Tag Archives: rpgs

My friends ruined Baldur’s Gate 3 for me

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This is going to be a post where I complain about something that I’m very lucky to have, which is a consistent DND group. I know for a lot of people, it’s something they can only wish for.

We’ve been playing together for about nine years, maybe more. People have come and gone but we’ve been pretty consistent for the most part. Considering how long I’ve been playing this game, you could say I have a particular fondness for it. So, when the money was right, I picked up Baldur’s Gate 3 because it was just more DND. I should have loved it.

I started playing it and got through the introduction off of the mind flayer’s ship and started assembling my party. It’s fun and a well made game. The story seems like it’s going to be engrossing. I’ve heard how much people love these characters.

But I found myself after two hours in, starting to get tired of it. I wasn’t disliking playing it but I just couldn’t get myself over the hill on it. I went back to playing Skyrim and modding the hell out of that when it hit me.

It wasn’t what DND is to me.

DND is a collaborative storytelling tool that everyone gets to get a hand on. And the hands that add to my stew are not expert but they know how to make that stew tasty as hell.

I won’t name names but I have one that I call Big Moves because throughout our current campaign, she has consistently made moves that have made me have to upend everything I’ve done. I showed them this portal that would take them to a different world where they could do things. She thought that no one should have that much power and blew it the hell up. The person creating the portal is now an enemy.

Did it annoy and shock me at the time? Of course, but it opens up new opportunities for me.

Then we have our resident murderhobo who I rolled a random encounter and they immediately robbed him. They took the salted beef and onions he had. Mostly out of spite for not having better things. She has blown up her fellow adventurers on multiple occasions.

Then we have the guy who I’ve turned into John Hammond and his ex into Ian Malcolm as they argue about the ethics of cloning and DNA manipulation. He has a suit made of flowers that acts like Iron Man armor.

Then we have the Luxodon dominatrix/inventor who has recently decided to multiclass into bard and use the language of dance to showcase their bardic abilities. Her mom is Dolly Parton from the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Why? Don’t worry about it. She has flying sex toys that she uses to attack people.

We have the Haregon ninja assassin who tried to swim into a shark’s mouth and got chomped in half when he rolled a nat 1 on his dexterity check. He got better.

Finally, we have a tabaxi cleric that tries desperately to get them to act civilly. It hasn’t worked.

I gave them this airship:

So, cool.

They named it the Good Ship Lollipop.

For me, I think the problem with Baldur’s Gate 3 is that it reflects a future that I don’t want. One where I’m playing DND without these people. When I play it, I just miss my friends.

Some of My Favorite RPG First Enemies

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So, you’re an adventurer that’s setting out from your most likely recently burned down village. Maybe you got exiled. Who knows. You’re going to encounter monsters on the road. What they’re going to be varies from game to game but for the most part you’re going to easily be able to strike them down.

Despite this, they serve an important role. They’re there to show you how to fight and how the mechanics work. They’re the unsung heroes of the RPG world. So, I want to take some time to highlight some of my favorites.

  1. The Rabite from Secret of Mana

WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT THESE THINGS? They’re not going to be the only cute thing that I have to kill on this list but they’re extra cute the way they hop around. They will do a little tackle on you but who can blame them? They just want to be your friend. Still, I done smacked them down. They usually left behind candy. Just great little friends.

2. Rattatas and Pidgeys- Pokemon Red/Blue/Green and FireRed/LeafGreen

It’s luck of the draw, depending on which one of these that you get when you first leave Pallet Town. But both of them are wonderful to run into, because unlike a lot of the other monsters on this list, these are waiting to be your friends. Usually, my first Pidgey becomes my main form of transportation as I fly across the map. Meanwhile, Rattata became a Raticate and his hyper fang carried me through a good portion of the game.

They were also the first two Pokemon I ever caught in my entire Pokemon career. And you never forget your first.

3. Slimes From Breath of Fire

A normal ass slime that has no features. He’s just kind of there to get hit and disappear. Later in the game you encounter gold slimes who give you plentiful amounts of experience and money. No bells and whistles to it. So, why would I even put this on the list? To showcase the next entry.

4. Slime From Dragon Quest

I have killed a lot of these little guys and I hate it every time. Look at that face! He’s just here to be a little guy. It just has so much personality. It makes sense that this little guy became the face of the franchise. So cute. Love you, slime! Thank you for all your hard work.

Now the question is, whose cuter? This slime or the rabite? I can’t choose. You can’t make me!

(It was then that the author ran from his room and into the middle distance to start a new life)

5. Spiteful Crow from Earthbound

Look at this dude. So, cool. Those shades and that bow tie make this little guy stand out. They attack by pecking at your eyes, which to be fair is a spiteful move. However they also throw you a cookie when you return them to normal. That can make a big difference when you have lower HP levels. Maybe they’re not that spiteful, just a little bit spiteful.

6. Lying Hablerie from Persona 4 and Persona 4 Golden

There’s not enough space on this blog to point out how weird the Shin Megami Tensei/Persona games are. But Frank, you might say, there’s infinite amounts of space on the internet.

Exactly.

These things fly up and lick your handsome chad face. Still Izanagi dispatches them easily.