Let’s talk about the Elephant in the room

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The elephant is not my terrible update consistency recently, which is something that I need to work on. But I’m going to work on it and fix it. Instead, I want to talk about a different Elephant.

For readers of this blog, you’ll know that I’m trying to listen to at least one hundred albums I haven’t listened to before. One of the benefits besides finding new music is that I’ve been listening to more music than I have recently. It’s helped me move away from my habit of rewatching videos that I’ve seen a thousand times.

However, now that I’m writing this, I realize that I’m just listening to songs that I’ve heard a thousand times before. To be fair, I don’t listen to that much Dreamtheater so the time sink isn’t that much. Maybe three or four minutes.

And while I feel like I’m wasting my time rewatching the same videos, listening to the same songs makes me feel like a warm blanket is being wrapped around me. It reminds me of different times, not always the best but… different.

To that end, while I was on my walk I started listening to tracks from the White Stripes’ Elephant. It reminded me how good that album is from start to finish. So, I decided in a new segment to break down every track on the album and my feelings on it.

  1. Seven Nation Army
    I mean, come on, it’s the hit. The biggest hit of the White Stripes’ history. It starts with that sneaky guitar sounding like a bass. It then cuts into some excellent solos as Jack rides up and down the octaves like he’s surfing. I know that he used a Digitech whammy pedal that he would eventually develop his own dual version of later down the line. There’s not much to say about it except that it makes perfect sense that it became staple at sporting events and was going to be a possible James Bond movie opening. Jack would later do an intro to Quantum of Solace with Alicia Keys, which was the only good thing about that movie.
  2. Black Math
    This is classic White Stripes. A song that features roaring guitars and the childhood nostalgia that makes up a lot of their songs like Apple Blossom and I Can Tell That We’re Gonna Be Friends. This one features another octave blazing solo before Jack comes back in with a tempo and melody change. He brings it home towards the end. I used to be able to play this on the guitar and it was so fun.
  3. There’s No Home For You Here
    One of the best breakup songs ever written in my opinion. It feels so dispassionate but personal in the way that most relationships feel at the end. “I’m only waiting for the proper time to tell you that it’s impossible to get along with you”. Dang that’s cold. The thing is that the choral parts of this is that the album was recorded at a studio that featured lo-fi throwback equipment. It was recorded all on eight tracks with nothing pass the year 1963. So, while on a normal laptop this would take mere minutes, this effect was a lot of work.
  4. I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
    This is a cover of a Dusty Springfield song and it just goes to show the timelessness of Burt Bacharach’s writing. It’s a solid song but I just don’t have that much to say about it. It’s just a straight forward cover. Confusingly, the video had Kate Moss pole dancing in her drawers. I don’t understand, did we both have too much money to book her and run out of money to do anything bigger?
  5. In the Cold, Cold Night
    Meg takes the stage on this one. Famously shy, her voice never gets that big or wild. But she that fits the song better in my opinion. The lyrics point out that she’s still a girl on the edge of womanhood trying to fall for a man that’s bad for her. Pretty classic setup and a reverse of male rock stars complaining that the girl is only 17 but they can’t wait that long because they’re pedophiles. There are no drums and the guitar is sparse as well. There is a solo in this but it’s a rumbling organ that brings some extra texture to the song.
  6. I Want to be the Boy to Warm Your Mother’s Heart
    This is my favorite track on what’s already a great album. The song features the most piano work on the entire album. The song is about the narrator trying to win over his partner’s mother. As we get through the song we do get a warm and buttery guitar solo. It’s a great song through and through.
  7. You’ve Got Her in Your Pocket
    This is what I would say is the weakest song on the album. It’s not that bad but it does take the album out of all killer, no filler. It’s just kind of slow and boring and there’s no Meg White on it. Skip.
  8. Ball and Biscuit
    Sometimes if you’re one of the greatest guitarists in recent memory you need a song that you can just let loose on. White Stripes were notorious for jamming during shows. This just gave Jack the excuse. The lyrics are probably the most suggestive that I’ve heard from the White Stripes. Jack White cooing if I want a ball and a biscuit. Plus, he wants to get clean with me. You know what that means, wink. This song rules, it’s one of the longest at about eight minutes but the whole thing is worth listening to.
  9. Hardest Button to Button
    The White Stripes had an early single called Hand Springs about getting angry while playing pinball. It was fairly simple, a single chord played during the verses and then some variation in between. This has a similar feel, thumping guitar and drums but as the song goes up and down throughout. The video for this is great where amps and drums appear as the two play. Apparently, Jack White didn’t like the concept that the video director, Michel Gondry put forth so, he started messing with the takes. Michel thinks it actually made the video better. They donated the amps and drum sets to a music school afterwards. The Stripes have a knack for making something simple into something incredible. That partly explains Meg’s drumming. You don’t need much for songs this good.
  10. Little Acorns
    A song with audio from some kind of ancient self help movie talking about Janet learning from the squirrels, which is a line I would put in as a joke most other places. This intro makes me think about the Union Forever, a song from White Blood Cells where Jack took lines from Citizen Kane and turned them into one of their best songs. It’s also because this song has a kind of darker feel towards it. Kind of oppressive.
  11. Hypnotize
    If Little Acorns is dark and oppressive, Hypnotize is lighthearted and playful. Reminds of a song from the sixties, just frolicking and getting to the point. No complicated solos here, just between the two verses we’re going to hit that fuzz pedal and hit you with some E chords.
  12. The Air Near My Fingers
    I was going to be dismissive of this track as not one of my favorites but a re-listen made me reconsider. This one features something new, both organ and guitar being played at the same time, this rarely happened on Stripes’ songs because Jack always seemed to keep in mind how he was going to play them live. It would be unthinkable to bring anyone else out on stage, so you never knew what he was going to do with songs like this. Things would change down the line on Get Behind Me Satan and Icky Thump. But at the time, this was a surprise to me. It’s a song that feels like you’re walking down the street with change in your pocket. You got some options and it’s time to have some fun.
  13. Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine
    Jack has gone on to say that he really doesn’t like this song. I can see why, he’s also taken a fairly feminist route to his songwriting and this one does seem to blame the narrator’s female cohort for a lot of things. It’s still a great song with a great solo in the middle of it. I was going to say that you could slow down the track, switch out the electric guitar for an acoustic and boom you’d have a Johnathon Richman song. But then I thought about it some more and realized that the writer of “The Girl Stands Up to Me Now” and “Not a Plus One on the Guest List Anymore” wouldn’t want to do this either.
  14. It’s True We Love One Another
    A song where Jack and Meg play themselves and sing along with Holly Golightly. The three of them discuss the love between Holly and Jack, with Meg stating that Jack annoys her. Personally, I love songs like this where the singers are basically part of the story. Maybe it’s why I’m such a Swiftie. Anyway, like a lot of the end songs on White Stripes’ albums, it’s a quiet and gentle outro. Between the others, This Protector, Effect and Cause this is one of my favorites.

