle of pills on the nightstand.  She must have OD’d before she was ripped her open.  I bend over and vomit onto the floor.  There’s almost nothing left in the my stomach.  Only black bile came out.  When the sickness subsides I open and close the door a few times until I get back to the kitchen.  

I look around.  There’s no dog bowl in the kitchen.  Something else got to her.  I open up the cabinets and fridge and take what I can to restore my own food reserves.  Putting as many cans and boxes into a pair of reusable bags.  When that’s done, I know that I need to get out of here.  I riffle through the drawers and I eventually find a screwdriver.  I take the door off the hinges and see that the hallway remains.  I look around.  There’s no reason for me to return here. 

I start walking down the hallway again.  I’m halfway through when I hear the noise behind me.  I turn around and the light of the kitchen has been replaced by some other shape.  Something huge, scraping the ceiling of the hallway.  I hear a growling and I start running.  I can’t tell if that’s the beast that feasted on that unknown woman.  I hit the door in front of me and push it open.  I slam it behind me and press my body against it.  I hear something hit on the other side of it.  The door just about shakes off of its hinges.  I hear scratching and scraping on the other side.  A roar of something that sounds enormous reverberates through me.  Eventually, it stops.  

I wonder if the monster is lost in the limbo of the closed doors or if it’s simply decided to stop and wait for me.  I wonder if I was to repeat the removal of a door if the monster would be there.  It doesn’t matter.  That was only one of the plans anyway.  I still have the other.  I’ve been thinking about tunneling out through the basement.  I look out my window to check on the other threat.  The man still stands and stares at my house.  Still unseen by those around him.  There are more dead footprints in my grass.  These ones leading around my house in a circle before cutting a new path back to his position.  Did he sense that I had left the house and come looking for me?  Or was he looking for a new means to enter?  Besides the front and back door, there’s the cellar doors.  I had no plan to try and go out through those.  The plan was to tunnel through the basement wall and up into my backyard.  Hopefully, I could make a run to my car or find someone to help me.  Anything to stay away from that dark figure.    

I open and close the doors, still holding onto my axe and pistol, until I get to the kitchen.  I eat a fair amount of food and then put the rest away.  I cycle the rooms again until I get back upstairs to my hallway.  I pick up the tools and cycle the doors again.  Making sure to open a different room than the guest room in case the monster is there.  I see the basement stairs and am about to go down when I hear something.  A thudding, powerful noise.  It draws closer.  It’s then that I see the monster that pursued me.  It’s about one and a half times as tall as I am.  It’s head scrapes against the ceiling of the basement.  Its body shaped like a bull dog.  It stops and sniffs with an invisible nose.  Then it turns and I see its face.  A cyclops, one red eye with a yellow pupil and black iris.  Its mouth is vertical and full of sharp teeth.  It lets out with the same guttural roar it did when I denied it before. 

Without thinking, I pull the pistol from the back of my pants.  I fire through the entire magazine as it comes pounding up the wooden stairs towards me.  They crack and scream under its weight.  The bullets either go wide in my panic or strike the creature and do nothing.  When hammer falls on nothing and the gun clicks, I back up.  The monster makes a desperate leap for me but I slam the door.  I wonder if it’s now cycling through just like the rooms.  If I’ll open a door and it’ll be in my kitchen or bedroom.  I pull the spare magazine out of my pocket and reload.  I keep a round chambered.  

I’m still in my kitchen with all the doors closed.  I take a deep breath and pull a door open.  It opens to my living room.  I lie on the couch and think about what to do.  It connects to my front hallway without a door, so I make my way upstairs.  The last thing I want to do is spend more time on the bottom floor when the man across the street can get to me.  I know I have to cycle the doors.  I have to find out where the monster is.  The despairing part of me, knows that it doesn’t matter.  That whatever forces are at work could easily kill me at any moment.  Changing the rulesn  to suit their needs.  I cycle the doors, finding nothing in my bathroom, bedroom or kitchen.  It’s then that I think that the doors are still operating on their own bizarre logic.  The monster never went through the door.  It’s stuck in the basement.  Which means that my plan is now untenable.  I get to a window.  The smiling man is still in his position.  As far as I know everything is in its right place.  

