Tag Archives: books

The First Book I Loved

I don’t know why this book popped into my head. My thoughts often come at random and without any guidance. I think one of those thoughts was: Brian from the book Hatchet would make a great Animorph. That’s not what I’m going to be talking about in this article but it’s important to tell people where you came from.

Hatchet by Gary Paulsen was a book that resonated with me for some reason. I read it and wanted so badly to be living in the woods by myself with my wits keeping me from starving. As an adult, my heart breaks for that poor boy. He was only about thirteen(same age as the Animorphs) and he had so much happen to him. It’s the same thing like being Batman or Spider-Man, the life itself seems super fun. You don’t consider the implications that that life comes from unbearable loss.

For those that don’t know the book, Brian is given the titular hatchet by his mother because he’s flying out in a small Cessna plane to visit his father on an oil rig. During the flight, the pilot has a heart attack and dies leaving Brian alone. He crashes the plane in the L-shaped lake and swims to shore. The only thing he has are his clothes and his hatchet. He then has to survive in the wilderness and let me see how many trials I can think of that he had to go through: nausea from “gut cherries”, learning how to fish, creating fire, dealing with swarms of mosquitoes, bears, a tornado, nearly drowning in the lake when previously mentioned tornado drags the ship out of the lake and having to dive deep into the water to get his dropped hatchet. Let me head to wikipedia and check… oh I thought the skunk was only in Brian’s Winter but he has to deal with that, along with a bull moose, a pack of wolves and porcupine.

In the original ending, he gets rescued at the end of summer. In the new canonical ending, he has to survive through a Canadian winter because many fans pointed out to the author, that’s the true test. I had read the sequel, the River, which I didn’t like that much. I thought that the premise wasn’t that strong. It had nothing to do with the writing, Gary Paulsen is a master of the form. I’m reading through Brian’s Return and it still brought that same spark as when I read the original.

I’m trying to figure out why that spark hit. Maybe like your first kiss, your first love and all other things, nothing hits like that first one. Well, I think when it comes to kissing it comes down to your first good kiss. There are terrible kisses and you get to decide which ones truly count.

I think that if I didn’t love this book I wouldn’t have fallen in love with some of the other books that I’ve loved down the line. The Lord of the Rings, with its similar breathtaking descriptions of beautifully wild scenery. Animorphs, the idea of young people having to overcome adversity that they never should have to face.

And finally, my favorite book, Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier. Both books feature men in the wilderness though Inman has to deal with the press of humanity despite his best efforts. They also harken back to an older time and a deep respect for the native Americans while subtly noting the terrible things this country has done to them. They’re also just plain beautifully written. I wish I was as good as either of those men.

I read that book more than thirty years ago. I’m older now. I go for walks in the woods. I own a hatchet though I’ve never used it the way Brian has and probably never will. But when I’m in those woods, Brian walks with me. I don’t know if Gary Paulsen knew how important this book would be for me and others who have read that book. I hope he did.

RIP Gary, I hope on the other side you’re in a canoe floating down a river. The blue sky over your head endlessly and a smile on your face. From the deepest part of my heart, thank you.

Just Released: A Heartbeat in the Darkness

Just released my first book on a variety of places. You can find it here: https://books2read.com/u/3nJPzP

I have to say that releasing it was terrifying and not just because it’s a book of horror short stories. But releasing it in the crucible of public opinion. You hope that everyone will love it. But even if they don’t live it that it will be fantastically bad. I would rather it be one way or the other instead of just bland.

Still, I’m excited. I’m looking forward to writing and releasing more. I want to really put it on the line. See what I’m made of and improve.

Also check out that cover art. The guy who made this is:

https://gaparaujjo.artstation.com/

He sent me a bunch of other designs but they didn’t fit the vibe. Then I saw this one and I was blown away. He’s very talented and if you’re looking for illustrations, check him out.

Anyway, A Heartbeat in the Darkness is on sale where most ebooks can be found for 2 bucks. The price of a Costco hot dog.

Random Word Generator Story Time: Extreme

(I learned this from Paul Robalino on the behind the scenes of Game Changer on Dropout.TV. He talks about using a random word generator and then writing from that word. This time we’re getting EXTREME with the word, extreme.)

What follows is the transcript from the Regional Semifinals for the Radical Race and Extreme Sports Festival presented by Power Jam Juice. When you need to jam some power, you know whose juice to jank.