So, in the end, I have to say still a ten out of ten album. Give it a listen to when you get a chance.

Is Scrabble just reverse crosswords?

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I’ve been playing Words with Friends and I really enjoy it. Except for those people/possibly computers that play words right up against other words. Give me some room to work, asshats.

Now, whenever I like something, I like to think about the reasons that I like it. It helps me figure out what I can make that other people like. Because I’m a normal person that enjoys normal things in normal ways.

So, I started thinking about Words With Friends and that led me to Scrabble and that made me think, is Scrabble just reverse crosswords? I love crosswords and am I just building the weirdest one in the world?

Like check that out, you could just easily turn that into a crossword puzzle. What if I’ve cracked the code and that’s how crosswords have been made for years. Two people playing Scrabble and then they’re like, “Fuck it, good enough. Send it to the Times.”

I know that’s not true. Puzzlemasters are probably much smarter than me. I’m sure that they put in a lot more work than I could even imagine.

Writing Update

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I’ve been gone for the last two weeks for a variety of reasons that are more uninteresting than you would expect. But there is something in my life that I think is happening.

I’m going forward with self publishing my first collection of short stories, A Heartbeat in the Darkness. I got the cover from a very good artist and I’m really looking forward to putting it out there. One of the stories will be on my fiction Friday.

As I finish up editing and writing the last stories for it, I’m kind of nervous. I’ve never put myself forth like this before. I recently put out a story and it got slammed by a bunch of people online. It was in a genre that I didn’t really write in before. I have to say that it shooke me a little bit. I’ve never gotten feedback like that.

But I think I’ve learned my lesson. I need to get thicker skin. If I’m going to be on the internet, I need to make sure that I can handle anything. Eventually, I’m probably going to be getting death threats for some of my opinions and writings. What’s that saying, if you’re not pissing off certain shitty people then are you really doing the right thing?

Anyway, I just thought I would give this update on my life. I think my collection is going to be great and hopefully it’ll be really spooky.

The First Ten Albums of the Year

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So, if you’ve followed this blog from last year, I try and listen to at least 100 albums I’ve never listened to before. I didn’t have time to break down my feelings on each one so I decided to break them up into ten articles as I get through them. So, here are the first ten.

