I’ve been watching Star Trek: Next Generation for the first time. Skipping holodeck episodes because I think that the holodeck is fucking terrible and boring. We get it, you found some old costumes on the local backlot. I just don’t want to bother with them, except for the one where Geordi makes a girlfriend and the woman she’s based on shows up and he has to be like, oh shit.

Speaking of women, our antagonist for this episode is Phillipa Louvois who both court martialed Picard at some point in the past regarding the Stargazer though he was later absolved on it. She is openly flirting with him while he tries to drink his Earl grey tea. Stating that he’s still a sexy man after all these years. I guess we’re both post capitalism and sexual harassment training seminars in the future.

Phillipa is setting up the JAG office at Starbase 173. It’s where the Enterprise stops to help and we get introduced to what can only be described as a walking smug face emoji, Commander Maddox.

He wants to transfer Data to the starbase so that he can take him apart and see what makes him tick. Potentially creating more Datas. Picard at first is okay with the transfer until Data hits him with this. If Geordi’s eyes are superior then why doesn’t the rest of the crew get their eyes switched out like him? Picard defeated by Data’s facts and logics, dismisses him.

There is some argument on whether or not Data is property owned by Starfleet or if he’s allowed to disobey this order. Maddox annoyingly refers to Data as it, you know, like an asshole. Data with no other options is forced to resign from starfleet. Everyone gives him a going away party. He’s instructed on how to properly unwrap presents by Geordi. You’re supposed to tear it, not just gingerly remove it.

Maddox forces Louvois to confront the issue. That Data has to be forced to not resign from starfleet and his experiments need to go forward. Louvois says that they have a method of figuring this out and it involves a whole lot of objections and overruling. Our defendant is Data and his counsel is captain Jean Luc-Picard. Whose going to go up against him? Our plaintiff is command Maddox and… command William RIKER?!

That’s right, Louvois has no other commanding officers so Riker has to stand in as counsel. He objects against this because he feels like he couldn’t be objective. Louvois says that if he won’t act in the role as lawyer then she’ll make a decision on her own. Riker agrees.

We see him working on his argument. Looking at Data’s blueprints. He sees something that pleases him but then makes him sad. We’ll know about that later. Maddox pops into Data’s quarters to further be an asshole.

When the trial starts, Riker goes first and he constantly points out the many ways Data isn’t human. One method is by giving him a piece of steel that requires several thousands pounds of pressure to bend. Data does it easily. Captain Picard objects that many lifeforms have the megastrength to do what Data did. And it is a testament to Patrick Stewart’s Shakespearean acting that he can make that line not sound goofy. Riker ends it by removing Data’s arm and turning him off with Data’s manual override. Picard calls for a recess.

He goes for a drink at the bar on the Enterprise where he encounters Guinan. The two of them have a discussion. She brings up that a single Data is a blessing and curiosity while thousands of Data would take the role of doing the dirty or dangerous jobs that no one else wants to do. That there have always been “disposible” people that other races have used and thrown away for generations. Picard finally getting the point marks it as only what it can be, slavery.

The trial resumes and Picard starts demanding that we start defining sentience. They come down on three criteria, intelligence, self-awareness and consciousness. Picard forces Maddox to prove that he himself is sentient. Maddox responds that it’s obvious that Picard is sentient while Data is not. They go around on this for a while until Picard asks Maddox what he plans to do once he disassembles him and we come back to the idea of making thousands of Datas.

Picard points out then that Data will become a race. And as starfleet officers they need to protect that race and allow it to grow. That they will be judged by how they treat that new life. He demands of the court on whether or not Data is conscious. Finally ending by saying that they want to make new law, then they should make it a good one.

Louvois finding her soul, points out that she owes it to Data to let him find if he has one as well. She grants that he is not property of starfleet and thus can make his own decisions. Data chooses not to go through with the procedure but advises Maddox to keep working.

Later, Riker is looking out the windows of his quarters thinking about the trial and all the alien races he has yet to bone down with. Data comes in to remind him that there’s a party going down and he ought to join them. Riker says that he has no right to be there that he could have cost Data his life by being such a damn good lawyer.

Data responds that if Riker had not done what was asked of him, Louvois would have simply ruled summarily and he would be torn apart by Maddox. That he willingly took an action that wounded him to save Data’s life. Riker is cheered by this viewpoint and the two head to the party.

I made a bunch of jokes during this review because it’s the third one I’ve written this week and I was a bit sick of being serious. However, this is a beautiful episode of Next Generation. The show getting deep into its science fiction roots and just analyzing a concept. Not a single phaser is shot. It’s just a human story considering the human condition. I think even if you know nothing about Star Trek the Next Generation you could pick up this episode and enjoy it. It’s like a less bombastic Wrath of Khan.