It’s been a while since I did a post about mental health so let’s talk about something that’s going on in my life. I started with a new therapist last week and I think that were going to be able to work together really well. I had several really great individual and group therapists in the past. They did amazing work and I have nothing but gratitude for them.

I started in therapy when I was 21, so that’s 19 years in therapy. When I hit 42 I’ll have spent more than half my life in therapy. I say that fact not because I think it’s depressing or that I’ve failed in some way, it’s because it’s just that a fact. I’ve made an effort to maintain some sense of self care. I do it because it makes my life so much easier. To have a release valve for all the things that make me angry or scared. To have someone tell me that I’m fucking wrong when I’m wrong and celebrate me when I have a success.

My first therapist, David, when I saw him at 21, I came in and told him that I felt broken. That I was born without the pieces that make other people happy. That I didn’t know how to do this and I didn’t think that I could ever be truly happy or okay.

He wasn’t that much older than me, being a grad student himself. But he listened to all of that and he didn’t judge me for it. He told me that he didn’t think he could fix me, which I told him made me question why I was there but instead it was because I wasn’t broken. Just that I needed some help and that the two of us would work together to help me with my pain. He couldn’t make it disappear forever but we could get it to such a point that I barely felt it. I hope that wherever he is, he’s doing well. I hope all of them are doing well.

I know a lot of people are scared of therapy or have misconceptions about it. But as someone whose been in the trenches for two decades and is showing no signs of stopping, I have to say that it’s made my life markedly better.