  1. Charli XCX- Brat

I’ve never been to the club but I feel like this is what it would feel like. Fun, upbeat, sexy, but with a certain sadness when you get into the dark corners and the lights start to dim at the end of the night. Charli brings the attitude along with her talent on every song. The only reason I don’t remember the songs better than I do is because I listened to this on New Year’s Day after a wild night of making tacos and going to bed early. A solid album.

2. Jeff Buckley- Grace

A classic album and for a reason. There’s nothing but heartfelt vulnerability here and of course, the career defining cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah. They talk about fidelity and ideal ways to listen to albums. I feel like the way I’m supposed to listen to this album is while I’m comforting Jeff Buckley and he’s singing into a microphone on my chest while he cries.

3. Simon and Garfunkel- Bridge Over Troubled Water

Look at these two nerds that sing like angels. This is a well worn sweater of an album with finger picking that sounds like a mountain stream and vocal harmonies that would make the Beach Boys envious. The two are masters and this is them at the height of their power.

4. Beth May- Sunday Scaries

I knew Beth May from her work with Dungeons and Daddies and checked out her poetry book, The Immortal Soul Salvage-Yard. I listened to that album because I knew that I wanted to hear the poetry as Beth thought it should be. These poems are expert wordplay on top of heartbreaking topics such as womanhood and mental health and how the two intertwine and both cause damage.

5. and 6. Sebadoh- Bakesale and Secret EP

I was out for a walk and listened to these two back to back. The first bakesale was released in 1994 and is just some good solid 90s grunge-y rock. Great riffs and arrangements all the way through. Nearly twenty years later we get the Secret EP that shows that the band has grown and embraced modern influences but still has that grunge ethos along for the ride. Good to hear just some normal guitar rock.

7. Bjork- Debut

Okay this one has to come with a disclaimer. I really liked it. But I’m a bit weird and Bjork’s very weird and we kind of clicked that way. It’s a really good album. But it’s really weird. Just give it a shot. Please. Do it for Bjork.

8. Garbage- Not Your Kind of People

Shirley Manson is going to go down as one of the most underrated singers of our generation. She has consistently put out solid work with Garbage. She embraces the outsider but unlike others who use that as a reason to be turn away from the mainstream, she stands in defiance of it. She truly doesn’t sound like she gives a shit about me. The eponymous song tells me that’s exactly it. Synth rock/pop for those that love good music.

9. Beck- The Information

Fuck. I really wanted to like this album. Both when it first came out and now. Age didn’t help it. The thing is that if this was any other band, it would be amazing. But this is Beck. Odelay. Sea Change. Guero. Midnite Vultures. Mutations. All of them, solid, solid albums. So, that’s why this one left me kind of cold. Sorry, buddy. You’re still my favorite, Beck.

10. The Hives- Barely Legal

Do you like bratty punk rock? Do you like fun songs? Do you like bands playing as fast as they can? That’s what this album is. It’s the intro to what would eventually be an amazing run of albums.

Sinners Review- What’s better than one Michael B. Jordan? Two Michael B. Jordans!

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I went to go see the movie, Sinners and it was phenomenal. Expertly shot, directed, paced and acted. Everyone is bringing their A game in this. This is the spoiler free part of the review, so go see it. Stop reading and go see it.

***SPOILERS***

The opening monologue talks about spirit singers who were able to converse with the voices of the past and future. That this has gone on through a variety of cultures. We then see a young man walking into a church holding a broken guitar neck. His father is preaching and tells him to accept the word of God. It is a harrowing scene and Sammie(Miles Caton) easily sells how broken and desperate he is.

We flashback to a day before and we see that our primary focus is going to be three men, a pair of twin brothers who are veterans and gangsters by the name of Smoke and Stack(played by Michael B. Jordan). They’re returning to their hometown to open up a juke joint for the local population based out of an abandoned saw mill owned by a racist white man. They know that Sammie is a whiz on a guitar and recruit him first. From there, we see the two brothers’ reputation both personal and professional. A pair of young men try to rob their truck. Smoke shoots both of them non-lethally to make sure that people know what happens when you try and rob the brothers. They hire a pianist named Delta Slim(Delroy Lindo) and Sammie becomes infatuated with a singer named Pearline(Jayme Lawson) who he invites to the juke joint’s opening night.

