This is going to be a post where I complain about something that I’m very lucky to have, which is a consistent DND group. I know for a lot of people, it’s something they can only wish for.

We’ve been playing together for about nine years, maybe more. People have come and gone but we’ve been pretty consistent for the most part. Considering how long I’ve been playing this game, you could say I have a particular fondness for it. So, when the money was right, I picked up Baldur’s Gate 3 because it was just more DND. I should have loved it.

I started playing it and got through the introduction off of the mind flayer’s ship and started assembling my party. It’s fun and a well made game. The story seems like it’s going to be engrossing. I’ve heard how much people love these characters.

But I found myself after two hours in, starting to get tired of it. I wasn’t disliking playing it but I just couldn’t get myself over the hill on it. I went back to playing Skyrim and modding the hell out of that when it hit me.

It wasn’t what DND is to me.

DND is a collaborative storytelling tool that everyone gets to get a hand on. And the hands that add to my stew are not expert but they know how to make that stew tasty as hell.

I won’t name names but I have one that I call Big Moves because throughout our current campaign, she has consistently made moves that have made me have to upend everything I’ve done. I showed them this portal that would take them to a different world where they could do things. She thought that no one should have that much power and blew it the hell up. The person creating the portal is now an enemy.

Did it annoy and shock me at the time? Of course, but it opens up new opportunities for me.

Then we have our resident murderhobo who I rolled a random encounter and they immediately robbed him. They took the salted beef and onions he had. Mostly out of spite for not having better things. She has blown up her fellow adventurers on multiple occasions.

Then we have the guy who I’ve turned into John Hammond and his ex into Ian Malcolm as they argue about the ethics of cloning and DNA manipulation. He has a suit made of flowers that acts like Iron Man armor.

Then we have the Luxodon dominatrix/inventor who has recently decided to multiclass into bard and use the language of dance to showcase their bardic abilities. Her mom is Dolly Parton from the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Why? Don’t worry about it. She has flying sex toys that she uses to attack people.

We have the Haregon ninja assassin who tried to swim into a shark’s mouth and got chomped in half when he rolled a nat 1 on his dexterity check. He got better.

Finally, we have a tabaxi cleric that tries desperately to get them to act civilly. It hasn’t worked.

I gave them this airship:

They named it the Good Ship Lollipop.

For me, I think the problem with Baldur’s Gate 3 is that it reflects a future that I don’t want. One where I’m playing DND without these people. When I play it, I just miss my friends.