I turn on the TV for the static.  The white noise begins but after a few minutes I start hearing the strange upticks in pitch.  It happens in frequently at first but then it begins in quick succession.  The sound is hard to place at first.  A high pitched thud like a heartbeat.  It then begins to go higher until it’s true nature is apparent.  Laughter.  Some strange male voice laughing heartily.  It rises until the voice is nearly shrieking.  I cover my ears to keep it out but this does nothing.  The laughter goes on for long minutes.  Near as I can tell it’s only one voice.  Finally, it subsides and I hear the voice ta ke several gulping breaths.  It then says in a voice that sounds like it has a smile on its face.  

We’re just getting started here, sports fan.  

A few more seconds of laughter and the TV returns to the ambient white noise.  My heart is pounding in my chest.  I’ve gripped the axe until my knuckles go white.  I’m thinking of splitting the TV in two.  Is that the voice of the smiling man?  He laughed as well but that sounded like dried leaves and cancerous lungs.  A wheeze as much as anything.  This was the robust laughter of the mad man.  There was still a throat that could be pained and bloodied from the laughter’s intensity.  Who or whatever that voice was.  That was the voice of my enemy.  I know that in my heart.  

I think about that woman.  The way that she went.  Perhaps it was easier than continuing to try and live.  I’ll never know if she was in the same situation as I was.  Maybe she saw that dog or the man.  She couldn’t handle it.  Wanted to get away from it.  On her own terms.  That sounds nice.  Hell, it sounds great to even think about.  Denying them their dark victory.  Let them have my body but I’ll be far away.  The next time I reach for the gun I’ll use it on myself.  Not waste the bullets on them.  They don’t deserve them.  I laugh for the first time in days.  I must truly be going insane.  

I think about the hole in the wall.  Still the only lasting damage that I’ve been able to do to the house.  I wonder if instead of opening doors, I could go through a wall.  I knock about the wall, hoping to make sure that I don’t hit a load bearer.  I slam the axe into the wall.  The reaction is almost instantaneous.  A scream from an unknown source rips my mind apart with its force.  Its a low pitched wailing thing.  Wordless and ancient feeling.  The house begins to shake.  An earthquake born not from a fault line but something else.  I remove the axe from the wall and everything stops.  The house didn’t like that, is as near an explanation as I can find.  The TV snaps on and the laughter starts again.  I go to it and try to turn it off.  The buttons no longer work.  After about two minutes of the noise, my frustration grows to its zenith and I slam the axe into the TV.  It never stops.  As the pieces of the screen shatter and hit the floor, they continue to show static.  The laughter continues to fill my room.  It continues for a long time.  The voice won’t speak to me anymore but the laughter is bad enough.  I can’t close my ears to it.

Hours pass and the laughter reverberates through the house.  Moving to a different room helps but not by much.  The living room TV turns on and the laughter keeps going.  It’s making it impossible to think.  I scream at the TV.  Demanding answers until my voice goes ragged.  There’s no answer from the cacophony of sound.  

Eventually, I make my way to my medicine cabinet and pull out some cotton balls.  I jam them into my ears until it hurts.  Until I can’t hear anything anymore.  I collapse onto my bed.  The night wears on.  The laughter continuing without stop.  Now just a dull sound through the cotton.  At some point, my body refuses to be awake anymore.  I fall asleep.  I awaken when the sun comes into my eyes.  The laughter is continuing.  I look out the window to do my morning check.  

The smiling man is gone.  

 I pull the gun from my back pocket.  I push open the bedroom door and for once it opens directly to my second floor hallway.  I push open the door to my guest room.  It opens to my guest room.  I move down the hall and open up the door to my bathroom.  It opens to my bathroom.  I go downstairs.  I make my way through the house in two circuits.  The doors are staying open now.  What is happening.  Nothing has changed in regards to the laughter.  It’s still screeching throughout the house.  

