For some reason, I got on an Adam Sandler kick this weekend and it got me thinking about his characters in the golden age of his movies. Now, I want to say his nineties comedies are classics in and of themselves. But how are their characters? Where does Billy Madison stand on the moral hierarchy? Well, no one asked and I’m going to figure that out.

Billy Madison

Born rich, privileged and listless. Immediately that are huge points against him. Batman was born rich and privileged and he’s saved the world multiple times. Even if he didn’t want to put on a costume and fight injustice, he could have done something. Least of all get an education. Plus, he was generally an asshole before he got some learning in him.

So, I’m going to say that he’s a scumbag.

Happy Gilmore

Okay, Happy is an interesting case. Of the Adam Sandlers on this list, he’s probably the most morally grey. He was a working man trying to chase a dream. He found out that he had an affinity for a different sport that he didn’t like and gave that up to help his grandmother. That sacrifice means a lot.

Still, he had an anger problem. Anger can be good, it can drive you forward to make changes in your life and the world for the better. It can also be a destructive force that harms people. Happy when he’s Angry Gilmore often lashes out at people such as Bob Barker and the clown at the mini golf course.

“He lead to Chubs’ death!” I hear you cry. That was an accident. Pure and simple. Nobody said that Happy was a perfect guy. I certainly didn’t.

While his anger can be destructive, I fully advocate for him throwing Ben Stiller out of that window. Anyone who abuses the elderly deserves far worst than that.

Mr. Deeds

He really just came up with characters and then built a whole movie around them in the 90s, didn’t he?

Mr. Deeds is a pure soul. Humble working man that was elevated to the height of luxury and didn’t let it change him. Oh, he has servants now? You bet your ass he’s going to be nice and joke around with them.

Are some of his morals a little outdated? Sure, I think he made a bigger deal about cursing in front of ladies than might need to be and it led to a sequence where we’re making fun of child abuse but his heart was in the right place.

But then he also helped protect Winona Ryder from a potential mugger. He gave up that money just as easily. He’s a kind and generous person. Good for him.

Big Daddy

Sonny Koufax straight up sucks. I mean, it could be said that he took in a child that no one cared about.

A brief tangent about how fucked the life of the child is in this movie. His dying mother sends him to go find his father that he doesn’t. Someone puts this child on a train or plane to NYC. Maybe there was someone that was supposed to lead him the rest of the way to his father. I don’t know because the teenager that drops him off at the apartment is just like “I don’t know someone paid me to drop him here.” Then without asking for any identification or anything, Sonny claims the child as his own. Way to go fictional child services.

(I know that actual child service workers work very hard to do their best for their charges. I’m calling out the worker in this movie. God bless those who do that work.)

Anyway, Sonny. Sonny is irresponsible, terrible at his job and raises the child at first with the care someone would a feral dog. The child is violent, disgusting and probably has lice at a certain point in the film.

But you might think that that’s the worst thing he’s done. Oh, no, no. The worst thing is that he made the child believe that he was his father. Not biological but still a father figure. When Jon Stewart, suddenly reappears, the boy has to realize that he has to go to a man that didn’t want him or believed that he was his father in the first place.

I can forgive the shitty things that Billy Madison did and most of the things that Sonny did in his personal life. However, when you bring a child into the equation, the only thing that should be done are things to ensure the care and happiness of said child.

Too bad no one gave a shit about him.