The personal is that Stack had abandoned a young woman named Mary(played by Hailee Steinfeld) who passes for white. This leads to a lot of possibly dangerous scenarios when she oversteps the boundaries of normal race relations. She is none too happy with him. Smoke on the other hand, visits his estranged wife. They have a confrontation over his departure and how they both still love each other. Annie(Wunmi Mosaku) is a practitioner of Hoodoo and herbalism. She’s signed on as a cook for the juke joint. The lesser lights are Bo and Grace Chow(Yao and Li Jun Li respectively) who are suppliers for the joint and run the gambling tables and Cornbread(Omar Miller) to act as a bouncer.

From there, the movie kicks it into high gear. We see our villain, Remmick(Jack O’Connell) arrive at the house of a pair of KKK members being pursued by some Choctaw vampire hunters. He turns the couple after they rid him of his pursuers.

Our board is set and if you know anything about history, you know that black people in the south aren’t safe. There is always violence or the threat of violence. We got that in the beginning of the day when Smoke and Stack bought the saw mill. The racist white man they bought the saw mill from was clearly awful. We’ll get back to him soon.

The party looks like it’s rocking. We got a career defining long take shot of Sammie’s performance as he summons the spirits of past, present and future. Music is life and it fills the saw mill with it.

However, vampires feed off and destroy life and that draws Remmick and his cohorts in. They begin to turn the crowd in drips and drabs and then a flood leading only a few patrons left to defend the bar. The movie at this point feels like we’re seeing a thunderstorm flowing in. When the lightning hits, it fucking hits. The battle is bloody and brutal. But you feel some kind of relaxation at finally getting into it. It’s almost a relief.

In the end, there are only about four survivors, Mary and Stack both turned into vampires and Smoke and Sammie. Smoke sends Sammie away because he learned from Remmick that the Klan is coming to kill all of them. We’re brought to the beginning of the movie and Sammie flees the church as much as he fled the vampires.

Smoke kills the entirety of the Klan easily but one of those assholes gets off a lucky shot and mortally wounds our hero. The audience cheered at this part of the movie and this is how I believe every movie should end.

I was light with the details because I want anyone to read this to go and make their own decisions about it. What you’re getting if you watch this film is a skilled hand in Coogler directing a cast that is bursting with talent. There are few movies I’ve ever seen where it feels like nothing was excessive. Where it felt so airtight and effortless. Go see this as soon as you can.

Finding My Religion

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When I was younger, I became depressed. At the time, the internet was non-existent and I didn’t know who or what to turn to. I knew that God was supposed to be by my side through all things, so I reached out to him. I prayed and thought that ‘hey, maybe if I’m a good person, God will take this pain away from me’.

It didn’t happen. Eventually, I gave up on waiting for my sadness to dissipate and started triaging it. I found ways around it and to kept it secret. Eventually, my faith just kind of leaked away. I figured if God existed They didn’t care that much about me.

It never turned into bitterness, I mostly just talked about God like an ex that I had a good co-parenting relationship with. I just went about my business and They went about theirs.

I thought of God in sometimes contradictory terms, influenced by the things I read and watched. I thought about the story of Job and wondered how God could do that to one of his believers. I thought about Inman in Cold Mountain wondering what kind of mind had to exist to create something like pain and that God must be tired of being called down on both sides of a conflict. The song A Battle Hymn For Children by the Faint “If it’s true that God roots for the U.S.A/Is every bomb we drop in God’s name?”

I felt a loss though. Something was inside of me and it wasn’t there anymore. In the words of Leoben from Battlestar Galactica, “What is the most basic article of faith? This is not all that we are.”

That was gone. It was there and it wasn’t.

I was okay with that though. I thought about doing the right thing and helping people. That became my guiding star. And that’s when I found out about the concept of humanism.

That one made perfect sense to me. For those that don’t know, humanists, at least in my understanding, believe that every person has fundamental human rights and deserves to be free and happy. You should do good for everyone without the expectation of going to heaven.

When I read that, it felt right. It felt good. It had always felt off to do something because I was promised the eternal reward of heaven. If that’s what drives you on, so be it. But’s not for me. I want to exist. I want to no longer exist. Simple as that. Hopefully, I’ll do some good in the meantime.

However, I have been looking for community. I’ve missed the feeling of belonging to something. I’ve done that in the past, as part of a community service fraternity and a feminist group. To that end, I’ve been thinking about going to the church of the Universal Unitarians.

When I get a chance, I’m going to go to a service. I’ll let you know how it goes. R.E.M play me out.