Where is the smiling man?  

It’s then that I realize.  I know where he’s been the whole time.  

I turn around.  The smiling man looks down at me.  I point the gun at him and he slaps it out of my hands with ease.  I run.  Blind panic.  I turn a corner into another hallway.  I pull open a door.  

I fall through the broken staircase.  My body being ripped apart by the shreds of it.  When I do hit the floor and feel my arm and leg break against the stone, I’m already bloodied and full of splinters.  I’m gasping through the pain.  

I look and see the creature in the corner of the basement.  It turns towards me, sniffing with its unknown nose.  I think that at least this is a small mercy.  My death will be a physical, finite thing.  A few agonizing second of pain and then nothing.  

The creature doesn’t see the man until it’s too late.  He’s standing beside it.  Still smiling.  The laughter still pouring in from upstairs.  Then he dips his hands into the creature.  There’s no other word for it.  The smoothness of the breaking of that creature’s skin.  The way that they come out covered in blood and flesh with ease.  The creature howls in pain.  The man drives his hands now into it fully and it never appears that he has anymore effort than putting his hands in water.  The creature dies ugly.  Spasming on the floor as blood pours from its mouth.  The man then turns to me.  There’s no escape now.  I’ve lost my race.  

The man grabs me by my unbroken leg.  He starts dragging me towards the cellar doors.  My future is one only of pain and torture.  I start thinking about my house.  How it kept me safe and I violated its sanctity with my axe.  

We’ve reached the cellar steps now.  My head throbs with pain every time it bumps one of them.  The door opens to sunlight and an unknown future.  The laughter from the house has reached a crescendo.  Filling every part of my consciousness.  

Writing Update

I’ve been gone for the last two weeks for a variety of reasons that are more uninteresting than you would expect. But there is something in my life that I think is happening.

I’m going forward with self publishing my first collection of short stories, A Heartbeat in the Darkness. I got the cover from a very good artist and I’m really looking forward to putting it out there. One of the stories will be on my fiction Friday.

As I finish up editing and writing the last stories for it, I’m kind of nervous. I’ve never put myself forth like this before. I recently put out a story and it got slammed by a bunch of people online. It was in a genre that I didn’t really write in before. I have to say that it shooke me a little bit. I’ve never gotten feedback like that.

But I think I’ve learned my lesson. I need to get thicker skin. If I’m going to be on the internet, I need to make sure that I can handle anything. Eventually, I’m probably going to be getting death threats for some of my opinions and writings. What’s that saying, if you’re not pissing off certain shitty people then are you really doing the right thing?

Anyway, I just thought I would give this update on my life. I think my collection is going to be great and hopefully it’ll be really spooky.

Sean Bean was at his best as Boromir

Okay, so I know that everyone is at their best during the Lord of the Rings movies. The visual effects artists, writers, directors, actors, extras, costume and prop designers, everyone. Especially that person that made the one orc that looked like Harvey Weinstein that disgusting pervert.

It’s like I’m seeing double!

But my favorite performance in the first movie is Sean Bean as Boromir. He slays through the whole movie. He sells you on his desperation and though there isn’t a huge amount of dialogue for all the characters, he shows you his entire backstory in what few lines he has.

He’s a man, tired of so many things. He has to fight against Mordor constantly and he gets no help and pushed aside even here among his friends. Suddenly, he sees a treasure that he has heard tales about that could make his life so much easier. Anyone would take it. The fact that he made it as far as he did was a thing of wonder.

Even beyond that, there’s just so much to like. He spars with Merry and Pippin and is concerned when he might have hurt them, he puts a comforting hand on Gimli’s shoulder when Gimli finds his relative dead and has to inform Gandalf that continuing over the mountain will kill the hobbits. When Gandalf is gone, he comforts Frodo and asks that they have a moment to grieve. He treats them a bit like children because maybe that’s how he sees them. It makes you wish he had some of his own…

It’s not just in these moments of kindness that Sean Bean shines. There’s a moment when they’re defending the Mines of Moria where he goes to look out the doors when they hear the orcs approaching. He reports back to the others that they have a cave troll. But he does it in a tone that’s almost like “They have a cave troll, fits perfectly in my week, I tell ya.”

