What a useless and pointless cash grab. I don’t normally say that about prequels and sequels but this one feels particularly egregious. Weapons was such a good movie but it doesn’t need to be a sequel machine like all the others. It’s like a magic trick and a prequel would explain how the magic is done, thus ruining the trick.
If you haven’t seen Weapons yet, you should go do that. It’s an amazing film and very scary. I know I’m a bit of a scaredy cat for horror movies as opposed to reading horror so maybe I can’t judge it that well. I’m going to get into a few spoilers in this post so you can skip it if you like.
SPOILERS START AFTER THIS
The story of Weapons is that 27 children have gone missing. Based on ring camera footage, all the children got out of their beds at about 2am and they ran off into the distance. What follows is several figures living through the aftermath or actively trying to find out what happened to the kids. We see the story from several perspectives.
One such perspective, is Alex the only boy that didn’t run into the woods from his elementary school classroom. We find out that weeks before the incident, Alex’s mother invited their Aunt Gladys to come to stay with them.
Turns out that Aunt Gladys is a witch and is hundreds of years old possibly, I don’t know. The movie leaves you to make your own lore for her. She can control people by performing her witchcraft and appear in people’s dreams, maybe, once again the movie tells you that context is for other movies.
She uses this power to make Alex’s parents act as enforcers and hostages. There’s a horrifying scene where she makes them stab themselves in the face with forks when Alex disobeys. She was behind the missing children who she’s hiding in Alex’s basement and forcing him to feed them cold soup along with his parents. She’s going to suck the youth from them or something, once again, the movie is not forthcoming with answers. Alex eventually uses the same witchcraft to have the kids chase her down and tear her limb from limb in a scene that can only be described as hilarious.
The movie leaves you with nonstop questions about Aunt Gladys, where did she come from? How did she learn her powers? Are there other witches out there? Is she part of a coven?
These are the questions I had after this movie and I don’t need any of them answered. Whatever answer I’m going to come up with is going to be better than anything that the movie studio could figure out.
I’m not against prequels, don’t get me wrong. I just think that this is going to become the worst kind of prequel, which is shitty reverence as opposed to fanfiction, which is the good kind of prequel. Allow me to explain the difference.
Solo: A Star Wars story is shitty reverence. They make such a big fucking deal about every goddamn part about Han Solo’s life. My name’s Han, I’m alone, alright we’ll call you Han Solo. Stupid. There’s a part where Woody Harrelson disassembles this large rifle and it turns out to be the blaster that Han used in the first two movies. He even kisses it before he gives it to Han. Why? Why would he kiss it? We see the Kessel Run, which is kind of fun.
What I’m getting at, especially with Woody Harrelson kissing the blaster is that it’s like he knows how important it is. It’s like if all the characters were like “I can’t believe we’re hanging out with the Han Solo! Can you believe how historical this all is!”
It also just makes Han Solo lamer. I didn’t need to know he was a floppy haired idiot running around not knowing what to do half the time. It’s like finding out Marlon Brando’s Godfather got his position because his predecessor was killed through a series of pratfalls that started by him slipping on a banana. And there was a yakety sax style chase at some point.
All it is, is a handjob. It doesn’t matter. There’s no reason for it to exist except for fan service. I didn’t ask where han solo’s blaster and vest came from. Now let’s look at the fanfiction.
This might be cheating because it’s technically a sequel-prequel. But the whole thing focuses on Rocket Raccoon and explains his past. Mostly while he’s unconscious after getting fucked up by Adam Warlock. What works about it is that we see how much his friends give a shit about him and are willing to go to any lengths to save him.
During his comatose state, Rocket remembers his life as a creation of the High Evolutionary a man looking to create the perfect world. Rocket is thrown into a jail cell that becomes his whole world along with his friends, Teefs, Floor and Lylla. They help the High Evolutionary create his perfect world but he hates Rocket because Rocket is so much smarter than he is. This leads him to attempt to kill them. Rocket attempts to escape but all of his friends are killed. Partially because he refuses to run and instead attacks the High Evolutionary. He brutalizes the High Evolutionary and flies to the stars eventually meeting up with Groot and the others.
We’re not shown his meetup with Groot but this backstory recontextualizes everything that’s happened to him before. In the first movie, where he yells at Drax for summoning Ronan to attempt to kill him and just gets his ass kicked, Rocket shouts at him “Everyone’s got dead people, that’s not an excuse to get everyone killed” and now we know he knows that from personal experience. When he wants to flee to protect Groot instead of going to fight Ronan and most likely die, he’s not being a coward, he just knows that he has to survive and protect what remains of his family.
We know now why he hates himself so much, because he thinks that he got his friends killed. It also makes him losing Groot twice and the rest of the guardians that much more heartbreaking because he lost his family three times. There’s also a payoff from the first movie where they were ready to run away and let Ronan kill the universe because fighting him would lead to their deaths. Now in this movie, there is no discussion, they’re going to go save people whether they be a bunch of kids or animals.
I liked Rocket before this movie. I loved him after this. And that’s how you do it. You don’t need to create a giant neon sign about their motivations. You can just show their past and let you make the connections.
Weapons was an enormous hit. I don’t think you need to add anything to it. It doesn’t need Aunt Gladys doing her first magic. I can know she did it and be satisfied. There’s no way it would be shitty reverence.
Franklin Cota, an author and podcaster 