John: It’s a glorious day today at the local fairgrounds that have been converted for a day of extreme sports and racing. I’m John McJortson and I’m here with my cohost Leslie Redd-White, which makes you wonder why she didn’t just combine her hyphenated married name into Leslie Pink. How’re you doing today, Leslie?

Leslie: Fine, John, and the reason that I haven’t changed my name to Leslie Pink is that there is already a pornographic actress with that name. I wouldn’t want to try and trade on another woman’s name especially one as talented as her nor would I want to have to use my middle name to continue my own career. Sorry aunt Gladys but your name is old and lame.

John: Right you are, Leslie! Now, we’re about to get underway with our first events. We’re going to check in on the half pipe where Sean Lentil is about to start his first run. He’s dropping in and starting to pick up speed.

Leslie: Still picking up speed. He has not performed a single trick nor has he touched his board with anything but his feet.

John: He sure is getting some air on those exits.

Leslie: Wait, he’s starting to spin! It’s a 1080! And another one! And another! He’s really spinning. Oh, wait, he’s starting to achieve flight. Rising! Rising! And he’s reached escape velocity! While we’re waiting for the results for the run, we’re going to take a moment to thank our sponsors today, Power Jam Juice. They have two new flavors, Menacing Mango and Grandma Killed a Man and Covered it Up. The second one has a blue raspberry flavor and they would like to let everyone know they will no longer be offering poll voted flavor names.

John: Thank you for reminding us of our sponsors, Leslie and we have an update on Sean. He has broken the atmosphere and is currently in space. Apparently, the ISS has seen him achieve faster than light travel and disappeared. Godspeed, Sean and good luck.

Leslie: Achieving FTL from a single trick is pretty extreme, John.

John: Right you are, Leslie. What do we have next?

Leslie: Next up in the half pipe we have Corey Randalsandals who, looking to impress the crowd has taken off his shirt.

John: Those abs and tattoos will certainly impress some people in the crowd if they’re into those kinds of things.

Leslie: That’s a hell of a tattoo of kanji on his back. Having studied Japanese, I can read that and apparently it says “My name is Corey Randalsandals, I’m a selfish lover and even more of a red flag. I’m jealous and mean and I don’t deserve a wonderful girlfriend who knows what kanji means. I got this for very racist reasons that used the describers, exotic and mystical. By the time I unveil this at the Regional Semifinals for the Radical Race and Extreme Sports Festival presented by Power Jam Juice, my girlfriend will have taken everything out of my house and headed for greener pastures. Go fuck yourself, Corey, I know about Nicole.”

John: That’s quite a lot.

Leslie: Small print. Looks like he’s pulled out his phone and is making a phone call. He’s yelling into his phone. Now he’s pathetically begging. Looks like his girlfriend was funding his lifestyle as he’s not a very good skater. Okay, he hasn’t dropped in but he has curled into a ball and is starting to cry.

John: That’s quite a move, I don’t know how the judges are going to score it. Well, he’s dropped in and left the half pipe. Looks like he’s skating away. Just disappearing over the horizon. Godspeed, Corey.

Leslie: I’m pretty sure that he came here in a car. Anyway, this is a good time to bring up Ron’s towing another sponsor that will treat your car like it’s his own. That’s not that good because I’ve seen the way that Ron treats his cars.

John: And as always, Power Jam Juice, try their other newest flavor Bananaramalabamaslammamamajammagamma juice. The fun thing about this one is that it actually doesn’t have a banana flavor but more a citrus flavor. There was a miscommunication between marketing and R&D and they had already made the cans, so yeah.

Leslie: Oh my god, in all my years of sports broadcasting, I’ve never seen this happen. A large hairy man, that can only be the Bigfoot has come onto the halfpipe. Kids, I want you to notice that even sasquatch is wearing proper safety gear. You should always make sure that you’re safe and happy when skating.

John: Couldn’t agree more, Leslie. Bigfoot is not an official contestant but he is being given special dispensation to enter. He’s about to start his run. Oh my god, I’ve never seen skating like this.

Leslie: A 900 into a Christ air into a heelflip and then a kickflip. He’s getting some good hang time there. And right into a Dizzy Gillespie. That’s the best skating wombat that I’ve ever seen. He’s… yes, he’s knitting! That’s a beautiful scarf! Bigfoot has excellent color sense. And he finishes with a Leaning Tower of Pisa. The crowd is going nuts. Wait… it’s not only for Bigfoot. Oh my god… there are deer at the edge of the grounds.