When he gives into the ring’s corruption, it’s not even evil or megalomaniacal. He’s desperate. He immediately regrets it and does his best to save Merry and Pippin. Several arrows thud into him and he dies with his king, Aragorn.

It’s easy to see how this got him Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. They’re similar roles and characters though I think that Boromir is a bit better person.

This is how you write a sympathetic character. This is how you write a betrayal that hurts. You weep for Boromir. You wish he could see home again. To lie among his people. But he won’t. One final heartbreak for a hero.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller Spoiler Review

So, I want to talk about how good this book is and to do that, I’m going to spoil some things. To that end, if you want to read this book, stop reading here and go read it. It’s a great read, I couldn’t get enough of it. Check it out.

Alessandra is a straight up piece of shit and I love her for it. She is self-absorbed, conniving and power hungry. She’s also highly intelligent and charming. She’s been overlooked by her sister and now she wants to step into her own. She has a plan to do this by marrying, fucking and killing the current leader of the world, the Shadow King. Step one of the plan is scamming a bunch of idiots into giving her money and jewels. She uses that to fund her trip and we’re off to the races.

The thing is with this book, is that neither lead are good people. In fact, they’re both monsters that occasionally do nice things for each other. I think that this is great and such a refreshing take on one of these kinds of novels.

Alessandra helps him hunt down and kill the local Robin Hood. Every time the king is displeased some of his servants die. This is against the backdrop of him conquering the world. There’s never a point these two ever get better.

I once had a conversation about Roy from Full Metal Alchemist that my friend didn’t like that he was so charming despite committing so many war crimes. My other friend countered that that was the point. He came back from the war and put his uniform on and makes you forget. That’s what real monsters do.

Alessandra and Kallias do the same thing, they make you forget they’re terrible by being nice… to one another. Everyone else to them is disposable.

Yet, I couldn’t stop reading. The writing was so excellent, each twist drew me further into the book. It was phenomenal.

The only minor complaint I can have is that it felt like Alessandra got out of certain trouble a bit too easily. It kind of reminded me of Josh Hartnett’s character in the movie Trap(2024). When that happened it didn’t make me think that she was that smart or resourceful. But there are other moments where her intelligence does shine through. So, maybe it evens out.

This whole book reminded me of the tone of Creep by Lygia Day Penaflor. Where the narrator helps draw you in with what’s going on and you start understanding, accepting and somewhat even encouraging the terrible things the narrator’s doing until you shake your head and remember no this is bad. It’s good for us to have books like this where terrible behavior isn’t excused. The author just presents it and you get to make your own choice.

In short, highly recommend. Five stars, 10/10, check it out.

Our Perfect Gentlemen

(This is a preview of one of the stories that’s going to be in my collection of horror stories entitled A Heartbeat in the Darkness.)

It was an unfortunate thing that most people were happy about the missing child posters.  Though they would never say such a thing to the distraught parents.  They would place their hands on their arms and say it was such a tragedy and they were in their thoughts.  Meanwhile saying good riddance behind their backs at various social functions.  The one bit of sorrow was that their older daughter still wandered the streets putting up the signs.  A hopeless endeavor.  It made them sad because she was a good girl, so different than her brother.  People liked her.  Maybe if they had liked him a little bit more.  He wouldn’t have turned out this way.  

Or maybe he just needed a firmer hand than his parents had been willing to use.  At least that’s what the Pince sisters thought.  Two older women who had relaxed into a life of retirement with a nice little nest egg.  He was their current house guest.  Wasn’t he just so fine now, sitting in their living room across from them.  Serving them tea.  His smile so much better than that nasty look he had on his face at all times before.  Constantly frowning, constantly smirking and giving people the finger.  What a naughty little boy he had been.  

