Tag Archives: power rangers

Ranking Which Power Ranger Color I Would Want to Be Based on How Sweet Their Ride Is

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The Power Rangers had a rough time of it, I mean so did the town of Angel Grove. I could only imagine what it would cost to get property insurance in that town. Plus, that shit happened seemingly every week. Most of the time, it would be out in the badlands but occasionally they would throw down in the middle of the city.

“Oh fu-,” everyone in that building probably

Before they become that giant life crushing robot, they’re the Zords. Color coded and all that jazz. So, I’m going to figure out which color I would like to be based on that ride. This will be the worst to best.

6. Blue Ranger- Triceratops

Nothing against Billy. He was the brains of the team and deserved to head off with his hot alien partner.(Also, I feel it shitty to not point out the bullshit that David Yost had to handle for being gay by the production staff. WTF, you assholes.). Anyway, the thing with the Triceratops zord(Take a drink every time I say that word, not of alcohol, that would kill you), is that it’s just kind of boring. It’s basically just a tank with a cool face and tail. But hey, tanks are useful. Even now, I suppose. Someone has to be at the bottom of the list and that’s where the Triceratops unfortunately finds himself.

5. Black Ranger- Mammoth Zord

Kind of the same problem as the Triceratops but a little bit better. It’s slow and its weapon is a frost blast. That’s okay but I think the main use of it is arms and a shield. Not much to say about it beyond that.

4. Red Ranger- T-Rex Zord

This might be a controversial choice as this thing rips. But the problem with the T-rex zord is that a better version of it came along with the Green Ranger. T-Rexes are cool… but Godzilla is way fucking cooler. C’mon let’s face some facts. Still, it’s a bit more maneuverable and useful than the others, so that gets it higher on the list.

3. Yellow Ranger- Saber Tooth Tiger Zord

Okay, so you might think that this is a weird choice considering how I gave the mammoth and triceratops zords such stick. However, this one is quicker and more agile and most importantly it’ll help me if I ever decide to go work with the Voltron crew. They’ll see this zord on my resume and be like “Ah, you have experience driving a giant cat robot. That’s going to put you at the top of the list.” Who knows, I could be in the black lion within a few years. I’m sure he has a comprehensive dental plan.

2. Green Ranger- Dragonzord

Do you want a mechagodzilla that isn’t nuts? Get the dragonzord.

Do you want to pilot it via a flute that you play through your helmet that sounds like a synthesizer? Get the dragonzord.

Do you want a boss ass shield on your uniform? Get the dragonzord.

Look at this boss ass dude

So, yeah all of that makes it pretty great. I would love a flute based control system for my car. The dragonzord just rules on so many levels. It look cool as hell, has a drill tail and missile fingers. Plus, you can efficiently make a megazord with it from three extra zords. Then the megazord can also where it as a hat.

The whole thing just rules. As I said it looks like a robo Godzilla.

By the way, if you like wall art and good nerd art in general, I would suggest this print by wizyakuza. I have it on my wall and it looks really good.

https://wizyakuza.com/products/mother-of-dragonzord
  1. Pink Ranger- Pterodactyl Zord

Let me paint you a picture. The monster lays defeated, the Megazord disassembles and all of you are left in your Zords alone. You take off your helmet and rub your neck. You need a break. You look at your friends and say, “Guys, I need a break. I’ll catch you later.”

You take off in this thing at Mach 2.5 and land in Paris a little over three hours. You tour the town, you bring justice to the local street toughs and then head home. All the while, you’re having a good time, cranking the tunes and ignoring calls from Zordon that this isn’t what he gave you the Zord for. You tell him that you think it’s weird he named these death robots after himself. He doesn’t have an answer and leaves you alone.

Plus, you’re in a fly outfit with a cute skirt. No matter your gender identity that shit’s going to look good. Speaking of outfits though…

Who made that giant cloak for the Megazord? That will suffocate any humans that it falls on.

The Duality of Maturity

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That comic is from xkcd.com and it has been my guiding star for a long time now. It has always been a difficult thing for me to consider whether or not I’m an adult. In all truthfulness, I nearly wrote grownup instead of adult.

This has worked for me for the longest time. It makes sense. I’m not my parents nor is anyone I know. Older generations are against therapy, I’ve been in therapy since I was twenty-one and I will be probably for the rest of my life(that’s not a bad thing. I think that therapy isn’t a punishment it’s a release valve). So, I can do things that are silly and that other people consider stupid but it’s my life so who cares.

When I think about the milestones, I haven’t hit, house, wife, kids and the whole nine yards. I find myself not caring. I don’t need a house to maintain. I don’t need kids to continue my legacy. A wife, a partner, a friend might be nice but I’m happy alone.

But still when I was younger, I was told that that this was what was expected of me. This is what we do. My parents didn’t force me into it and my mom has never asked me when are you going to give me grandkids but you still can feel the pressure from other people. They say things like “when you’re married someday” or “you’ll understand when you have kids”. I just don’t care.

I’m getting off track. The concept I came up with was: immature in thoughts, mature in actions. Let me give you an example of my thoughts throughout the day:

I wonder if the convertible Kennedy died in was a transformer. How would he react to Kennedy getting shot? What if it was the same car as the one that Jack and Rose boinked in during the Titanic movie.

I need to eat better for my blood pressure. Should I look up soups?

Brian from Hatchet would be a good Animorph. I should write that fanfiction.

Gotta look up CD rates for my bonus. I should put some money away.

Gotta think of what to get for the kids that I’m doing secret Santa for, for my friend’s school.

I’d be a great sixth ranger but I’d be bad at being Tuxedo Mask.

I’ve never missed a rent or utilities payment. I clean my apartment every weekend. Even as a child, I remember seeing a child throwing a tantrum and thought to myself in much more childish terms: “that is unseemly and I shan’t be doing that”.

What I’m getting at is that interests can be childish and immature but as long as I keep up everything else it’s fine. I do the duties of an adult while indulging the child that I once was. Part of that means watching non-childish shows and what not, which is why I’m getting into Star Trek but also watch other movies. I also make sure I don’t buy everything I want to indulge that child either.

I’m not ashamed of the person I am. I like being me, I like the well of knowledge I dive into when I need a reference is deep not just for old Power Ranger episodes but for songs that have broken my heart since I was a teen. I also have emotional maturity to understand the feelings I have and what to do with them(thanks, therapy). Since my father died, I’ve become the “I don’t know how to deal with the fear of my parents dying let me talk to Frank” guy. To that end, my sister and I have made a pledge that we wouldn’t raise our voices to have a discussion.

If I wasn’t any of those things, I feel it would be a reason for introspection. Even being one all of those things I know I still need to look inward continuously to make sure that I’m on the right path(thanks again, therapy). For right now, I’m going to enjoy my hard fought for contentment and make myself a salad for dinner.

Then I’m going to watch Card Captor Sakura and pay my bills. Because…