John: Those are not deer.

Leslie: Yes, that one has four eyes and eight antlers.

John: In this shocking turn of events, Bigfoot is running towards the not deer.

Leslie: He’s shouting something in his language of grunts and growls.

John: I took Bigfoot language in college and by taking it I listened to a crazy man tell me about his erotic and tender encounters with Bigfoot for five hours. I understand what he’s saying. He’s shouting that he has fallen in love with our society despite our flaws. That he wishes to save these innocents from those monsters. That he knows our mistakes and he loves us no matter what.

Leslie: I’m openly weeping, John.

John: And he’s entered battle with them! The not deer are shifting into forms that I can’t describe. The sounds that I’m hearing are horrific. Bigfoot is fighting valiantly. It looks bad though. Oh my god, no, he’s won… but he’s been mortally wounded. The crowd is running to him. Looks like several members of the crowd who have medical training are looking to help him. A woman has knelt and is holding his hand. He’s tenderly stroking her cheek. And… his hand has gone limp. The crowd has gently closed his eyes. The crowd are screaming in sorrow. It looks like they’re lifting his body gently.

Leslie: From what I can hear, they’re calling to take him to the local cemetery and build a great mausoleum for him. They don’t care how many people they have to drag out of their graves to make room for him.

John: Leslie, I’m going to end my broadcast here. I know of several wealthy landowners who have been laid too much at rest.

Leslie: Let me come with you, John. I’ve always had a great love of Bigfoot as any American would and should. This has truly been extreme. May a fleet of angels sing thee to thy rest, gentle Bigfoot.

End of transcript

One of the great tragedies in literature

Recently on reddit someone asked who the character is that makes you sad. There are a lot of characters that I could think of but the one that came to my mind is Pangle from my favorite book, Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier.

The book is about Inman trying to get home through the losing south during the last days of the Civil War. He is amongst a group of people called outliers who are hiding from the home guard. One of the outliers is Stobrod, a violinist who after playing a little girl out has no longer been able to focus on the war. He runs into Pangle while hiding in a cave on Cold Mountain.

Pangle was run off his family’s property for being “simple-minded” and he hid in the mountains. He discovered a group of other outliers in his cave and was happy to see them. He fell in love with Stobrod’s music and during a raid on a farmer’s house, Stobrod stole a banjo. Pangle took to the banjo easily and the two became a duo. Even before that, Pangle would curl up next to Stobrod to sleep no matter how many times Stobrod shoved him away. In Stobrod’s words, all Pangle wanted was warmth and music.

The tragedy of Pangle comes when him and Stobrod are discovered by the Home Guard, the group meant to find outliers. They listen to the two play some music with only Stobrod realizing that they’re about to get killed. When the guard tells them to get up against a tree, Pangle throws his arm over Stobrod’s shoulders like they’re getting their picture taken. He won’t stop smiling so the guard tells him to put his hat over his face. He does so and they’re killed.

It’s pretty obvious that Pangle represents the kindness and innocence of people in the face of war. His murder is one of several dozen in this book. But this one always stuck out to me due to its unfairness and tragedy. He didn’t have any involvement in this, the war and its consequences came to him. He could have lived for a long time on that mountain.

Due to their mental state, I’m reminded of Lenny from Of Mice and Men. But the sorrow in Lenny is that a friend did it to him to be kind. Knowing that the fate that he would receive at the hands of the land owner would be far worse. These bastards did it just out of meanness.

Ada and Ruby(Stobrod’s daughter) come up the mountain to bury him and Pangle when they find Stobrod alive. When he’s going back down the mountain, Inman points out where they buried Pangle, Stobrod says “if God was to set out killing every men based on their demerits, that boy would make up the hind end of the line”.

When I read that line, I thought of it as a good way to live. Not with the threat of death from an overseeing God but to continue to show that kind of kindness throughout my life. It would be a nice thing to do.

I’m way too upset about these characters in these children books

In the words of Adam Green, it’s hard to be a girl. It would be a lot easier for these two girls if people would just stop being assholes to them.

First up, we have Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables. I’ve met her just about a dozen pages before and she has instantly stolen my heart. I want what’s best for this child. I want her to have so much more than this world could offer her. She is a joy to be around.

Then snooty Mrs. Rachel shows up and is like “well, they didn’t adopt you for your looks”.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU, MRS. RACHEL.

All Anne wanted was to be loved and a home. She doesn’t need your hate. I haven’t finished the book but I doubt she’s going to get hers. The greatest villains never do, which is what brings me to our next subject.