They had fixed it.  It had taken quite a bit of work but they had fixed it.  Just like that they had so many times in the past.  They had this down to a perfect science.  He would be their house guest for as long as they could keep him.  Not that anyone ever left by choice.

Night came and so the two sisters retired up to bed.  Leaving him downstairs by himself.  One of them gave a quick flick to the machinery on the wall.  It spun and the resulting slackening was near instantaneous.  

The young man’s arms fell to his sides, his mouth finally fell away from the rictus smile that it had been forced into throughout the day.  It was hard to decide which was the worse pain.  The ones in his arms, mouth or in his cut achilles tendons.  The rings that had been sewn into his skin and then laced with fine piano wires ached.  He was made uncomfortable by the IVs that fed him as there was no longer any use for his super glued together teeth.  

He sat like a doll that had been left in the corner.  His body limp and useless.  There was no escape.  No way to get out of here.  He remembered the day that he had broken in here.  Looking for something of value to steal and sell.  How he hadn’t heard the one sister behind him before she struck him with the encyclopedia.  Knocking him unconscious.  Where had she gotten that strength?  

He had woken up this way.  Covered in the rings.  His jaw clamped together.  They had kept him like a toy ever since.  That had been months ago.  He assumed that they had killed their husbands.  Were living off the life insurance policies.  How else could they have afforded this?  

He slept fitfully this night and every night.  His body wrapped up in its various pains and discomforts.  The next morning, he rose with the sun in his eyes.  But the women weren’t there.  He couldn’t hear them.  The day passed.  The IVs ran dry.  Still no sign of them.  There hadn’t been a day when they hadn’t come down to torture him and play out their sick fantasy so what had happened?  

Night came again.  He wondered if this was some trick.  If they were going to come back and hurt him in some way.  He sat.  A second day and night passed.  No sign of them.  By the third morning, he figured that they had died in their sleep two days ago.  Good riddance, you god damn monsters, he thought.  He knew he had to go now.  He knew there was only way to exit.  

He bent his body forward and began to pull.  

Stagnation

For the last three years, I’ve been trying to move out of my old apartment to finally live on my own. I’m not upset by the amount of time it took, I liked living with the various roommates I’ve had throughout the years but now it’s time for me to be on my own. Since I’ve been living on my own, I’m never going back. I will never live with another person again unless I’m in love or that person is need.

However, my last big endeavor was getting my degree in IT. I did that and that led to the job I have now and my moving out on my own.

Over the weekend, I was enjoying Star Trek: Lower Decks and doing puzzles. I finished with that and started to go into my room to play some Persona 3. It was then that I stopped myself and thought. I don’t have an actual goal. In that moment, I felt so lost and afloat.

Fortunately, several decades of therapy have prepared me for moments like this. I thought about that thought. Where did it come from?

I think it came from the idea that I was stagnating. That I wasn’t moving forward anymore. That there was no direction forward.

So, as I played Persona 3 because if I’m not going to figure out Tartarus who is? I thought about the next goal. First, I would like to move forward in my career at some point. Secondly, I would like to go to Maine and to Acadia national park to hike its many trails. For that I would need to train. Thirdly, I would like for someone to read my books and tell me that they like them. Whether that’s self published or through a publishing company.

Even if I hadn’t come up with this, I think that it’s important to have some kind of destination in mind. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to run the race. Just that you have a finish line. Something to go for.

I’ll let you know how this goes. The steps I’m taking, this website being one of them, to get to my various goals.

A Moment in the Lives of Two Early Risers

The sound of her leather jacket was soothing. She had done her makeup the night before and put her hair into a bun on top of her head. Wrapping it with a bandana. There was the crunch of gravel underneath her feet as she walked into the convenience store.

There was an old man standing behind the counter. He was reading a paperback novel. There was music playing on the overhead speakers. Given that it was morning, she bought a small sleeve of donuts. He had a pot of coffee going and she poured herself a cup. Adding her sugar and cream, she approached the counter.

“Morning,” he said setting down his novel.

“Good morning,” she said.