Monologue as I am Eaten by a Tiger

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“Well, buddy, I had a good run. God, you’re beautiful. I don’t know if you’re male or female. But I hope female. I hope I’m feeding another generation of you majestic creatures. You know I had hopes and dreams. But sometimes they don’t work out. Sometimes, only one dream works out. This is that dream. God, I’m glad I’m not getting eaten by something lame like a human. You’re a dream of muscle and grace. Yet, you still maintain your cuteness. I would snuggle the fuck out of you if I hadn’t broken my leg trying to run from you. What a fruitless gesture. I’m not even sick or weak like your other prey. I was in fine health. You’re just my better. That’s it bat me around if you want to. I don’t care. This might hurt but I will be part of you. I will nourish a creature that is my better. Well, I’ve come to rest here in this jungle. You’re opening your mouth now. It’s been an honor.”

Chomp.

Another Gender Switch

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So, I wrote on Tuesday the reason I think the Silver Surfer was changed to being a woman. Maybe I was too harsh but the fact of the matter, is that Johnny Storm is too horny and more often than not is paired up with extraterrestrial beings whether they be Skrulls or Inhumans or whatever.

But we know that this isn’t the first time we’ve had a gender swap to indicate a different universe. Let’s turn the clock back to Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse. We see this woman early in the film, she has a kind of Bill Nye show that Miles is watching in class.

She looks like a more realistic version of Ms. Frizzle. Speaking of which, why was it Ms. Frizzle? What the fuck is wrong with people in that universe? Why wouldn’t they wife her up as soon as they could. You gotta lock down Ms. Frizzle as fast you can if you’re dating her.

Anyway, you see her at the lab that the Spider-men need to infiltrate. She catches Peter B. Parker standing around and pulls up his mask realizing that he’s from a different dimension. She mentions how he’s going to die painfully and she can’t wait for it. Throwing off her labcoat, she reveals that her full name is Dr. Olivia Octavius.

It is a stunning reveal and I’m so glad I wasn’t spoiled for it. But thinking about it, they never point out that her father was Doc Ock or anything like that. She could just be the main octopus themed villain of that universe.

And she is effective in how scary she is. A lot of it has to do with Kathryn Hahn’s impeccable vocal performance. It’s the reason she was also so affecting as Agatha from Wandavision.

That’s why probably they made the Silver Surfer a lady as they’ve said that the Fantastic Four movie takes place in a different universe. They’ll probably put the male Silver Surfer in the mainstream universe.

Whatever the reason, I don’t give a fuck. Mix and match them. Remix them. Comics are fluid and so is gender.

None of it matters as long as the character is well written and fun. And you know what changing these characters does? It gives more people an in, which means more people into this thing that I love. More diversity means better stories and a wider world both for those in fiction and for ourselves.

The New Silver Surfer

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Somewhere someone is making a terrible youtube video about wokeness and other bullshit regarding the fact that the new Silver Surfer is a woman. It’s really stupid.

My thoughts, it doesn’t matter if the Silver Surfer is male or female, the character just has to wrestle with the moral conundrum of bringing the big purple dude to planets to munch.

But really, we all know the reason for the Silver Surfer to be female. It’s so that the Human Torch can date her. The Human Torch has a habit of dating women from space so it makes sense for him to be into her. Besides look at this photo.

That’s a, “I saw her across the room” look. I’m calling it. Let’s see if I’m right.

Mogwai are Biological Weapons

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So, the movie Gremlins, showed us creatures known as Mogwai and their offshoots known as Gremlins. The rules are simple, don’t get them wet or they’ll multiply and don’t feed them after midnight.

A lot of people don’t know what constitutes after midnight. I believe it’s the time between midnight and four am. Four am to eight am is dawn. Eight to noon is morning. Noon to five is afternoon. Five to nine is evening. Nine to midnight is night. That’s the concept I’m working with.

But these things aren’t furbies, they have minds of their own. They are ready to come over here and break all the rules.

The question though is why did that racial stereotype give Randall the Mogwai in the first place? Simple, he was a mercenary. He was hired by America’s enemies to test out a new weapon on our shores. We were in the middle of the Cold War. What better than an enemy that would destroy everything without a thought?

Look at them. They’re designed to make you want to take care of them. That’s perfect for infiltrating populations particularly through children. That’s insidious. Billy fell in love with the stupid thing.

How do you get more of them? You pour water on them. The most plentiful substance on the planet. Get them near a shore, say New York City and suddenly you have an army ready to go.

That brings me to another thought, do Mogwai follow Doctor Who rules? For those that don’t know, when the Doctor is fatally injured but not dead, he regenerates into a new form. However, if he’s killed before regenerating. He’s dead permanently.

I wonder if you drowned a Mogwai could you stop the multiplication or would they just burst from the body to go forth.

Anyway, you have these creatures that find ways to eat after midnight. Once they do so, they become the horrible monsters and they’re ready to destroy.

I was terrified of Gremlins as a child. Now I know why. I saw their true face.