Kristy’s dad from the Babysitters’ Club. Kristy just wanted her dad to be there for her. Just once. But no, he had to be out of her life. Couldn’t even take twenty minutes to call her. To let his daughter knew he cared.

I checked and he never got his. There was no comeuppance for him. There should have been.

It’s not that they’re the greatest villains in the world of literature(they’re up there) but it’s the fact that their arrogance and disregard hurts girls that are already facing a great deal. The world has so much cruelty and you can let it change you or you could be better than it. Both of these people need to be better.

But yo, if they lived in the same time period, I think that Kristy would love to have Anne in the Babysitters’ Club and Anne would kill it. She already knows how to save children’s lives.

One of the Saddest Things I’ve Read

The Tomorrow Series by John Marsden is perhaps one of my favorite anti-war book series that I’ve ever read. For those that don’t know, the series is about seven Australian teenagers that go camping in the bush and when they return home, they find that another country has invaded their home. They then become guerilla fighters and try to fight to win back their homeland.

The books are incredible and are each titled exquisitely: “Tomorrow When the War Began”, “The Dead of Night”, “The Third Day, a Frost”, “Darkness, Be My Friend”, “Burning For Revenge”, “The Night is For Hunting” and “The Other Side of Dawn”. They are harrowing to say the least.

But the thing is that it has I think one of the saddest moments when it comes to growing up. Ellie talks about picking up a Barbie and trying to summon the magic of play that she had when she was a child. She just can’t do it. That magic is gone. It’s cut off from her.

I’ve read a fair amount of anti-war and tales about growing up but nothing has resonated with me like that. It’s the same as someone pointing out that there was a point when your parents put you down one day and they never picked you back up. Leaving childhood behind means that you’ll never be able to do some things again.

I’m childfree but I figure that this is partly why people have kids. To give them the things back that they can’t get. I always think about when I went to see the first Inside Out movie and wonder why I saw so many crying adults in there. I wondered if it was because they knew that there was going to be a time when they couldn’t make their kids happy. That their children would have to suffer pain. The inevitability of all of that.

If you haven’t read these books, I highly recommend them. Just be aware that they get very rough at parts. He doesn’t shy away from the realities of it.

Writing Update

I’ve been gone for the last two weeks for a variety of reasons that are more uninteresting than you would expect. But there is something in my life that I think is happening.

I’m going forward with self publishing my first collection of short stories, A Heartbeat in the Darkness. I got the cover from a very good artist and I’m really looking forward to putting it out there. One of the stories will be on my fiction Friday.

As I finish up editing and writing the last stories for it, I’m kind of nervous. I’ve never put myself forth like this before. I recently put out a story and it got slammed by a bunch of people online. It was in a genre that I didn’t really write in before. I have to say that it shooke me a little bit. I’ve never gotten feedback like that.

But I think I’ve learned my lesson. I need to get thicker skin. If I’m going to be on the internet, I need to make sure that I can handle anything. Eventually, I’m probably going to be getting death threats for some of my opinions and writings. What’s that saying, if you’re not pissing off certain shitty people then are you really doing the right thing?

Anyway, I just thought I would give this update on my life. I think my collection is going to be great and hopefully it’ll be really spooky.

Sean Bean was at his best as Boromir

Okay, so I know that everyone is at their best during the Lord of the Rings movies. The visual effects artists, writers, directors, actors, extras, costume and prop designers, everyone. Especially that person that made the one orc that looked like Harvey Weinstein that disgusting pervert.

It’s like I’m seeing double!

But my favorite performance in the first movie is Sean Bean as Boromir. He slays through the whole movie. He sells you on his desperation and though there isn’t a huge amount of dialogue for all the characters, he shows you his entire backstory in what few lines he has.

He’s a man, tired of so many things. He has to fight against Mordor constantly and he gets no help and pushed aside even here among his friends. Suddenly, he sees a treasure that he has heard tales about that could make his life so much easier. Anyone would take it. The fact that he made it as far as he did was a thing of wonder.

Even beyond that, there’s just so much to like. He spars with Merry and Pippin and is concerned when he might have hurt them, he puts a comforting hand on Gimli’s shoulder when Gimli finds his relative dead and has to inform Gandalf that continuing over the mountain will kill the hobbits. When Gandalf is gone, he comforts Frodo and asks that they have a moment to grieve. He treats them a bit like children because maybe that’s how he sees them. It makes you wish he had some of his own…

It’s not just in these moments of kindness that Sean Bean shines. There’s a moment when they’re defending the Mines of Moria where he goes to look out the doors when they hear the orcs approaching. He reports back to the others that they have a cave troll. But he does it in a tone that’s almost like “They have a cave troll, fits perfectly in my week, I tell ya.”