He looked at Julia. She was young, somewhere in her early twenties. She had bright red lipstick and her skin was pale. She wore a buttoned down dark blue shirt with white polka dots tied at the waist. Black boots and black leggings.

She glanced at him. He had a Santa quality about him. Was probably a grandpa. He wore a black Motley Crue T-shirt and jeans. He had tiny reading glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

He glanced at the clock. It was five in the morning.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what’re you doing up so early, dressed so fine?” he asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Julia said. “Thought I would take my bike out for a ride. Go see the sun rise.”

“That sounds like a helluva morning,” the old man said.

“I noticed your sign has different hours. You shouldn’t be open this early.”

“Couldn’t sleep so I figured I could make some money to early risers like yourself.”

“That’s fair.”

“Where are you heading to see the sunrise?”

“West Quoddy Head lighthouse. I’m racing the sun.”

“Funny, isn’t it? The most eastern point in America is called West Quoddy. Interesting.”

She held out a twenty.

“Keep it,” he said. “You have a good ride. Wish I was your age again. Sounds like you’re having fun.”

“I am and I don’t want to short a small business, especially one run by such a gentleman,” Julia said.

“Fair enough.”

He took the cash and gave her her change. She offered her hand and the took shook. She walked out of the store and threw her leg over her bike. She started it up, revved the engine and took off down the road.

The road to the lighthouse needed people to be wide awake. The coffee was a boon to her. She got to the lighthouse and parked her bike in the parking lot. She climbed the small hill and waited.

There were others there with her. They were doing the same. Waiting for the sun. Waiting for a new day full of promise.

She thought about the breakup that she had gone through recently. How for so long, she had felt wrong and foolish for breaking up with him. He had done such a good job putting her down. Trying to dampen her light. Now though, as the sun rose turning the sky pink. The feel of the sea on her face, she felt alive again. Light and beautiful. She raised her cup to the sun and hoped that the old man at the convenience store had a good day as well.

The next day was rainy and cloudy. The day after promised clear skies.

Because of this, an older gentleman, white of beard and aching in his bones rolled a motorcycle out of his garage. An older but slightly younger woman, not used to being awake at this time of day but happy that her husband was happy, came walking out of the house securing a helmet over her hair.

“Let’s go, mama,” he said.

They drove into the coming dawn. They saw the sunrise. They hit the road again. They saw where the day could take them.

Should I Still Be Embarrassed Writing Fanfiction?

I have written fanfiction since I was thirteen years old. I told no one for years. I still don’t tell that many people. But I just watched a movie called Turtles All the Way Down where Star Wars fanfiction features heavily into it.

Is fanfiction cool now? I severely doubt it but I wonder… because we’ve seen fanfiction go mainstream. Fifty Shades of Grey became one of the biggest franchises in bad BDSM history and it’s just Twilight fanfiction. Ditto the After series, which is just Harry Styles fanfiction(If I was Harry Styles, I would totally sue for that). Cassandra Clare and Sarah Rees Brennan got their start writing fanfiction too.

I read a few articles about the subject and they all come down to the same thing. Writing is writing and it’s good or bad. We should be celebrating people being creative, not shame them for it.

However, much like how DND has become more mainstream, there is something that is still considered nerdier than it. LARPing. Disclaimer that I want to try LARPing and play an NPC that never goes on adventures. I just want to be a barkeep that offers quests to people and never leaves his bar or an item shop owner. Seems like a nice peaceful life.

Discretion over, my LARPing in the fanfiction world is real person fanfiction. There’s just something too parasocial and offputting when you write about real people.

Though to be fair, another great work, Dante’s Inferno is real person self insert fanfiction. Where Dante is like “I met Vergil and we became best friends and also I saw all these people that didn’t like me in hell”. So, maybe it’s not my cup of tea because I’m too blind to it.

There might come a day that I’ll feel confident enough to share one of my fanfics on this blog. Put my full name on it. Today isn’t that day. But for those that are able to do it, I salute you.

And hey, if you’ve written your own fanfiction and want to share, leave a comment with the link.

If you haven’t written fanfiction, go forth and do so! Get weird with it.