When he gives into the ring’s corruption, it’s not even evil or megalomaniacal. He’s desperate. He immediately regrets it and does his best to save Merry and Pippin. Several arrows thud into him and he dies with his king, Aragorn.

It’s easy to see how this got him Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. They’re similar roles and characters though I think that Boromir is a bit better person.

This is how you write a sympathetic character. This is how you write a betrayal that hurts. You weep for Boromir. You wish he could see home again. To lie among his people. But he won’t. One final heartbreak for a hero.

The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller Spoiler Review

So, I want to talk about how good this book is and to do that, I’m going to spoil some things. To that end, if you want to read this book, stop reading here and go read it. It’s a great read, I couldn’t get enough of it. Check it out.

Alessandra is a straight up piece of shit and I love her for it. She is self-absorbed, conniving and power hungry. She’s also highly intelligent and charming. She’s been overlooked by her sister and now she wants to step into her own. She has a plan to do this by marrying, fucking and killing the current leader of the world, the Shadow King. Step one of the plan is scamming a bunch of idiots into giving her money and jewels. She uses that to fund her trip and we’re off to the races.

The thing is with this book, is that neither lead are good people. In fact, they’re both monsters that occasionally do nice things for each other. I think that this is great and such a refreshing take on one of these kinds of novels.

Alessandra helps him hunt down and kill the local Robin Hood. Every time the king is displeased some of his servants die. This is against the backdrop of him conquering the world. There’s never a point these two ever get better.

I once had a conversation about Roy from Full Metal Alchemist that my friend didn’t like that he was so charming despite committing so many war crimes. My other friend countered that that was the point. He came back from the war and put his uniform on and makes you forget. That’s what real monsters do.

Alessandra and Kallias do the same thing, they make you forget they’re terrible by being nice… to one another. Everyone else to them is disposable.

Yet, I couldn’t stop reading. The writing was so excellent, each twist drew me further into the book. It was phenomenal.

The only minor complaint I can have is that it felt like Alessandra got out of certain trouble a bit too easily. It kind of reminded me of Josh Hartnett’s character in the movie Trap(2024). When that happened it didn’t make me think that she was that smart or resourceful. But there are other moments where her intelligence does shine through. So, maybe it evens out.

This whole book reminded me of the tone of Creep by Lygia Day Penaflor. Where the narrator helps draw you in with what’s going on and you start understanding, accepting and somewhat even encouraging the terrible things the narrator’s doing until you shake your head and remember no this is bad. It’s good for us to have books like this where terrible behavior isn’t excused. The author just presents it and you get to make your own choice.

In short, highly recommend. Five stars, 10/10, check it out.

Stagnation

For the last three years, I’ve been trying to move out of my old apartment to finally live on my own. I’m not upset by the amount of time it took, I liked living with the various roommates I’ve had throughout the years but now it’s time for me to be on my own. Since I’ve been living on my own, I’m never going back. I will never live with another person again unless I’m in love or that person is need.

However, my last big endeavor was getting my degree in IT. I did that and that led to the job I have now and my moving out on my own.

Over the weekend, I was enjoying Star Trek: Lower Decks and doing puzzles. I finished with that and started to go into my room to play some Persona 3. It was then that I stopped myself and thought. I don’t have an actual goal. In that moment, I felt so lost and afloat.

Fortunately, several decades of therapy have prepared me for moments like this. I thought about that thought. Where did it come from?

I think it came from the idea that I was stagnating. That I wasn’t moving forward anymore. That there was no direction forward.

So, as I played Persona 3 because if I’m not going to figure out Tartarus who is? I thought about the next goal. First, I would like to move forward in my career at some point. Secondly, I would like to go to Maine and to Acadia national park to hike its many trails. For that I would need to train. Thirdly, I would like for someone to read my books and tell me that they like them. Whether that’s self published or through a publishing company.

Even if I hadn’t come up with this, I think that it’s important to have some kind of destination in mind. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to run the race. Just that you have a finish line. Something to go for.

I’ll let you know how this goes. The steps I’m taking, this website being one of them, to get to my various goals.